Stclaire, Thank you for your words. I realize the impact of any actions I take here. I certainly don't want to disrupt any lives or cause anyone any pain. I am just trying to deal with my own turmoil here. I know I could make it worse by adding guilt on top of everything else. That is what I am trying to avoid. I guess I need some support here in dealing with the intensity of the situation.

Thanks quenkath for the bump.

Blessings to you both.

Bump.

My heart truly aches for you all...

I was going to let this thread die, but I am so tied up in knots, I thought I would try again to see if anyone else has any insight for me.

The transfer may not happen. I have been waiting so long, and it is slow going, if it happens at all. In the mean time, these feelings keep getting stronger. I go through this vicious cycle every week. When at home, I try to forget about him, and enjoy my time with my family. But he is always there in the back of my mind. I usually have myself talked out of pursuing anything, then I go back to work. Being with him any amount of time at all makes me forget all about my family. I get lost in each minute I spend with him. I am certain that he feels the same way. The last night we worked together was very intense... And now I realize that what we feel is distracting us from our work. Continuing on this path is destructive in so many ways. We could loose our families as well as our jobs. In my mind, I know that the cost is too great, but I loose track of all rational ideas in a split second. My head is spinning, my stomach is in knots, and my heart aches. This whole situation seems to have cut me off spiritually as well.

I have considered actually talking this out with him, but I am afraid of where that will lead. I try to avoid him, and that is not possible either. I thought the transfer would be an escape, but it is just taking so long, and now might not go through. I know there is a huge lesson in all this if I can just get through it and make the right decisions.

Can anyone help me... enlighten me... save me... I feel so lost and alone in this...

I am for sure taking the transfer. I have been asking for it for months, waiting for a position closer to home, to reduce my commute, so I could have a little more time with my family. And now I think I need it also to get away from him. Everything you say makes so much sense. This whole situation has opened my eyes. I am still in love with my husband. We still have fun together. Our daughter will be grown in a few years, and then we can focus on us. I do believe that this other guy is a distraction, and nothing will come of it if I can keep my emotions at bay. I do not want to cause problems with his family either. Most likely, we will never know how the other really feels. I am just trying to put it all behind me at this point, and find ways to meet whatever needs I have that are not fulfilled within my own marriage... somehow.

Thank you to everyone who posted here to help me with this. You have my deepest gratitude.

Juggamon, I am so sorry to read about your situation, you must have been devastated. It makes me feel like I should shut up, quit wining and do the right thing. I know I don't want to cause anyone the kind of pain that you have been dealing with. Thank you for the wake up call, I will try to remember this when I feel tempted to do something stupid and ruin what I, as well as he already have.

I just put in a few more days at work, and am now off for a few days, and I am just as confused as before. I feel like I am caught in a viscous cycle here. The new developments are that I will be getting that transfer, so I know that this will be over soon. When I told this guy about my transfer, the look on his face took me by surprise. It looked as though he was about to tear up, then he caught himself and said he was happy for me. I really think he feels the same way and is having the same struggle that I am. I sense it in the way he acts around me. Then, once again I start to think that I am reading more into it, because I do need that escape from my life. I don't trust any of these feelings, and I don't know how to sort them out. I just figure that when I get transferred, it will all be over, and I can forget and get back to my life as I new it. A least that is what I am hoping for... Then on the other hand, I want to tell him what I am feeling and find out if I am right or wrong, but I can't do that either. That will open up a whole new can of worms and it could go either way. So, I figure at this point, the best thing for everyone is to try and keep a lid on it. Be cautious to not let myself do anything stupid, and it will soon be forgotten. This is just way to intense for me.

Thank you captain, I just sent an e-mail.

Thanks again everyone for responding. You all are so insightful, and giving me alot to think about. I had a few days to think about things while commuting to and from work. I really am hoping this is just a crush, and that I can soon forget it, and move forward. I go back and forth on how I feel about the whole situation. Yes I know that I do need an escape from my life. However, I also find myself deeply in awe of my husband and the person that he is. He still makes me laugh. We do have long talks, and flirt and really do love and care for each other. I don't think I could ever do anything to hurt him. Yet when I am alone, my thoughts are somewhere else. In one aspect, I think that I am reading more in to the whole situation with him at work. Then on the other hand, I fantasize about the possibilities. I guess I will figure more out after I work with him next week. In the meantime, I am trying to enjoy as much time as possible with my husband.

TheCaptain,

Can I e-mail you those birthdates in a personal e-mail, as I would like to stay anonymous in this forum regarding this topic.