I was going to let this thread die, but I am so tied up in knots, I thought I would try again to see if anyone else has any insight for me.
The transfer may not happen. I have been waiting so long, and it is slow going, if it happens at all. In the mean time, these feelings keep getting stronger. I go through this vicious cycle every week. When at home, I try to forget about him, and enjoy my time with my family. But he is always there in the back of my mind. I usually have myself talked out of pursuing anything, then I go back to work. Being with him any amount of time at all makes me forget all about my family. I get lost in each minute I spend with him. I am certain that he feels the same way. The last night we worked together was very intense... And now I realize that what we feel is distracting us from our work. Continuing on this path is destructive in so many ways. We could loose our families as well as our jobs. In my mind, I know that the cost is too great, but I loose track of all rational ideas in a split second. My head is spinning, my stomach is in knots, and my heart aches. This whole situation seems to have cut me off spiritually as well.
I have considered actually talking this out with him, but I am afraid of where that will lead. I try to avoid him, and that is not possible either. I thought the transfer would be an escape, but it is just taking so long, and now might not go through. I know there is a huge lesson in all this if I can just get through it and make the right decisions.
Can anyone help me... enlighten me... save me... I feel so lost and alone in this...