J (And VS):
(This is long as hell, sorry!!)
R - The girl I like. We're classmates also.
X - R's best friend (also great friends with me. According to X, me and R are on the same level... but she can't tell that to R, because she would be mad... probably). We're classmates also.
Y - R's second best friend (probably her best friend at the moment, since R has been mad ever since X got a boyfriend who is a jackazz). Me and Y are on good terms, but I can't say we're friends. We're classmates.
Z - R's other good friend. I don't talk to this one much, but we're not on bad terms. Just 'hi' and 'bye' and thats it. We're classmates.
P - A guy who used to be my friend. We no longer talk (since last thursday). Some bad things happened, and i'd long felt he was only friends with me as a way to meet girls. Last thursday was the drop of water that spilled the glass. (As a sidenote, this guy is a player... hits on whichever girl he is able to. Even if she has a boyfriend LOL. Also, he and R have kissed once, about 1 year ago.)
K - My childhood friend (female). She's 1 year and a half older than me, and we've been friends pretty much since I was born. She likes R a lot, and R likes her also. But the two only see each other when I invite R to somewhere. K is NOT a classmate of ours. She lives 100+ miles (VS - Cascais) away from where me and R are studying (VS - Coimbra). R's house (VS - Palmela) is about 30mins from Lisbon and so is Cascais... so when we go home on weekends and K decides to go out in Lisbon, I sometimes call R.
*First, to VS, since I didn't tell you yet what happened last weel, on tuesday:
At a party, I left the group to go look for some people, and went into the middle of the dance floor.
Suddenly my arm is pulled back, and it's R. I look at her and she kisses me.
She told me to 'wait for her'... which was a big improvement from a few weeks ago when she said she didn't want me to wait for her, and that she would rather regret her choice than make me wait.
Throughout that night we kissed a lot more times.
In the end we agreed to not tell anyone. I was allowed to tell my friend K, and R was allowed to tell X and Y. (Z was not 'included' in this agreement).
It was important for her that she was the first to tell X about what happened, and I did know that.
On Wednesday, R and Y went to a concert together. Me and X spent the day together, pretty much. Classes, then in the afternoon we went with some more classmates for a coffee.
In the evening/at night, we went to study at a cafe called 'After Hours'. And were talking there for awhile.
X told me she had seen me and R's hands doing weird things on the previous night (tuesday). I said I can't talk about that, that I had a vow of silence. (And I kept saying it for quite a while.)
Eventually X got mad and said:
''So you only come and talk to me when you're feeling bad... and when you're happy you can't share your happiness with me? In that case I won't talk to you about my life anymore.''
And then I told her that we had kissed.
But we agreed to not tell R that I told her about this... (You can see where this is leading, can't you? :s)
So on Thursday, R talked to X about those things, and X pretended to not know..
Later that thursday, P came to talk to us (Me, R, X, and one more girl) at night and was reeeeallly indelicate toward R and X... when I got there, he was an idiot to me as well (Apparently it was me he wanted to talk crap to).
He was mad that X knew he had a girlfriend... since he wanted to try hitting on her as well. He never told me it was a secret, when he told me he had a new girlfriend.
Apparently he had told R that it's nothing serious (yeah he tries to hit on R as well... especially since they've kissed once).
Since he was my ''friend'' at that time, I didn't defend myself when he called me a traitor, a loser, and was blabbering about how I never accepted the fact that he had had more intimacy with R than I ever had (little does he know.). - Since the people there were all against him, I didn't see the point in defending myself as I wasn't feeling humiliated by his lies.
R and X stood up for me (I didn't ask them to :s)... and P was saying crap and threatening to physically attack me. Eventually R convinced him to talk on the following day, instead of ruining our night, and he agreed.
So he left.
R told me she can't take a man who can't stand up for himself, and that she didn't feel that I had her back, at that moment - she felt unsafe.
So I texted P saying ''We'll talk TODAY. If you still have the same ba11s, meet me at the plaza.''. I said to R and X ''Will you be mad at me if I leave the two of you alone here?'' and they said it was ok, and I went to the plaza.
At that time I was prepared for a physical conflict if needed (a bit insecure... he's a flyweight, and I'm 1m85, but he's national Muay-thay champion and I haven't fought for like 10 years).
Eventually when he got there I made a mess, verbally, and proceeded to call him every name in the book... I even said ''I'd like to call you son of many things, but I won't do that for respect to your mother, who was my science teacher.''
And I broke up our ''friendship'', which wasn't a friendship at all. 8 years? Yeah, right. I was friends with him for pity of how ridiculous he was/is. He used to tell everyone in school that I was his idol, and that he wanted to be like me... yeah, right.
On Friday, I was still a bit shaken about breaking up the ''friendship'' with P, and so I wouldn't be alone that day, me and R went to a concert, in the local theatre (Teatro Académico Gil Vicente).
We didn't kiss or anything.
On Saturday, me and R came back home (she had her car in Coimbra, and was driving down to Palmela - she left me in Lisbon and from there to Cascais it's fast)
During the trip I let slip that I had told X that we kissed. OUCH.
She was extremely sad... started crying. Cried all the trip. It was about 1 hour that felt like an eternity.
She told me I had broken our pact, and that I had even made her best friend lie to her.
She said her two best friends had both lied to her, and now she didn't know who she could trust.
She said there wasn't going to be anything more for X to know, that there was not going to be anything between me and her anymore. She said this was treason.~
She told me how she had been raised to know how to do a little of everything, and how I didn't know how to do anything.
She told me how she couldn't accept a guy who couldn't stand up for himself.
She told me how some loves were impossible, and how our personalities werent compatible. She told me she couldn't imagine raising a child with me, and that she thought she'd be the one wearing the pants at our home.
She told me how every time she was in doubt about whether she liked me or not, I did something stupid and took away her doubts completely.
She told me how people don't change, and how a person's personality is defined when one hits 20.
She told me how she, for the first time, regretted having made out with a guy... and said that did not happen even when she lost her virginity with a certain guy who ended up two-timing her.
I said how I was sorry, and how I regretted what I had done, and how I was trying to change for her, and that I could do it, and how I loved her.
In the end of the trip, she said to me in an accusing tone: ''Why are you telling me that? Is it so I'll make out with you again?''
I accepted the fact it was over, and wanted to save what could be saved, so I told her something like ''No... Ok, that's over. But I want to at least save our friendship, if you let me.''
So we hugged. And I left.
It wasn't an actual hug. It looked and felt like one, physically. But to me it wasn't a hug, it was a funeral.
About 30 minutes later I sent her a text, apologizing, and saying that when I told her I liked her (1st january), I did so because I was sure I would never make her cry.
I said that the fact that the guy she liked before had been two-timing her was really annoying to me.
Told her that I couldn't help thinking ''Why did I hurt exactly the most important person in my life?''
Said I was really sorry about what I had done, and that I wouldn't fail again and would do my best to be worthy of how much she cared for me.
I also said at the end of the text ''Even if there can't be anything between us, I love you and you're the person I've loved the most. I'll keep the promise I broke but you let me remake today, and also the new one (to tell you what's in my mind when I'm sad or angry).''
She did not reply.
Later that day I was feeling like utter crap. Shed tears at home (my mom was quite worried), went out for a walk, shed some more tears.
When I talked to X about how bad I was feeling she let slip that R had told Y and Z about what happened (Apparently Z ''guessed'' what happened).
I couldn't stay in Cascais...
Came back to Coimbra the following day (sunday) to drown myself in Playstation3 (so as to not think about anything)... it's not really working though.
Today I'm going back to Cascais. My sister's coming back from Czech Republic and I want to spend time with her.
2 days ago I sent her a text, saying how I had heard she had told Z, and how I knew that did not matter, because the important thing was that I had lied to her.
She replied (thank goodness...)
She said now what she wants is to not think about this anymore and study anatomy.
She was also mad that I knew (from X) that she had cried all day the day before. (Well, so did I, dammit! :s)
Said ''everything I tell one of you, the other knows!? is there no privacy?''
Said it's very frequent to try to soften our mistakes with the others' mistakes. That she didn't tell Z... that Z was the one who guessed, that she tried to deny but Z caught her. That she just couldn't lie in the face of a friend, LIKE SOME PEOPLE CAN.
In my text I had said that I was sorry about everything... and that if she could forgive me, I would like it if we could wipe each others tears and make them stop, instead of crying separately.