Thanks VoplySoply, I've never really been on the receiving end of male attention so I try not to kid myself on. Even though he told me he wanted into the pants, he's not said he wanted ME so I will procede with caution, even though when he comes and sits on my desk, with his legs touching mine, I want to jump on him! Roll on work tomorrow!
Best posts made by HELENEK
Latest posts made by HELENEK
RE: Help !!! Mad old woman in lust dilemma.
Help !!! Mad old woman in lust dilemma.
We've worked together since Jan 11 although he worked out of the office every day until now, and 2 weeks ago he added me as his facebook friend. The first night we were on until 3am, 2nd night till 6am and have been instant messaging most evenings since then. It was all innuendo and fun to start with but he's now working in the same office on a daily basis and I am demented with lust. I have never felt such instant attraction. I am pretty sure it's all one sided from me, although he is always the one to start the conversations and had told me he wants into my pants! He's a self confessed womaniser and this is where I get extremely confused ..... I am a very large woman so just what on earth is he doing flirting with me? I'm technically his boss so I know I can't take this further no matter how I feel but why is he doing this? My head says he just needs to feel that every woman falls for him, or that he's playing with me (he says he's not), but part of me wonders if he actually does like me .... he doesn't flirt with the other girl in the office and she says he's always looking for me coming out of my office. Any advice welcome.
RE: What do you really want?
Thank you TheCaptain. I am currently having a long look at myself and my behaviour and it's amazing how accurate this is, albeit it's hard to face sometimes! I had three comments from you on other threads (one which made me cry on the day!) but my goodness it's certainly given me the kick up the backside that I needed and I am very grateful to you. I am loving this learning process.
RE: In love with an "unknown" face?
Eidothea, I have been reading through these posts because I can recognise a bit of my own obsessive behaviour recently. Justavapor, thank for your posts, in particular section 2 and 4. They have certainly struck a chord with me, to the point of tears when I was reading the 3 last paragraph. It was the rescuing and the need to be rescued that got to me.
I feel the need to be rescued from the loss of a man who was never mine in the first place but a fantasy in my head for several years. Since he died I have been struggling to find proof for myself that I mattered to him and, when I did, have continually been telling myself that I was worth it. I am even thinking about attending a Spiritualist Church to see if I can get a message.
During this time, and I realise that it was probably to get me over the loss, I started "helping" a new young colleague, who has had some difficult times, with emotional support and guidance. We had a morning ritual of me texting him to make sure he was up for work, feeding him vitamins, texting during the day, even making sure he had a dinner at Christmas. I felt worthwhile but I was getting to the stage of being obsessive about him, keeping looking at the phone in case there was a text .... you know the kind of thing .... anyway, long story short I had to fire him for fiddling money from the company. I thought we had really bonded so you can imagine how that just fed into my normal feelings of being un-worthy!
Probably because I've been so obsessed with him, I am still in touch and still helping him. I am trying to act on advice from members of this site and cut down on my contact and certainly making sure that it's not always me who initiates the conversations. The Captain said "cut off from him" but I'm struggling to do that because of all his losses in the past and conversations we've had when he's been down makes me worry for him, sorry Captain.
I've never felt such a strong "click" with someone as with my young thief, we just seemed to be drawn to each other but Eidothea, obsession is lonely and painful. I am not in any position to be offering you advice but I do wish you well in getting to a safe emotional place.
I can't identify anything in my childhood which would make me think and behave the way that I do but I am slowly becoming very aware that I need to make some changes in my life and I thank the people here for making me focus on this. The reference to the 12 steps reminded me of a support group that a friend of mine told me about and I'm now working on plucking up the courage to actually attend OA as I feel this might be how I find my own self-worth and develop the healthy emotional intimacy refered to above.
RE: GRIEF, DEPRESSION, OBSESSION, you name it I've got it!
Thank you very much The Captain and Blmoon. You are both so right. I am searching for someone to lean on and to look after me. If I'm honest I've been doing that all my life and never found anyone yet. You'd think by the time I've got to this age I'd realise that I have to do it for myself, lol! 90% of the time with the young guy it's like I'm looking after him like a mum, complete with nagging and scolding, and that's a lovely feeling that I can help him but that horrible 10% bit just kept coming up in my thoughts that maybe he could help me and that just wasn't right. It wasn't in a sexual way but more of a "needing comfort" way. I think I've had the kick up the backside that I need. I need to leave my dreams where they were and start living in the real world. I need to stop hiding at work for 80hrs a week and face up to my life. If anyone can give me a vibe on whether I can trust the guy or not as a friend I'd appreciate just one more bit of help as my judgement is quite clearly all over the place just now. Thank you so much again. Hxx
GRIEF, DEPRESSION, OBSESSION, you name it I've got it!
Part 1: I was madly in love 18 years ago with a guy who didn't want me, I got depressed. Met up again about 6 years ago, went out several time a year as friends/colleagues and kept to mutual topics until the last night when our talk included chat about the past and he hugged me and kissed my cheek at the door. I was over the moon, but we were both married, so I put off meeting up again as I panicked that I would fall for him again. That was the last time I saw him, he died tragically 4 months later and I'd put off meeting him twice. I felt like I had lost him all over again and my grief was like he was mine. That was 6 months ago, I've not stopped crying and am find myself going back into that black place from my past.
Part 2: I find myself drawn to a young man who worked with me for a couple of months. This man has a lot of baggage and I was trying to help him emotionally. He really reminds me of when I was going through all that rubbish years back and to be honest it was a distraction for me to take the focus of my loss.. Although we don't work together now, we text and when we do speak on the phone we can speak for about 3 hours at a time. He let me down badly at work and I don't even know if I can even trust him as a friend my head is so mixed up, however, now unfortunately I am finding myself getting obsessed with him and I'm looking for the text messages. I think I am a bit depressed and I find it uncomfortable that I am looking a someone who is young enough to be my own child (he's 24). I know it's all to do with losing the man I thought was the love of my life and my old pain but how do I move forward from both of them without falling apart. Any advice welcome 8-)