Lisaisbabygirl0, thank you for your support! I agree with everything you have said.
I have never settled for being anything less that number one in the life of men I loved. The thing is that I'm not a gullible person and I can't forgive myself for being stupid again. It's not the first time that my love is unrequited but I have never suffered this much. If he hadn't made me (and all other people who know us) believe he was madly in love with me this spring, I wouldn't be feeling angry, disappointed and sad now. I thought I had finally learned something about love (I'm 33 now) because I learn my lessons and analyze my mistakes and illusions but it turned out I knew nothing.
I lost my faith in my sense of judgment, my intuition and value system. He took advantage of my feelings and the fact that we were close friends (I could rely on him in all possible situations).
He almost ruined my life, went on, got married as if nothing had happened. I'm confused and angry. I tried so hard not to love him and be fooled but I had never been sure about someone's affections as I was about his. All I've learned is that I haven't learned anything about love in my life. I'm sorry for being such a drag but the last few days have been an emotional nightmare for me. Nobody has ever hurt me this much and I can't forgive myself for letting it happen.
I wish all the best to you and your son and thank you for being supportive!