I read what you wrote and to me it seems like you are creating your own bad energy in the way you think of yourself. I can also tell by what you wrote that you are dealing with some low self Esteem issues along with a victims attitude, which is just my opinion. There are many healing Techniques having to do with energy Reiki is one using light touch, you can get a book at just about any book store like Barnes and Nobel called Essential Reiki by Diane Stiein. the other healing Technique is done strictly through meditation which is called Pranic you can get a free meditation download at this site http://www.pranichealing.com/, but if you Google Pranic Healing there is a lot more to choose from and a lot of it is free. whether someone believes that we aren't made with energy or not just ask a doctor he will tell you that we are energy. Reiki and Pranic relax me so much that the only things I can think of are positive thoughts. If you were in Arizona I would direct you to my Reiki Teacher while your taking the classes they also put you on the table and practice on you, and you learn to practice this technique yourself. Standard forms of meditation will help also. There is a saying about meditation in my classes the question is, Do you know why the Chinese monks created meditation; answer: because Life sucks and they can go to beautiful places while meditating.