So much has gone on between us during the on and off again 3 years. Our relationship can be the highlight of my day or the bain of my depression. When we click, there is nothing like it but when we don't its complete disaster.
We have been off and on for 3 years...though the last year has been completely off and we remained in communication through email or phone calls. But that is mainly due to the fact that we have a child together. (one that should not of happened, given i was on birth control and he was involved with someone else at the time) but none the less I can't imagine my life without our child.
I thought that I had found closure that we would never get back together, and that we would always just be parents. But just a little over a month ago, he moved to the new state and city in which we reside at. As he wanted to establish a better relationship with our child. I have only seen him twice, though we talked/argued more on the phone over the most silliest of things. But the times we seen eachother, we were playful, happy, smiling, a little uncomfortable but both of us would say after that the majority was good.
We had a long discussion over a week ago, in which both of us admitted to things we had done to the other. Granted it hurt to hear somethings, and realize the lies that were said. But I left the conversation feeling as if things were opening up between us and finally we were both able to understand the other on some level, since we spoke of our interest in counseling and parenting classes. That night my hope was slightly renewed in thinking that we may come back together again. However, that was the last time we spoke. It has been almost two weeks now.. I have called, left messages, sent text and even emailed as our child was asking to see him but there has been no response.
I initially assumed that what we talked about finally hit him and he has allowed his anger to prevent him from communicating with me, but now I wonder will this continue towards our child as well. I thought that I had moved on, but now I feel lost not knowing anything. I miss my friend, so very much now and yet though I know that things that he did and that I did contributed to any and all problems I don't understand how it is expected of me to forgive and let go of his faults but mine don't seem to be given the same consideration.
I had always been told that capricorns can be difficult, but for whatever reason we are in eachothers lives and despite us both trying to leave we continually come back. Now we are tied by a child, and now closer in location then we have ever been. Am I living in a fantasy world to imagine that things will smooth out and a rebirth will happen for us because of the littlest changes, or are these littlest changes true signs?
And why now does every wound seem re-opened, its like no