Okay, don't chastise or excommunicate me from this site but gemini or not doesn't make a difference. I agree with the earlier statement that he has been hurt, thus the mean cooment toward you and he has moved on. If his new relationship is okay with the no marriage and abusive views that is her issue. Now for you. You were in this relationship for 5 years and it died. Now you must go through a grieving process just as you would the death of someone you know. One note is that you initiated the break up in the relationship, which began the end of it. You then find yourself going through periods of sadness and anger at first and depending on where you were in the ending process you may even try to bargain, even with your God. You may very well fluctuate between those for a long period of time. You will then get yourself to accept the end of the relationship as a reality and will begin to move forward in your life. Lastly, you will find full acceptance in the end of the relationship, only this time in your heart.

No one can say how long it will take to finally find that full acceptance in your heart. You were dedicated to the relationship for 5 years and it probably won't happen in only 6 months. It takes time, you will know when it is time to move on; and you probably will not feel those butterflies again till you have fully accepted the end of the previous relationship. Give yourself time, there is nothing wrong with you and it will get better. I wish you all the best as you move on.

Hello Mj, I am so sorry that everything seemed to crumble for you in the past week, but now it is time to put things in order as you are no longer hiding anything, which really is a lot easier to cope with for you as you already have enough on your plate. First off, if nysiwas isn't a marriage and family therapist, she really needs to think about it; as her advice is very sound and very good. I will complete my PhD in the next couple months and her advice is as sound as I could have offered. Also angeleyes3516125 has given you some real good things to consider along with those who have struggled through many of the same things.

Yet, you think that what they have provided you is mute, because you cheated on your marriage and it came back on you. The fact is, it has made things easier because now he obviously knows that there is something seriously wrong with the marriage that allowed you to succomb to another man. Leaving the addiction thing out, was not as big a deal as some may paint it, as the advice is pretty much the same.

END one relationship, before you start another

and during the time between them, get your own life in order.

Yes, this guy was able to give you some sound advice. Getting some money together (afterall, you have provided income all along), ending the relationship, not becoming to involved (oh wait, what happened to that; guys can be so good at saying things and then getting in bed with a woman). Now what do you do. Your husband has once again strong armed you into staying and this abuse, yes abuse has to stop. I don't wantto tell you what to do but in an effort to be brief I will: 1- Do not go back to the drugs, stay straight for you and your kids as you have got to keep your wits about you if you ever want out of this. 2- Get your job back, he has no right to tell you to leave your means of support, all he is doing is making you more dependent on him. 3- It is time to confront your husband, tell him it is you and your family or the drugs; you have both got to get help, but do it seperately. If he chooses the drugs, that's fine it is time to leave! The philisophical/religious side of the marriage vows will not do you much good when there is an addiction and abusive spouse present 4. If he chooses you and the kids, give him a ultimatium, as for time to find help (perhaps a week) and let him know that you are also trying to get your life straight so NO Drugs in the house, if he falters or if he chooses the drugs to begin with, you gave him his chance, go live with your friend, but only if she is not not an addict, and start your new life. If you have to leave, wait till he goes to work and get a couple friends (female) to help you get your stuff out fast. If you have to find somewhere to go see it there is someone else or there are shelters available. I say it in this order as it will be much easier if there is someone in your life and it will make it easier.

The idea of getting some money together was great except that would have only been sound if your husband didn't know you may be leaving.

Get out while you still can. Your husband definitely appears to be overcontrolling and with the drug use this could escalate very quickly. If it is needed even take out a restraining order to keep some distance.

Once again, I am only offering you these steps directly, as things are going so fast now and you will only have so long to react. Relook the things that have been shared here and make a plan, but once again do it quickly as I can see things getting ugly real fast now, and first and foremost, you have to take care of you and your children. Oh and if you haven't figured it out yet, I am a guy. I wish you the very best and keep us posted when you can.

Ginia, I hope that you don't think this is over. Undoubtedly, this can and may occur again. Ginia, whatever you do, don't just back off when your daughter is concerned. You could very well be the only thing standing in between her and a real ugly reality/world. The trust/sincerity/commitment of the relationship will continually be tested and your daughter must be aware of this. Though she feels strongly for this person and has known him for a while, they have just begun the relationship and this should be kept in mind. I agree with Dalia in that the relationship has to grow and this young suiter, needs to go through the steps of this new relationship. Your daughter is only 17, please don't let her be like my daughter and a mother at 19. If they have only been together as a couple for only 7 weeks and she has already lost her virginity, they are going entirely way to fast. It would definitely be a good idea that they put the intimacy on hold for a while. How did she feel about the possibility of this guy being a father already? If this guy is the right one, he will survive. No one has ever died from being celbate in a relationship. Tell your daughter that she can look at it as a test of the relationship, to see how he reacts. If sex is a continuing issue with him, he is in it for the wrong reasons, if he accepts her decision, that is a good sign. Unfortuanely, your daughter could very well be enjoying it enough that she won't want to stop. Staying with the guy doesn't mean she has to have sex with him. You know better than anyone if this guy is right for your daughter. What is your opinion of him? Can you see him as the father of your grandchildren, your daughter's husband, your son-in-law. If the answer to either of the first 2 questions is no, then you really need to intervene as you will probably be right, and you are not as emotionally involved as your daughter is, and could be looking at matters in a clearer light. You seem to have a real good grasp on the situation and I hope that this is because your daughter is sharing with you. Whatever you do, don't be confrontational as it will sever this.