I have thoroughly enjoyed hearing all the interesting things you curious Aquarians have taken the time to share with the rest of us. I am completely new to Astrology but fascinated with it all as I see how accurate it's profiles often are. I am a very typical Aries, but I am deeply emotional and attached to people. I am atypical to Arians in that I am not independant -- I need to be intimately joined to my peers. I love having close intimate relationships with others, and knowing there are those out there who know all about me but love me anyway means the world to me. I am very opinionated and strong, and tend to always lead.... but I have a tender heart that is easily broken -- although few would ever know that about me. Most think I am the strongest woman they know. With that groundwork laid, I am here to ask for help from some Aquarians in a matter that is very dear to my heart..... and would greatly appreciate any info/advice you may choose to render.
I have an incredible life ..... amazing husband, lots of great children, a rewarding career and all that, but since moving a few years ago I have really missed having best friends nearby so I have sought that out. I have found several friends and I love them all, and they are very diverse and each seem to bring something unique to the table, so to speak. I have always had an easier time maintaining friends with men through the years, because I just seem to be wired more like them in some ways. Here is my problem:
I have this one male friend (Aquarius) who I enjoy so much. He is a great deal like my husband (who I have been with for 29 years...since I was 12) in many ways, so I think I felt like I already knew him a bit when we first met. He was shy and introverted and a loner --like my husband used to be when we were kids, until I changed him! lol-- and I think I pretty much thought that this man could really benefit from an outgoing friend who knew how to get people to trust them and open up to them and all. At first I tried to be friends with him because I thought he needed that, but over the years I have learned how much he has to offer and I count him as a true blessing in my life.
I have never been friends with any one like him before, and it is a really hard friendship for me to maintain. I consider myself to be excellent at analyzing people and seeing what makes them tick, but I can't figure out one thing about him!!! : ) I am a VERY giving person who just loves loving people. I always look for ways to make people smile, help them, show them they are loved, etc. I am an excellent true blue friend that would die would a stranger easily, so the lengths I would go for a friend are exceptional.
Over the first few years of trying to build our friendship I probably overwhelmed him a lot and crowded him sometimes, because I am like that and he demands huge amounts of personal space. Like I might let some cookies in his car one day with a note saying "what's up, my friend?" and although it was very strange to him, it was completely normal for me. In the early years, he would make me so mad because I would always try to be there for him in every way that I could, but he never tried to "give back" in any way. There wasn't anything I wanted from him, but it made me feel like he didn't value my friendship. Once I asked him if he did value it and he vehemently could not admit it to me. I told him I wanted to be the kind of friend to him that he knew would always be there for him, and grow old together. He said that was weird, and he doesn't need friends like that, that he is happy in his own little world all by himself...... but his words never seemed to add up. It hurt me so much because I crave intimate friendships, and I just wanted to know what was so wrong with me when I thought I was a friend of pure gold. He basically seemed to be threatened and felt like I was saying he wasn't "good enough" to be my friend when I would try to communicate my feelings about such things. No matter what he said, his warm smile and his slowly-forming trust in me, told me that he must appreciate our relationship. I decided to try to just be the kind of friend he needed and not be as sensitive. I realized that is just who he is and he will prolly never show friendly affection to me in any way. Because I valued him so, I would have to learn to accept that -- as hard as that was for me.
But here we are, about five years later. ... Aries me and a very typical Aquarian (except not at all the social butterfly or altruistic soul). We have made lots of progress. We can talk on the phone about nothing for 8 hours and it feels like no time at all -- which I NEVER thought would happen in my lifetime! lol Sometimes I know he is enjoying our conversation as I tell him every embarrasing thing about my life --as the total open book I am-- and he gives almost nothing up on himself! I asked him the other day what his biggest fear was and it was like I asked him the most personal question in the world, and of course he refrained from answering !lol In my heart I have come to really know that he values this friendship... I can tell that much....but my head tells me another story. All these years I have initiated every single text, call or visit. I invite him to go places or hang out at my house and he ALWAYS declines. There are only two things he will ever do with me in person, occasionally stop by in the afternoon for lunch as he works almost door, and have me over to his place to hang out/chat some evenings. If I text /message him, I might have a ratio of about 10:1 that he responds. It always seemed to be like he is my friend when he feels like it. I don't understand this-- it seems so cold and selfish. I am a friend to all of my friends 24/7 and NEVER ignore/dismiss them. We can be really having fun one day and the next day he goes distant and wants "his space" for days or months. This makes me feel like there is something so terribly wrong with me, like I annoy him too much to stand me for long. I want to pull away and be mad when he does this to me, but I do love him as a friend and I want so to understand why he keeps doing this to me...over and over again. I am NOT a doormat and don't let people take advantage of my kindness, but I feel sometimes like I let him....but then the next minute I really think he doesn't mean to hurt me and he just can't help it for some reason. I have gone through a lot of hurt in this friendship, and if I didn't have the strong love and security at home in my husband I would have ended it this friendship years ago. I am trying to be strong, avoid conflict by bringing this up to him, and instead just trying to better understand him. That is what brought me to astrology and to this forum. Can anyone out there help me to understand what is going on here with my dear Aquarius friend? Can you tell me if it is me or just "the Aquarian way"? What can help an Aquarian to open up and let others in? He is almost 40 and has never even been in-love once....that breaks my heart! I want to see him let go so he can embrace new relationships and hopefully find his soul mate one day.... but I can't see that happening without being able to express his feelings on an emotional level. If I back away from this friendship I am afraid that he will close himself off to others worse than ever before, but at the same time how often do I need to be made to feel like the mud on his shoe? PLEASE HELP ME OUT, GUYS!