I am a Cancer Girl. I got my heart caught up with a Scorpio Guy that I have been chatting with for 18 months online. Our intellectual communication expressed everything, included both verbal and non-verbal (hugging, cuddling, touching) cues of expression with no shame; The laughter was Great. When we met, He was KIND and Bashful/Shy. He was very nervous. We ONLY shared warm hugs and kisses. Needless to say, after we met, the words on the wall became more and more enjoyable that the next time couldn’t come fast enough. We both shared how much we adored each other and was hoping it would develop into something special…I do recall there were times he mention that he was afraid of me, he didn’t want to anyone to be hurt, and or suppose it didn’t work out… Then suddenly, within the last 4 months, he told me he did not want to discuss us being in a relationship, he just wanted to chat on IM as a friend. It hurt me, but, I agreed. Two months later, he ask me could we be “Friends with Benefits” (FWB). I said NO! No, I would not be a FWB or a booty call. He said he did not blame me. Then why the hell he ask me some crap like that? Hence, I did not understand why the change of wanting someone special to FWB. After that, he came back with something different almost every other week. Needless to say, WE CLASHED and His words were so hurtful. He said some mean things… all I could do was cry. We fought online from me not calling when I said I would to me not being available at a time that he wanted to meet… he sound so self-centered. His words were very hurtful and it became difficult emotionally to chat; therefore, I decided to focus on making my transitions positive… he then ask me why I was quite and I told him ‘I didn’t have much to say at the time and I needed to focus on business opportunities…’ He then went off on me saying that I only contacted him when convenient for me and then ignored him… This was so not true. Through the tears, I tried to explain the stress I was under, how chatting was becoming difficult, and I liked him so so much, but, I could not allow my heart to be a revolving door… I felt that we needed some space until we could sit down and talk heart to heart because there was another level for us when we were not hurting… After that, I had not heard from him for over a month… I tried reaching out to him several times, to keep the online friendship at least, but, this was to no avail… In fact, his only response was “You rebuffed me as though I were a trivial inconvenience when I tried to chat with you” and he was going to block all communication from me and that would make it easier for him... “WTH”. I think he did block my emails, but, I can still see him on the IM. I was totally taken aback by all this… With all my heart I tried to let him no that his statement(s) was not true. I REALLY FELL FOR HIM! Now, I am not sure he even cared.
I know I need to be strong and move-on, but, I guess I miss our connection, before the Clash that is... and I do miss our many many conversations very much... Just would like to understand WHY and HOW the tables turned? How do I shake it all off? Heartbroken.