The topic you posted does reflect what I have experienced over the past 9 months. I am unsure how to explain what has happened, and how I can regain my power, as I have been physically and emotionally down for so long. I had major surgery March 2nd of this year. Recovery did require determination, and strength. It was very painful. My physical body is better now, but I still have limitations. I am facing the same surgery in January of 2011,. (Total knee replacement).
That aside, I recently left a chat forum attached to a shopping channel. It was my very first foray into the wind wild webb. I figured it would be fun and safe, because everyone there had one thing in common...shopping from this particular channel.
To my surprise and dismay, it turned out to be a snake pit. Within 10 days of my first post, I was dogged, beratted, called names, taunted...You name it. I don't know why a group of women did this. But in that short span of 10 days, I made very nice friends there as well.
I tried to leave, the nice people asked me to stay. I didn't let "them" run me off...I stayed. The mean gang picked on others too. But I seemed to be a direct target.
All I ever sought was friendship. The board could be a very friendly, supportive, bonding place. I made many friends there. The gang started up with me again about a month ago. It was unspeakable, toxic, and vile. I stood my ground with these trolls as long, as as best I could. None of my friends, and I had plenty, ever came to my side during these attacks. They did not want to be targeted too. I can understand that. But I DID stand by one of these friends, my the closest friend, when she was unter attack. I was there for her while the trolls called her names, a liar...You get the picture. Some women on that board were extremely nasty, to the point of being evil.
As I said, in the past month I was THE target. They (trolls) did not let up. They followed me from thread to thread, trying to pick a fight...in the WORST way. It was something that could not be ignored. In other words, I stood my ground. It became much to much. The webmaster did not enforce their own community standards. I had reported these people, and wrote to the webmaster., to little avail.
When I said 'Uncle'..."You win"..".It's not worth it"..., my friends begged me to stay. But they were NEVER around when I could have used some moral support, like I had given them.
I did leave. Now, my suppossed 'friends' are angry at me for leaving. One refered to me as their "Leader"..I said "LOL..I'm not your leader!"
I gave a lot of myself to that forum. If people needed prayer, I was there, if someone was down, I was there. I didn't forget anyone. I feel now, that my closest 'friends' fed off of me. It did take stamina to continue posting there. That combined with the unprovoked attacks (these women just did not WANT me there), I collapsed. Now I have learned I am an outcast even among the friends I thought I had, and I am heart broken. I miss them terribly. I almost wish I hadn't left, but I will never go back. Especially knowing my very own friends are angry that I left.
I did not say to them, "Where were you when I needed somebody? Why did you just sit back and watch?"...But I wanted too.
The fact that I was there 9 months is significant to me. I started in October 2009, and it is now the end of July. That is the human gestation period. I don't know if this was meant to be a lesson learned of an open forum....I don't know if I was meant to be there for 9 months, my friends thinking I abandoned them in the end...Realizing that they were not really my friends. It is a loss for me.
Your topic spoke to me. It fits very well in the aftermath of this. Do I nurture and harbor my own strength now? Was that place zapping me of emotional energy?
Any comments will be greatly appreciated.....Thank You.