First, I never meant any harm by saying that. I can see why you’d take offence, but it wasn’t my intention. He’s just a cat to you. But I hope you understand, to me, he’s the most precious thing. He’s on a higher level to me than most other people. I would give my life for him. So that is the esteemed place with which I made that comparison. You may not agree. You don’t have to.
It’s easy for situations to be blown out of proportion, on forums and social media. It is only a snapshot - you don’t see the whole picture, and the complexities. You’ve formed a catastrophic image and assumption of my cat, which isn’t accurate. He isn’t lolling around, immobile and completely at the mercy of the environment. I have also shared some time back that it’s also the other peripheral tasks – laundry, cleaning up after meals (he eats small meals very frequently), any cleansing or normal grooming, massage therapy, etc. All these take time. And we do it at his pace. And I have said this many times that vets and their vet techs have told us he is not ready. We specifically sat down with the vets to discuss end of life issues multiple times because we were in doubt too. It’s hard watching him decline. They also told us about quality of life, and then said he just doesn’t fit the criteria. It’s like yes you shouldn’t need to give up everything to do this, and yes we understand the mobility and all the age related issues and all the care he needs. But he is still alert, bright-eyed, eating and drinking normally, using the litter box etc. He’s not ready. That animals who aren’t ready do suffer and struggle if put down. They say what we’re doing is correct, keep going. But keep watch in case things change.
Everything we are seeing with him suggests it is not his time. His vets say the same thing. Our intuition says the same thing. And you say otherwise. We even asked him because we do talk to him a lot. He was fearful when we even asked if he was ready to go. So we decided to trust, and wait for him to be ready, no matter how difficult, and have to remain vigilant everyday and be ready, in case he’s suddenly ready to go, or if his mobility no longer works. He is in already transition and he is starting to let go. My feeling is that it is soonish, but we are still following his lead. Because we were wrong before. I’ve been candid about what I'm doing. Yet somehow its my fault for keeping him here. An insinuation of neglect and abuse, when it is anything but. And in true social media fashion others just weigh in on it without knowing the backstory. I have followed my instincts, intuition and medical advice. I have tried to do right by him. Imagine how I feel.
You say that no one has judged my actions as invalid. But did you read your post, are you not ridiculing me for doing all this for a cat? Have you not judged as invalid, my actions, because you don’t equate cats as the same as humans?
To be honest, I too have felt insulted multiple times, and didn’t say anything. Because I appreciate your candour, and I know you are trying to help, and perhaps prevent me from making the mis-steps other have. But I do experience some things as being rude, condescending, projections, false equivalency and black and white thinking. I don’t mean that in a disrespectful way. It’s just how it comes across. There are many things that have been attributed to me or my experiences, that do not fit who I am, my motivations etc. Like I’m being pigeon-holed into labels, because there may be parallels. For instance, I have a nurturing streak but I don’t identify with being a caretaker – I have never been in that role - that’s why this experience is so hard for me. I had to allow myself to evolve and learn. I never said I think caretakers should give over their whole life. Or that it is supposed to look like that. I said it does happen. I believe caregivers should be able to juggle and have a life. I tried to. I made work from home arrangements previously, and I even tried to go part time. I tried to get help wherever possible. Eventually that wasn’t enough, so I evolved.
You said that I haven’t taken action and you said I don’t give up control. Are you saying that because what I do doesn’t follow advice or recommendations? You know, it may not suit your definition and I may seem in stasis and only complaining, and your effort on me seems wasted – but so much has changed for me and my approach, beliefs and outlook. A lot of it is because of what I’ve applied to what I've learnt here. 3 years ago, I didn’t trust the Universe one bit. Now I trust in divine order and timing, even if I struggle against it. I’m trying to grow in grace and gratitude so that I don’t get stuck feeling in despair. I used to stew in my thoughts and I’m getting better at communicating them. I don’t use the forums as much, because I’m learning to hear my own intuition. We’ve been shifting the narrative in our home, trying to clear up generational and ancestral karma, so that all of us can move forward. It’s not just about the caregiving. All the insight and manifestations didn’t come on their own. I’ve worked for it, prayed for it, heeded it. Everyday, I listen for insight and advice on what to do and I take action where its needed. If you look, you will see that I’ve often asked questions on how to understand issues or people, n why things are this way or that, or how I can improve myself or the situation. It’s not complaining for its sake. I’m trying to improve. And it’s useful to learn from others who have also been tested. I don’t talk about it to anyone besides my sis. Others have no idea and they can’t tell I’m going through something. I share a lot here, because this is what I considered to be a safe space to be vulnerable.
I wish this could be a place where we could hold a respectful space for each other to seek solace and help, to share and find their own truth, even when we don’t agree with any of it. Where we can share our truth without needing to make others wrong for their beliefs and choices. And where we can allow for expansion of perspectives. No one has all the pieces, and for good reason.
I always knew there would be a limit to continuing this dialogue, because we’re just coming from such separate places, and it must seem that you’re giving answers repeatedly and it’s not heeded. Just know, that the advice is noted. It’s not wasted. I can’t right now but one day, I’ll be able to draw from that to move forward. So be well, and thank you for everything.