K, well. Good luck. It's a dark world out there without people of light like yourself. Take care.

Hithunder. U didn't get my post? I seem to get that a lot lately, lol. Guess I'm not getting more clear or more poignant. Anyway, glad u r still around. I was reading the thread and it kinda sounded like u guys were gonna go post in some obscure place and leave the rest of us to twiddle our thumbs. Lol, how r u and what's sandran712 so perturbed about?

d@mn!+ . I just found this thread and now the fiery people want to take thier marbles and split! I am not an average Capricorn male, I'm really messd up! Cmon t07 and sandran... Let's post it out so I can get this mess off my head. And by the way, some cap males are extremely emotional. We just lashout in dramaqueen type fashion when we get angry or whatever becauswe are so bad at seeing our emotions for what they are. Feelings are tricky for pointy heads. We spread our feelings with verbal knives. It's really juvenile, and I'm the worst.

Hi T07. I havnt been doing much on here lately and wanted to say hi and see how you are getting along with the crabpeople. You have been a great source of hope and encouragement as I've worked my way thru the maze of cap-cancer polarity. Kinda like yin yang of the zodiac for us: the Capricorn Cancer balance. You seem in good spirits anyway, glad to see it.

Yea the abyss is dark and deep. It can , at times, seem to pull me down when I didn't even know I was depressed. I was sinking down at one point just today. But thankfully, I realized I was tired hungry and a bit frustrated. Recognizing the pattern I stopped working and went to lunch. Eating helped, but a technique that I learned sometime back had a greater positive affect. I read the news paper. I don't really do this for the information. Although, I'm an admitted info junky. I do this to relieve my mind from my mind. Like a nap without the drool and eye boogers. Just letting my mind attenuate to things not specifically related to me or my work is more refreshing than anything I've found. Well except for s3x you probably know this trick, but I forget sometimes and can tell when I've stressed my psyche past it's normal operating limits. I am supposed to take anti-depressants but have been without insurance for over a year. It's been brutal but now that i am employed again that should be rectified forthwith. We hope

Oh and sorry boutthe corny emoji's

I'm playin with trick I learned about my iPhone.

And may blessings rain upon your whole circle of loved ones. B3K 

By the way, most of the severe symptoms go away about thirty to ninety days cleantime.

Thanks AB! That really helped my perspective, and my sense of hope. I know it's hard to stay the course, as I'm a backslider from the old school. I once had a year and a half sober and found my way back to the old trail of tears. It's nice to hear your resilience despite the break-up you went thru. I guess you know that we addicts also use anger and love and all the other emotions as drugs to block the deeper stuff we have been blocking. The subconscience is crafty when it comes to decieving our concious minds. I was using paranoia as an outlet for the grief I was already feeling. Both sadness from way back, and sadness from lack of dopeamine in that current state. The mind doesn't like to think it might be broken, so it looks for external causes. It's easier for our concious minds to point to external influences to explain the misery it's holding onto in our subconcious self. It trick us and we fall for it. It's called paranoid schizophrenia. And it's a common side affect of meth. Most people don't know that, so I'm kinda spreading the word. There is no known physical addiction to meth so they don't administer anything to people coming off it. But the psychological ramifications are devastating and the rehab community is illequipped to deal with this. That's why so many meth addicts end up in jail, or dead. There is no quality help in the institutions. Thought u might like to know.

I was the problem first. It was me. I forgot one crucial bit of information. It wasn't unuill I spoke with another addict earlier about people distancing from her out of self-preservation, that I remembered something very important. I broke the deal. I became insecure, paranoid, jaded, accusatory, irrational, obsessed guy. I became someone she hadn't fallen in love with and in essence, broke the deal. No matter what happened or didn't happen after that, because she wasn't even dealing with the man she had fallen for. I messed it all up with dop*e. It was me. Wow, I hate introspection, and yes bluecat, I am a fool. But I'm a sober fool now, and I'm sorry to my crabcake. I miss her and will never get to say those words to her face. She always was smarter and more patient than me. I never knew how much that stuff was klling my mind my spirit and my relationships. All my world was ruined at the alter of meth. Beware anyone who dies not know, it will laugh as it destroys everything.

Most definitely mel! I'm feeling like a mellion bucks! Lol . I combined yours and aunt bucks names . Haha I'm an idiot I know, but I couldn't resist ;)-

Mellove u r sooo right on that. You all r helping me believe that passion isn't a worthless endeavor. I've neve felt passion like that before. But now I see that it cold have been even more intense if I hadn't had the distractions of jealousy and resentments of betrayal. I ccould have powered a whole city block on the energy I created just thinking of her. I bet I could have powered the whole zipcode if she had the same I tensity returning. It was that good and could have been that great. Now I k ow that greatness is possible, and with luck maybe one day I will find it. Maybe we all will if we stay true to ourselves and genuine to each other.