ecstasy is your very nature; not to be ecstatic is simply unnecessary. To be ecstatic is natural, spontaneous. It needs no effort to be ecstatic, it needs great effort to be miserable. That's why you look too tired, because misery is really hard work; to maintain it is really difficult, because you are doing something against nature.
Thank you Hans. I think I understand what you are saying and you are dead on when you say I look tired. I need to let go of past baggage, and 'be in the moment' is what I think you mean. That's what I mean by working on myself...learning to recognise the moments I am doing that to myself and STOP IT! lol
On a brighter note I did just that last night . Went and spent time with some of my bevloved family and had a wonderful time. You are so right...it takes no effort.