Lol...Hi EarthAngel..I'm right here...Happy Taurus Month to all you taureans!...I'm in a really a vulnerable place right now..that's all.:-)
The taurus girl I'm interested in...pays no mind to my facebook-messaging...all she does is continually "poke me" on FB...and like on her birthday..so many ppl went on her wall-page & wished her "happy birthday, and many more" etc...and like..well I was one of the people who later contributed that day...(I couldn't hand her any flowers or visit her to offer gifts cos she's in another, far city.. I did think about findin er somehow,someway - but her silence taunts me - and I'm a very needy type of person - I need affection to feel at least feel "fueled up" in some way..and she really chips in at a rate of 'no-interest'..demotivating me)...
Back to the storyline..when I wished her happy birthday that 28th April...after having sent her a message 2 weeks prior..saying in a very charismatic fashion to anonymously suggest that a very special someone will be celebrating birth on the 28th ..& that her help on what I could say to make that girl that's got me smitten.. at least to think about me..would be appreciated. She ignored it completely THAT TIME...no pokes, no reply, no nothing...and her mutual friend which I did explain was helping me supposedly "get across to her" ended up not responding either to my talks (I did type her in portuguese assuming she was...so that part could be partially my own doing). But I get it now. This whole pursuit is dysfunctional because of distance. Now I understand why they say Taureans need sheer hard proof...and I do want to...but we live in what can be termed "2 different worlds".
Like she could have other plans in mind..I mean like a boyfriend of which I don't know...her silence definitely COULD confirm that.
Kmuse was right too...this entire game of doing things that you think will be to "satisfy another" only leads to paranoia..you know..you start thinking what did she feel about that "message"?..How does she feel about me?..AM I long forgotten after what was in ACTUAL TERMS ..a vague connection?? I'm starting to think yes. Moreover..we've both practically started our future ambitions this year..having graduated last year..and with all this time..why would she still hold a memory card for a lover with absent activity..?
I'll just have to move on. I don't want to. I just feel like simultaneously there's so many more fish in the sea..to keep myself caught in my own fish-net - just because my prey isn't catching my bait.
Perhaps I'm the one who's not throwing the right bait. I don't know.
It just puzzles me why I still think about her occasionally..why does she occupy my mind..we weren't even anything more than "potential" lovers..and yet I deem her to be an angel..I began thinking it could be likened to infatuation...after all I don't have a stethoscope that encompasses who her heart beats for.
And becaus I know (as a taurean girl's trait)..she likes to be admired & make my admiration seems unrequited..it gives her boost as far as I can tell..she likes knowing there are suitors after her..and you know..it makes me like a pawn for her own morale-boosting. It's something i'm ot keen on being..just a charm for her ears..or a song for her reminisce about & then switch off whenever she likes. I'm not saying she's usign me---cos she's definitely NOT DOIN THAT..we ave no connection as would seem since the 28th April..except wait..she did POKE ME a few hrs after that Birthdat-message..but what's THAT supposed to signify..other than..thanks for thinking about me.
I wish I could show you guys the messaging..I think I'm gonna copy it from my facebook onto this page..becuase i'm beginning to think the "progress" I seemed to mention is "all in my head"..i come to see it all as platonic communication..nothing more..i'm the one who's wearing my heart on my sleeve..here it is:
My name is Victor by the way, lol...still u cn call me CANCER-TEEN:
January 5 Victor
Hi stranger! It's victor.(u kno who....)..um, just wanted to greet you & add u to my shortlist of friends (plz be willing..plz & thanx). Hollar
January 8 Bronwen
Hey u.ja dont worry about it.i dont mind.im gr8 and how are you?
January 9 Victor
I'm alryt (nw that high school's history!) yea nah I'm good. Just miss stalkin you arwnd campus (lol). Happy bel8ed new year bronny.
January 28 Bronwen
Lol i hope u nt stil a stalker
January 28 Victor Antia
Lol. I tink i'v outgrown it. (to ur relief). Im takin a diff approach nw cos it's gone out of style - we stalkers get nowhere wit dat (..-..)sad huh
March 25 Victor Antia
Hi Bronny. I wanna confess something to you. u probably already knew I had a crush on u (lol)..well I did..and you know I'm kinda lookin at bits and pieces of ur pics evryday & remembering ur sassy attitude..u r a nice girl..I just couldn't see it..bcos you sugar-coated it with your stubborn-talk (lol). I miss you. Just lookin at your pics makes me realise alot. plz don't laugh at me whereeva u r - and think I'm just being kiddish. I mean it. You're a good girl Bronwen. I c now. Don't change babygirl..I hope I meet someone like you someday. It would be a matching par in my life..finally I can be with someone dats kinda innocent & sensitive..You know what they say about when Cancer and Taurus meet..a match made in heaven (lol bt 4real - very compatible traits). Oh well..wish you the best in life..like u said..don't mind haters, embrace life""..keep on being successful in whatever u do. mwwaaahz:-)
April 15 Victor Antia
Hi again...how u..umm..don't wanna seem like I'm bugging you..it's just someone poked me on facebook yesterday & it actually really hurt..like..u can really actually feel it in ur chest..it's tingly..so um..i wanted to know if you've also been getting poked like that online 2..?
Oh and also..this girl that's got me smitten.. is having a birthday in less than 2weeks..I think she's gonna be 19..what should I say to her on her b-day..so that she at least..thinks of me..bcos i always think about her. I was gonna get her a gift but.. i don't know where she lives (and I don't wanna seem like a stalker cos she hates that) plus i don't even know where she is this year..or what she's doing..so yeah.
But it has to be something that'll really get er attention bcos I think she 'll find small-talk immature..since I could've done that before..& not nw.
So a word or two that'll make her day special would be appreciated.
Looking forward to it.
#take-care, thanks in advance#
SEE...she only responded ONCE...the rest are all pokes..only that..it's really demotivating.
All the pokes commenced after she began cutting contact whence my speech started denoting peculiar intentions..hence Janaury 28th, 25March & 15 April..
HELP#..crab is manoeuvring into bounteous, perilous sea..SOS..bulls can you hear me!?
I'm drowning...should I catch a fish (pisces) to console me in this stormy sea..could there be a scorpion (scorpio) that should try find in the sea strong enough to redirect me back onto beach-shore. I'm starting to reconsider.......0-o.
CT :-)..THANKS FOR READING. RESPONSES WELCOME