There are many reason why I back off sometimes. When I got into my first marriage, I had an idealized picture that the union would be built not only on love but trust and cooperation. Because I tend to trust, I don't ask many questions about where or what my mate has been doing. If it is something that she needs to tell me or I need to know the expectation again is my trust that she will. Well... this ended in divorce because dispite of her assurances, she was frivolus with our money. I saw my role as provider and protector , especially because of our daughter. I would worl all week and basically just hand over the check for bills, emergencies and savings. Because I thought that our getting married was a true expression of trust it was not in my nature to follow up and micro-manage our finances. The level of disrespect would incrementally increase until by the time I did explore our financial situation we were deeply in credit card debt. My wife also worked so our income was good. I would start dinner when I got home, did more household chores than she and also attempted to make repairs in the house as they arose. It was this effort which I hoped demonstrated not only that I wished to make my home and family comfortable but since I hadn't lied or cheated I wanted the same. My second marriage was shorter but more disruptive. It started as a damsel in distress need some help and becam living with someone who did not work and expressed displeasure at all the things she did not have. In response, I worked two jobs and went back to graduate school full time. There was never a dinner or clean house awaiting me after my long days and the financial deceipt was again rampent. In both cases, what triggered the end was when I we felt enough disrepect to feell angry. I reached apathy and left but only after many attempts to "fix" the problems, Usually this involved my working harder. So ladies please don't feel that the game playing is one sided and goes from male to female. Some of the most devistating hurt I felt was from the woman who took my effort and trust as weakness and an opportunity to exploit. and take advantage of situations in which others are being or will be hurt.
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RE: Cancer men..... what do you mean??