ok, i can do that. i feel like you have something in particular in mind.

I don't know what you mean.

Thank you very much, Captain and Pfree. For many years, I was ok being alone, but now for the first time, I am very lonely. My friends have been seriously lacking, both of my parents are gone, I'm not thrilled with my job and my financial situation... I really feel like I am at a crossroads in my life. I do realize that part of my problem is that I do have a bit of an idealistic expectation of romance because of my parents, but I am realistic and honest enough to know that they had their moments. But at the end of the day, they were just as much in love as when they first got together. I have not been willing to settle for someone that won't bring me happiness, love and passion. Everytime I think that I may have found it, it turns out to be wrong for a variety of reasons. I don't expect anyone to be perfect, I know I certainly am far from it. and I have never tried to emit an aura of perfection. I admit that I have flaws, but I am truly honest 99.9% of the time. Part of me enjoys being alone, no matter who or what I'm involved in, I do need alone time. And I do have 2 cats that I love with all my heart and get unconditional love from them, but it's not quite the same as being in a romantic relationship. I don't know if I would want to get married at this point in my life, but I would love some companionship, and yes, I would like it to involve romance and passion, plus someone that I can talk to and be myself with. Someone who will accept me completely.

I admit that part of me is scared, but I really do not want to be alone. I really do want someone to share my life with. My parents had a beautiful and very loving marriage and I want the same thing. I look at my grandmother, who is a bitter, old woman and I don't want to be like that. I honestly do want companionship and passion and love. I've never been lucky in love throughout my entire life. I feel like I'm being punished for something that I don't know I did.

In case this doesn't work out, do you see any new possibilities in love and romance for me? I am so tired of being alone.

Thank you for your advice and honesty, Captain. I really appreciate that you didn't just tell me what you thought I wanted to hear. Of course, I do hope you're wrong and that things do work out with us. I guess time will tell. I will keep you posted.

Pfree, I totally understand what you're saying and you're right.... there is a danger of being misled, especially when the relationship starts online. But on the other hand, where do you meet people these days? The lifestyles we lead and the age that I am makes it very difficult to meet guys.

Captain, in your opinion, do he and I have a shot once we can get past this beginning garbage and will I be able to get past his self protective armour?

And also, he does say that he doesn't want to hurt me. He is going through some tough times right now, too. ANd you're right about the fact that he is secretive sometimes. I don't like that part of him, but I try to chalk it up to the fact that we haven't been face to face yet. I really believe that will be the thing that binds us further... once we can look into each other's eyes. I hope that doesn't sound too dramatic, but it's just my intuition telling me that.

There are many elements in your post that are right on the nose. Our relationship is unusual in many ways. I am 14 years older than him and we met online (and have not yet met face to face). We both have very intense feelings for each other and he has told me he loved me and I'm pretty sure I love him. It's very weird since we haven't met face to face yet. He has also brought up the possibility that we have been lovers before in another life or lives (and I tend to agree with him). He has told me that he has never felt such a strong connection with anyone before. Even though he says it doesn't, I think it scares him a little bit. He can be moody (and the I'm the one with the mercurial nature) and will not talk to me for a time and then things are back the way they were. We are usually able to talk about anything, but when he gets in these "freeze me out" moods, it is very hurtful to me. He says that he wants to take his time and not rush things, even though he was the one who told me he loved me. I know he is casually dating another woman, but he says that he does not love her, he loves only me. A big part of me believes him and part of me is skeptical, but I also know there is an intensity here that I have never felt before.

Thank you for your input, Paddlfluff. I really appreciate it. I definitely don't want the opportunity to float by.

Captain, my birthdate is 5/23/60 and his is 8/23/74. I could possibly get a picture of him from the website we met on or Facebook.