Hi Nefratit,

For the past few years I had been shifting over to the atheist frame of mind. If you had asked me last year about this I would have just said they were mere coincidences and that you mind was just trying to find connections because that's what we do as humans - we connect things and events because it makes up feel part of the larger picture.

But now I just don't know anymore. I've been a happilly married man for close to eight years now. I left behind friends and everything to be with her. And now outside of family only I have no friends and that never really bothered me.

Two months ago I had the most surreal dream. I rarely dream, at least anything that I ever remember, unless something majorly important is changing or about to change in my life. But in this dream there was the most beautiful woman I had ever seen in my entire life, amost angelic. She had thin flowing dark hair and her face was olive skinned and her features almost elven like and of ethnic origin. There was a warm sweet scent I couldn't place. She wasn't taller than me but seemed to be either floating above me or standing upon something because she had to lean down to reach me. And when she did she kissed me. We aren't talking wet dream kiss either. I mean that warm tender kiss of two souls connecting on a higher plane. Where the rest of my body felt chilled in contrast to the warmth of her kiss. I had never felt so alive in my entire life than in that one moment.

When I woke I could still taste and feel the warmth of her lips, still smell that sweet yet unidentifiable scent. It stayed with me for several days after, all of it. At that moment I knew something inside of me had changed and had been awoken. I started seeing all the things I had blinded myself to in my marriage and realized I was not with the one I was meant to be.

I had no friends to talk to about this without looking completely crazy - my wife had completely shut off my social life except for a small handful of acquaintances from a small online gaming community I used to run. And I fought with this feeling for over a month. And I had to keep asking myself why I let a dream like this get to me so much.

In an act of desperation to find people to talk to I signed up for an online chat service. Keep in mind I wasn't looking for anything romantic, just a friend to listen to my troubles. After three weeks of bouncing around different rooms I had found maybe three people who had even came off as remotely genuine. I've learned that most people who visit those chat sites are only looking for one thing and it wasn't what I was looking for. All but one of those people turned out to be a complete fake or someone I couldn't connect with or someone that didn't want to listen.

The one that was genuine I connected with more than I ever expected to. Talking to her was almost like talking to myself. After a while of chatting we exchanged first names and I was shocked that her real was the same exact name I had given to the woman in my dream. A week later we exchanged pictures and my jaw almost literally hit the floor. That's right she was the woman I had dreamed of two months earlier. The other strange thing I realized today was that her ex-bf had dumped her over something really really stupid almost exactly two months ago, right around when I had that dream.

I've really been struggling to find the coincidences in this, my atheist nature and all... but now that's broken and I've yeilded to fate.

So now my biggest struggle is how to get out of the marriage I'm in to be with the person fate has apparently destined me to be with. In a way that hurts my wife and child the least. My wife isn't a bad person and has always been good to me. We've just grown apart and I've come to realize in the last two months how different we really were and how selfless I have been not realizing how much of myself I had sacrificed - who I was even. I've also accepted that even if things don't work out with my dream girl, this is a step I need to take because in the end I'm not happy where I am now.

So yeah, signs do exist, fate does exist. Follow your heart. And to quote one of my all time favorite movies (Everafter with Drew Barrymore) Da Vinci tells the prince "You can't leave everything to fate boy, sometimes she needs a little nudge."

-BSD