I feel the same pain in my own life but luckily my x in laws are in another country but thinking of him and dreams are the same. I think of all the bad things he did in the 15 years we were together and how he not once in the 3 years on his own has called our son that we both adopted at birth. He know has a girlfriend and a son that the doctors told us was not possible. I feel cheated in some ways but then that was how I felt when we were married. When we were married it was really really good or really really bad. He cheated a lot and I played miss betty crocker at home with blinders. I recently got remarried to a very good man who I love and care for but I am not in love with him, this time i want to inter with my head not my heart weather that works or not god only knows but when I think of my xs I just tell myself it is part of grieving for the life I left behind. I give myself the What are you thinking speach and then move on. I take my son to see my x in laws and we do the phone relationship because I call but I have distanced myself because I need to leave room for my replacement. My x mother in law says i will always be her daughter in law and she loves me, as do I her but if I do not give space I loose my self to the old life that no longer exist. I have accepted that I will always love him and care for him but if I can turn that love into one of a loved one not a husband then I can move on. It is not easy it is just life, with a lot of prayer and effort there is a light at the end of the tunnel. The love and confusion you have to rationalize and place it in its place in your life and except it for face value not what we wish into it. I hope you all the best and it really does help to pack it all away and replace those photos with new memories of you and your kids. There is always a good man looking for a good woman or vice versa the problem is letting yourself out there to try. Use the love you feel for your x as a bookmark to what you want to feel with someonelse in a new chapter of you life without all of the bad chapters you have live with him in 20 years. It is hard to change but sometimes it can be worth it all when you have someone that respects you, loves you and shows it everyday ( begin with yourself because you have to love you for you first) the rest will come. Wish you all the love and peace that your heart can hold.