I am an intelligent woman. Why do I constantly seem to tolerate toxicity within relationships?
I was married for 10 years to a control freak. We have 2 beautiful children so I don't regret the union, but I regret that I allowed myself to tolerate the situation so long. In the end I left, bought a house, got myself together a little.
I met a man who seemed intriguing and we were physically and intellectually compatible. It became apparent that he was emotionally reserved after initially saying all of the right things. It transpired he had been involved with another woman when we initially met. That ended. We moved forward but he continued to contact her and withdrew from me. I am a Virgo, he is a Leo. I, typically, analysed everything to death and tried my hardest to recapture what we had, and potentially 'fix' him - he has gambling and debt problems. Then he dropped the bombshell that his problem all along was that I have children and he struggles to cope with the concept of potentially trying to raise them. Children he has only twice met fleetingly!
We are totally toxic together. I punish him for the past. We fight. Sometimes we have short periods of calm, but ultimately nobody gains from our union.
Why do we do this? How do I stop doing this?
One of the main objectives in ending my marriage was to prevent my children from learning that these kind of relationships are OK.
Any views on what I can do to ensure that history does not repeat itself to infinity would be much appreciated. I love him, but I can't go on like this.