Posts made by Asryela

I am thankful for my family and friends and the love that we have for each other and the support we give endlessly to each other without thought or question. I am thankful for my freedom and for the blossoming love of a man whom I never thought it possible that I would find love wtih or be loved by; yet the more we learn (we've been friends for almost a year) about each other the more we discover how perfect and right for each other we are. I have a roof over my head, my bills are paid even if money is tight, my basic necessities are met and the most important needs those of the heart and spirit are being met as well. What is there to not be thankful for.

Other people around me say he is afraid as well partly because he's not sure he knows what love is. My sister says you can tell in the pics of him and I that he loves me and everyone else has said the same thing. I mentioned to him a couple of days ago when we talked that it was starting to become obvious that he wasn't coming back here and he got very upset with me, but still continues the same way of being. I have decided that I love him and myself enough to let him go no matter how much it may hurt me; but in the end I think it is the kindest thing that I can do and hope that if it is meant to be then it will. It doesn't stop me loving him just the hoping and wanting of something he appears to not be able to give of himself right now. Maybe by doing this he will realize that he doesn't want to lose me and maybe he won't. I've spent a long time learning to love myself and realize one thing from all of the responses, I'm not showing myself love if I allow myself to remain in this inner turmoi. Time will tell if it was right or wrong, but I know this I will never regret the time I had with him or the things we shared.

KC is the man...I sure would like to find him. I've been looking for him and the candy everywhere. I found the candy the other day but yesterday and today....nada. Doin' my part to free KC.!!!!

I guess I should clarify a little bit, he left in April but we were roommates prior to him leaving. We moved into the same house in October and then in February he moved into my bedroom with me. Things became extremely intimate after that and even though he never said we were dating or committed to each other everyone else thought we were a couple. He told me that he has never shared a bed overnight with another woman until me. In his sleep he would reach out and wrap his arms around me and if I would try to get up he would lock his arm down like he was afraid of me leaving. He would finally loosen his grip when I could get him to understand that I would be back and when I would come back to bed he would reach for me and pull me to him. While he was gone our conversations became more frequent, longer and personal. There have been hints that maybe he was considering something more than friendship, comments here and there. He has a past history of bad relationships and equated the word committment to mean cheating and lyng. He told me that he would leave it up to me as to how and what I wanted to do with my life while he was gone and that we would see when he got back if he liked my decisions or not. Amongst other things. Until he returned to CA he was very open and sharing in our conversations, calling me almost daily and since returning to "civilization" as he calls it has only called me twice both very brief calls and he was not the same on the phone with me in his tone, words, or comments as he was before. I don't know if he was just passing time with me out of boredom or if all of the hints and innuendos were really meant to mean that we would explore a future together or at least the possibility of something more concrete or if I should just conisder this time and those calls a sort of game a release from the boredom so to speak. I will keep him as a friend, I just wish I knew what was really going on in his mind and heart. I have asked him, but that is not something he is accustomed to sharing with anyone let alone someone he has any kind of a relationship with. So many things he did with me he told me were out-of-the-ordinary for him and were firsts but does that really mean anything at all. He has told me that he won't tell me what I mean to him that he won't give me that "power" over him and yet I don't know if I should stay or go when it comes to more. I love this man and don't want to walk away if there's a chance that he could be considering more, but I am also tired of crying "silent tears."

I have been involved with this guy since May 2007, yet we have never called ourself anything more than "feel-good-friends." He left in April to go work in another state and since then has called me regularly (every day or almost every day) and has talked about returning here and staying with me for a couple of weeks and we would "talk and see where it goes." I've known that he would have to go to CA for a short time after leaving where he was at to resolve a situation he wants out of his life and to visit with family, but since returning almost two weeks ago he has only called me once for an extremely brief conversation and during that time sounded closed off, not the openness that I had gotten used to. I'm beginning to wonder if all of the things he told me before were a lie and if I'm a fool for believing in the possibility of him and I. How can I tell if he was just playing a game from loneliness or if he was sincere. Everyone that knows us says we acted and looked like a couple even though we weren't and that he is in love with me but scared. I don't know what to believe or what to do and I don't trust my own instincts on this since they have been wrong in the past.