keldjoran, please, read my story on Cancer man...I thought I was the lucky one. I would greatly appreciate if you give me a summary "as you see it" of this cancer man's behavior. Is it possible I scared him off in some way? I even feel he moved out just to end it with me. I will be waiting...Thanks a lot!
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RE: Why can't my 'Cancer' leave me alone !!!
RE: Cancer man...I thought I was the lucky one
llindieloo dear, I wish I could ease your pain. I know you're feeling it much more intense than I do. When people say love is love and attachment is attachment, my opinion is different there is no love without attachment. How could you get closer to someone if you're not attached to the person? In your situation you already developed stable feelings and attachment. For me it wasn't enough to develop those, but I could say those 3 words to him and truly mean them. Yes, I love him and I see him as my best match, but I"m not ready for the sacrifice of my life yet. Why? Because of this paradox: I can love unconditionally, but can sacrify only what the person is willing to sacrify for me. Like some sort of compromise at the spiritual level. Now, I'm thinking that should be amazing to think like you do...when you do help or sacrify yourself for someone you get back 3 fold. You gave me a great advise, and it all makes perfect sense!
Here is the update:
He did send me his morning message, this time more fancy " Good morning sweetie! I hope your day will bring you many smiles! " Then in couple hours, not receiving my reply I got another one again related to this crazy "smiles " topic, something like If I get enough smiles maybe I could share one with him. Isn't this weird? Why would it be the day when I should get so many smiles? I didn't message him, not that I got none smiles but I feel I should stick to not answering him. See how confusing he is. Yesterday, I thought he was explaining all that out of respect to me. We ended the conversation that I can't be friends only at the moment with him and maybe I'll contact him later when I 'm ready. Why would he still message me? Where is the respect? Doesn't he understand he hurts me? I was also thinking if he wanted to dump me, he should be stopping messaging me and maybe wait if I contact him and be glad that he got rid of me so easy, but nah, I don't see it this way now. Also, my question is why would he want to have so many friends and no lovers. I believe he has more friends than I do. Why would he stick to me? Anyway, I think I'm going off the topic...will post updates soon.
if I can help you with something , please ask !
Take care and good luck to you too!
RE: Cancer man...I thought I was the lucky one
**astrodame, I understand what you're saying. Seems that's impossible to be happy with a cancer after reading each story here. When you read all of those posts, even if you do well, you're kinda predicting this known cancer behavior, and damn it, sooner or later it happens. They say cancer men are unpredictable, I say cancer men are very predictable when it comes to showing their true character. What I can tell is that I'm happy with him as "all 3 in one". But in this case if he wants to withdraw from the "lover" section the happiness is not gonna be there anymore. The same could've happened if he decided to stop being friends or even stopped sharing his work interests with me. I don't know, but maybe it's the Aquarius in me that saw the potential true happiness that my lover was also my best friend. With the two other men I"ve been we weren't even friends. They were just a "marriage material" and yes that was the way i wanted them to be. I wasn't expecting them sharing things with me like friends do. Well, but when I felt this type of connection with this cancer man, I would expect no less or different from my future relationships. But this is before the issue we're having now. Things changed and emotionally it does allow me to still be involved with him, but to a certain degree. When the time of my emotional patience is over I get this pain of losing and unsatisfaction. The good thing about me is that I can easily move on if I set my mind to do it. I would suffer enormously for some short time that would be just enough to understand that it's silly to want to give so much of yourself to someone that doesn't need it at the moment. He needs it the way he wants, then why do I have to change my needs? I'm not a chameleon. Or is that what we should be sometimes to make it work?
RE: Hanswolfgang could you please give me a reading?
Hi Hanswolfgang, again thanks so much for your reply!
You gave an interesting turn to my thinking. Of course I understand that I"m the loser, but just trying to decide if there is another way to spare me from being it in the long run. So, what would be your advise? Do I have to just sit there and wait and at the same time let him decide when he would want to take things to a higher level?
RE: Hanswolfgang could you please give me a reading?
Hans-Wolfgang, Please if you could read my situation on
Cancer man...I thought I was the lucky one, and reply what this type of relationship is likely to be in the future? if you at all could see it working? Thank you!!!
RE: Cancer man...I thought I was the lucky one
llindieloo, can't thank you enough for taking your time to write so much for me!!! You're my first friend here!!!
I did read your posts long before signing up here, but I did never comment as I thought I'm new to a "cancer relationship", so not much advise with their "crazy subtleties".
I feel sorry for you going through this...I can imagine what it takes to be ignored the way your man is doing. I wonder how you still love him, I would've gotten cold by now. But again I don't know, I might be wrong as I never had men ignoring me for weeks. From, what I 'm reading here, I can relate it to their "disappearing acts" which is common between cancers. So, here it might be good news for you as they usually do this to those they feel close to. If you're strong and willing enough to wait for him, what you have with your man is not over and he will contact you again some time in the future.
In my situation, it really depends what I want it to continue like. I can say though I have less perspective of ever making it work as a relationship. Why? Because he seems pretty honest with me what he wants. I could never insult or call him names, even though his behavior is asking for some "names" out of me so to speak. This is just not my attitude to things, I do act like an Aqua, so when not face to face I can control my emotions and won't let them out if it's not going to bring something productive just for the sake of insulting if you know what I mean.
Well, now the problem is,I do have trusting issues so the question here is he really being honest with me about what he wants or he's just playing mind games or testing me in some way.
You ask if I want him as a friend better than not have him in my life at all. Well, here is the key, I'm not enough long into him and I feel this is just the time when I can leave him and not get as devastated as I would be if I continue for longer. Of course I would prefer to have such a friend in my life than not have him at all, but I'm not sure I'd want to stay as his friend only or i might get more attached in the other way to him. Do you think my sacrifice would be worth enduring what you have now?
To answer your question I can't just forget him as he's like a great phenomena in my life out of the blue, but I'm strong enough to move on. I feel I don't have to answer to him contacting me anymore just to have him moving on and forgetting me too. But, I don't know if this is how it works with cancers, or I might just offend him with no talking anymore.
At this late time, I'm still figuring what I have to do tomorrow when he will contact me again. And I'm sure he will, even though I didn't reply to his goodnight message.
Thanks for caring for my situation!!! I'll be sure reading you posts again and will respond with any advise I feel appropriate. And I'm looking forward to reading your encouraging messages. It really does help reading all people say on here, than working it alone in my head.
Cancer man...I thought I was the lucky one
Duh, finally coming here for advice with this cancer man that I've met around 4 months ago. Saying finally cause since the time I met him I've been reading on here the confusing cancer topic, just out of curiosity. Until now I didn't think he was so confusing, but oh, well, it just started. To add more, it's my first time asking for this kind of help online and I'm not 18 but already in my middle thirties.
Back to the point, he is my first cancer sign in my life. I've had an Aries and an Aquarius, but the only man I sincerely loved was only the Aries, and that was 2 years ago. Yes, I first felt true love in my thirties. Compatibility related, even after going through this now, I can tell the cancer man I have in my life now is my true match, even though as an Aquarius I'm supposed to get along more with the other two, the Aries and the Aquarius. I believe it's because of my Venus in Pisces and his is in Cancer. So, here is the story: we met at his place, had an instant connection, I could tell he was even more attracted to me than I was to him. I never felt such a caring attitude in my whole life, he was so sweet and at the same time smart and entertaining. After couple hours of intense conversation we ended up in bed and that was his initiative as it's not how things work with me. I'm more of a brainiac that lives things in her head first before rushing into something intimate. But we did it. So, since that night, I was talking to him all the time. He was mainly the initiator, he would text and I would reply. Since then we've been texting each other several times a day every day, and spending every night on messenger. Well, now don't get me wrong, it was not the sweet talk all the time. Here is the best part: we have common job interests, and that's why we're spending so much time online. We would stay and communicate up until late at night, would kiss each other goodnight and this happens every night. In the morning I get the morning message and sometimes he texts me during the day to ask me where I am or what I"m doing. I know an Aqua would think of this as a sign of clinginess. I am happy with that. This is my first time to get such attention from a man and I realized that I like that. I also could understand about myself what kind of person I am when in love. I 'm probably the ultimate freedom loving woman but only when not relationship related or when not romantically involved. When in love I can become clingy and needy, BUT I might not show it all the time because I feel I might scare them off. So, this is my big contradiction, trying to behave like an Aquarius when I don' t feel like an Aquarius when in love.
Back to the topic, what I feel we have is amazing! I feel like he's my best friend, my best lover and my best coworker All in one! He was not showy about what he felt if something for me. I'm not that showy either, but I know he understood that I have developed feelings for him. He did too ,but he said he didn't want to show it because his relocation was up in the air. So, the things took a different turn when he decided to move out 100 miles away. He said, that was his plan even before meeting me but he was not sure he would have to move so that's why he didn't tell me before. So, here's the situation, he told me he's moving but didn't break up with me, still didn't clarify what we are supposed to be. Then texted me to ask why I was sad that day and I said I was upset because I was not going to see him anymore. He was kinda surprised by my answer and said he could still come and visit me, and that he wants me to "remain his good friend". I freaked out first saying I couldn't do that while I still feel something for him, but the day after I realized it's better to have him as friend than not have him at all in my life. Although, I decided that mostly because of him not stopping messaging me and saying he's used to talk to me every day. Here is where the mixed signals started. He's never clarified how things would be between us up until tonight. He has already moved for couple days. Yesterday, I say him last time, of course no sex, we spent the time just like friends. We talked on messenger earlier and the discussion about us came up. I said it's hard to behave just as friends only when you don't feel it this way. He asked " could we still be more than friends?" I was hesitating with my answer cause I didn't know if this is what he wanted or he just wanted to know my opinion. But after I told him I could do the long distance relationship to only realize he just wanted to know what I thought about that. Also, said he didn't want to waste my time, and that he's not the guy for me (he's having some immigration problems). Anyway, I signed out from the messenger and he continued to text me on my phone. I said "move on with your life and don't waste my time anymore". He started explaining that he didn't want to hurt my feelings and that he could still have sex with me and lie (about what I don't know/ he didn't explain it to me when I asked). He said he respects me and that's the least thing he wanted was to hurt my feelings. I said he doesn't have to explain that to me if he's doing it from feeling guilty, but he said he's not feeling guilty and he did nothing wrong and he respects me that's why he wants to explain things. He said his last relationship ended because of the distance and he's afraid of losing somebody under same circumstances. Anyway, he say he doesn't want to give up on me and if I want to remain his friend. I said "you'll be still wasting my time and I don't want anymore". He sent a sad smile message and stopped. After that I thought he wouldn't message me anymore as I made clear I can't be friends now while I"m still in love with him. But, I guess I was wrong, after couple hours he messaged me "Goodnight, sweetie!" and I didn't reply.
Oh, sorry this post is so long, but I felt I'd rather explain things so I can get the quickest advise possible. The matter is I don't feel so much attached to him. Yes, I do see in him my very good match, yes, he could be the best friend I never had in my life, but I can't go through this roller coaster. Not that I suffered long enough, my patience is much better than what I could put up with until now. But, I don't want to get more attached to him because I know if things started that way, I can't remain just a friend to him and along the way even pretending I"m just his friend I might develop stronger feelings. And I don't know what his intentions are, whether he's wanting more out of this in the future or this is his last decision.
Please, please, please , somebody give me the best advise possible. My next action would depend on what advise I would get, although I'm more inclined that I should just abandon this and maybe get back to him when the things cool off. Please tell me if this is the right thing to do now and what would be a cancer reaction if I don't contact him for a long period of time. I care for him as a person too much, so I'm just torn apart. I don't want to lose him as a friend, but I'm also afraid of suffering. So, not sure what is best for me to do now.
Please somebody help to figure this out!
Thanks for reading!