Dear Annatar, My only advise to you is that each and every day we wake up and decide if we will spend the day in a negative or positive way, The past is the past. We all need to live for the now and let go of the bad energy of the past. Learn to love yourself and to nuture your inner child. I have been reading a excellent book called "The Way is Within" by Ron Rathbun. There are so many simple truths in this book and it starts with him asking " Is this all there is?" I think this would be very helpful to you in you time of sadness. May God Bless you and keep you safe until you are ready to do this for yourself!!!! I don't know you but I do Love you...Much love, Nancy