Stick it out if you can, until you understand eachother a bit better. Cancers don't think with their heads very well...its all about intuitive response and what seems right at the time. There is a real virgo-cancer gap there that you both need to understand to find some middle ground. She'll be looking for emotional reassurance and support, and you want clear thinking and rational responses. Cancer doesn't do rational terribly well but they do do moody. Don't take it too seriously..it isn't about drama or confusion and its no more fun for cancer than for you! It is just feeling things strongly and having little ability to control responses rationally, and sadly, virgo will probably understand this least of all, being very able to keep control of emotional reactions. She'll work through it on her own, but dont' leave her to it, try to communicate. You both need to keep really clear communication going - talk her through her reaction when she's calmed down (no point when she's simmering) and explain your position again. Be patient. There is real hope, I love my virgo to bits, but get awfully frustrated with his inability to just let go and take risks. Equally, I admire it, and am trying to get a grip on not being ruled by my heart but letting my head have something to say. Virgo-cancer is a lovely, loving couple. Don't criticize her, don't embarrass her, don't humiliate her... and she'll have little need to crawl in her shell. Good luck

Messanger..thankyou, you are absolutely right. And you are right about Jen too....if he owes her nothing else, he owes her open communication and full consideration. I guess if there is any doubt over your self-respect, then there is a problem. Thankyou for being non-judgemental.

OH, and another thing I thought of reading your post... while I say I'm in love with Mr Virgo, and that's certainly how it feels, I also understand much of that is burning desire, and I love what I know about him. We haven't had much in the way of intimate discussion and I have to believe that I can take the things he says at face value. I also believe the more I know the more I'll love. When you know someone intimately, you know how they'll react, and what their triggers are, and how far you can push them in certain directions. I know often when my husband blows I think 'damn, why did I do that..' as I could have prevented it. And he knows how to console me, and what I need to hear if I'm in a downer, or when to just give me space. This isn't about loving someone more, but about knowing them..time together. Maybe you just pushed your guy's buttons too far?? He may not have anger isses at all, but it sounds like you came in hard, perhaps in exactly the wrong direction, with exactly the wrong amount of force at exactly the wrong time....???????????

Wow, Jen. What a horrible,uncomfortable situation. What are you asking him to do? Do you want him to leave his wife earlier to be with you? Or just to clarify what he wants from you? It sounds as though he thinks he is very clear with what he needs/wants/plans, and he can't understand why you persist in challenging him. He thinks he has laid it out for you - and don't forget his primary motive in staying in his situation is for his children - he honestly seems to think this is the best situation for him (although personally I would doubt that if his relationship with his wife is how he describes...but that is for him to decide) but he can't handle you pushing him because he thinks the two of you have a kind of status quo that works for him (Do virgos have a problem with empathy??).

I suspect you will push him away if you try hard enough. And ultimatums really don't sound like a good idea - he sounds like he is not open to considering any other choices right now. And he thinks you're on board with that. I don't envy your situation at all. Don't forget he thinks he's right and probably genuinely can't understand why you are trying to change things, why you don't trust him, why you want more when he has been clear about what he can give. Oh, the torture. I really really feel for you. Maybe you should only ask what you know he can give: to phone once a day and tell you he is thinking of you/love you/misses you...? On the other hand...that just keeps you in your box and 4 years of that could kill someone.

Seeing my guy with his wife..I die inside. It really is awful. I don't do it to him..it would feel like ourtright cruelty. But don't forget these are family events..perhaps he is just trying to behave 'normally' in front of everyone, or to reassure his wife, in case she ever had an inkling of something between us, or even my husband. I really dont' know..it seems wrong to ask, as she is his wife after all, and the bottom line is he chose her.. sob! Or at least the situation she represents. I don't want any more from him as things stand as even the odd look, or smile, or touching fingers (I KNOW....wrong wrong wrong..) keeps me locked up and wanting wanting wanting him. I'm starting to see the 'controlling' thing people have spoken of..... there is no doubt virgo lays down the ground rules. Can you accept that??

Thanks dttn. You're right, they really are strange...! The jekyll and hyde thing is something I'd really like to understand...I know all about moody - but why two weeks without contact?? To me, that would be about trying to emotionally punish you, but it seems for virgo its something quite different. I don't know what though. Maybe he is trying to punish you for being party to his moral downfall..who knows? There was a (VERY disconcerting!) post some time ago from a virgo male who described emotional manipulation, ego-tripping and game-playing. I very much hope that isn't it...it seems like a level of cruelty I just can't imagine..but any other explanation is difficult to come by xx. I often deal with my virgo being very physically affectionate to his wife right in front of me...obvioulsy he has every right to do this, and I'm glad (kind of :)) that he is showing her loyalty..but I can't help thinking 'why???'...what are his motives for that?? haven't had the 'L' word to deal with but my virgo has said things that I still can't get my head around either... it makes my head spin...did he mean that? Was it just a flippant comment at the time?? Or is he just reeling me in??? Or in fact am I completely over-analysing the whole thing and is he just a nice man caught up in a complicated situation from which it is hard to untangle, despite knowing that's the only thing to do??!

My relationship with my (scorpio) husband is pretty good..despite all this, and TG. If it wasn't so good, I don't know where I'd be. We understand each other pretty well, it can be a bit more volatile than I would like at times (I think its virgo's calmness partly that attracts me), he still makes me laugh. I do understand that there can be no comparison..how can a 15 year relationship compare with that unremitting desire..?? And in a sense our marriage has proved its worth by lasting this long, and we are close friends. I try to see the value in that companionship rather than looking for the firey desire we had early in our relationship.

Don't ask me how can I can treat someone I love like this..I've asked myself over and over and the only answer I can come up with is that we must be somehow biologically programmed to respond to a connection like the one I have with virgo. Fighting it feels more wrong than succumbing...and for some reason I'm more inclined to listen to my heart than my head!!

Thanks Jen. I can't tell you how weird it feels to write about this as though I'm talking about gardening or work. Just to be able to say 'I love this man' feels incredible..it has felt like my dirty little secret for so long.

When we are together it never feels wrong, and I've felt more guilty about not feeling guilty than about what has happened between us! I guess sometimes the heart feels what the heart feels, and we are hard-wired to respond to those feelings - will-power is ill-equipped to fight them, which is part of the reason I've enjoyed your story...will she or won't she? I don't think you really have any choice - unless something happens, you'll hang in there.

I'd be floating on air if I thought there was a chance my virgo man could be mine in 4 years!!!!!

Hello all,

I've just registered as this thread has really pulled me in, and I would love it if you could continue your sagas! I don't really need advice as such, as my situation is (sadly!) no-go, but it chimes with yours, in that I'm a cancer, completely consumed with love for a virgo who can never be mine.

Without going into too much detail, he is related to me (not by blood), we are both pretty happily married, and have been having an 'emotional' affair for the past 3 years. There has been a spark for much longer..maybe ten years. We have kissed. So I guess not just emotional :). I think maybe 8 INCREDIBLE kisses in 3 years. But we are both on the same page ...not prepared to overthrow two families (both have kids) and all the aftermath for our own needs.

The situations you've described are so familiar in lots of ways...the interactions between us which are in turn loving, gentle and meltingly sensual, and then at other times, confusingly, cold as ice. We see a lot of eachother (rarely alone though) but never set up chances to be alone together - I think we both know that would be asking for trouble. Each time we've kissed has been a chance encounter, although there have been other times where we've found ourselves alone and done nothing. I'll admit I'm always up for it - he always calls the shots when it comes to physical contact!

As we aren't at liberty to discuss how we feel about eachother, I do find him confusing, and yet at the same time I sense strongly that when we connect, he is sincere and I feel the same peace in my heart that Jen has described - a sense of finally being where I'm meant to be, of having found what life has intended for me. Its heartbreaking, and yet there is nothing to be done. As he put it..' we just have to go on'.

Your stories have helped me in understanding virgo's heart. I'd like to believe he is sincere, that it isn't just a lovely little ego trip built purely on desire, but that the connection is real and pure but sadly in the wrong time and place. He has said little to make me believe otherwise so maybe I'm being naive but I've always felt complete trust for him and don't believe he is a natural 'strayer'....though all the straying virgos in the posts have got me wondering....! In a sense, none of it matters for me..I will just have to go on.

Thankyou all for sharing... its wonderful to read supportive, intelligent posts about situations that could end in moral slanging matches. Ally