I feel for you! I have a 'ghost' stalker as well in my life - a former fiancee, who caved in under pressure from his family and married another girl instead of me. Through the years we have communicated by e-mail, text, etc., but he's also been checking up on me ( he calls it 'checking in'), and then pulling disappearing acts that last anywhere from a few weeks to several months. Now, after many years abroad, he's coming back to the US, with wife and kids. He claims he wants to see me, but when he was here recently for 3 weeks I didn't see him ONCE, though he kept making dates then breaking them or standing me up.
You would think it would be easy to let this creep go, however, like you, he was my best friend for a long time, and I still have very deep feelings for him. I am really hurt that he used one excuse after another to break our dates when he was last here. I've thought of giving him the shove, and just dumping the whole thing, but then I still will never know what really is going on with him or why he is coming home after all these years away. I feel haunted too, because I cannot have a confrontational meeting with him to clear all this up, and/or say goodbye. He probably will never see me, for fear that I will tell him that I don't want to do this any more.
That seems to be the nature of the 'stalker'-ghost syndrome, I think - they have to have the last word, their secret agenda and life that you can only guess at. I'm trying now to break free, whether I ever see him to speak my mind or not. I recommend you do the same. Run, don't walk, for the nearest exit. If you ignore him for long enough perhaps he'll give up. Perhaps he never will, nor mine either, because that's how they thrive. But you can have a good life without him, if you refuse to let him haunt you any longer. Remember, men like that have to live in a world that they control, that is the way they exist, and it is a dangerous fantasy to be involved in. Good luck.