I truly thank you for your reply but I respectfully disagree with me resenting my grandfather. I resent the doctor who treated him, I resent my mother and my family for not giving me a proper amount of time to grieve. I resent God for taking him from me. There is a lot of resentment but none of it was to him. He was the closest thing I have ever had to true unconditional love, if I resent him in some way it is lost to me and I don't know if I will ever be able to fix that. Because even today when I look back on my time with him I feel nothing but love.
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RE: My Grandfather
My Grandfather was my father figure. I loved him and he loved me. When I was 12 years old he died of complications with his chemotherapy. The last thing he said to me was that he would play basketball with me after he got back from his trip to the Cleveland clinic. That still haunts me to this day. My mother took me in to say goodbye to him as he laid in a coma, I grabbed his hand and remember knowing he would respond to me. I begged and pleaded for him to tell me he loved me one last time, to say goodbye to me just to squeeze my hand. To move his eyes behind his eyelids. Anything, it never happened. It still haunts me to this day, i have long forgotten his manurisms and the sound of his laugh, the sternesd in his voice when I would do something unacceptable. I feel as a 31 year old man that I am still waiting on him to get home to play basketball with me. To add to my sadness (I have always been very sensitive to the paranormal as has my entire family) my mother, grandmother, and uncle have all been visited by him in their dreams (years ago). I waited for my turn but it never came. I need to know if he heard me that day, I need to know that he has watched over me, Has he seen his granddaughters, Is he proud of me? I need his guidance, I have always felt lost without him. I heard there would be people here to help, Please someone help me.