Cancer FWB...?

  • I'm putting on a brave face:

    It started last year, but he became really selfish in the relationship, however, I put up with it, giving him the benefit of the doubt. Fastforward to today, and I got a call a few weeks ago with him drunk, basically telling me that his 'moods fluctuate' around me, etc. So, I sent him an email telling him what I thought about his conversation with me, that my gut feeling all along was that he wasn't attracted to me, and that I wasn't having any fun in relationship (sexually--I was NOT benefitting at ALL--it was always about HIM). No response. I texted to follow up, he said he was "speechless". Followed up again the following week to ask what's going on-he was ignoring me, but would "greet" me in person, which I thought was weird.

    FINALLY, he sends me an email stating that:

    "You haven't done anything wrong. I just feel like things has run its course and that I felt like this for a while. I shouldve said something to you, but I thought something like this would be best left alone."

    He was going to ignore me until HE thought the 'problem' was gone. To add insult to injury, he also 'claims' that my 'constant' attitude was more for him to deal with (I disagree with him), plus, he talked about me on his Facebook.

    I wasn't expecting how he handled it. Considering we're co-workers, I will be polite(when/if I see him), but honestly, I just want to hide from him forever.....=((

  • I don’t think he was playing games, but unfortunately he also didn’t handle things very well. I’ve listened to stories from friends about their exes and they could make you so miserable in order to provoke an incident(s) because it then gave them an excuse to leave; that’s if you haven’t left already. It’s passive-aggressive behaviour. They can be selfish when they don’t feel appreciated, but they can also be aggressively selfish when they are unhappy in a relationship. Now, I’m not saying all Cancers are like this, but I have seen some do things like this in certain situations. Your title says that you were fwb? Is it possible that this arrangement no longer suited him, or you? You’ve said your piece and he has said his. I doubt he has any more to say. You have to admit that you probably haven’t been happy in this relationship for quite awhile now and you have to ask yourself do you really think there is anything to salvage. It’s mentally and emotionally destructive to your being.

  • Thank You, AquaBubbles.

    Truth be told, I was upset, because I think now he views me as nothing--and I mean, NOTHING. Not even as a platonic friend. Why deal with a person you didn't find attractive all this time, then toss them like garbage, when all they have done is nothing to you? Listened to you, etc? If it was a "challenge" thing--I didn't think it was necessary, considering the interaction (FWB).

    I DO miss him (he was cool), but I wished the interaction was better (for me!)

    Oh goes on. 🙂

  • Oh, I don’t think you mean nothing to him. He sounds messed up and angry, but not because of you and not at you. Do you know if he has been deeply hurt in the past? If he has then he would act like a wounded animal flaying around all the while trying to pull the offending object from his wound. Any of the good emotions get buried and he could become quite cold. That’s where the selfishness comes in; it’s a protective wall which doesn’t allow anyone to get too close. It’s a refusal to give and share because he thinks he’ll get hurt if he does. This is just my observation of course. He could just be a jerk, but I usually find there’s always a reason behind anyone's actions or reactions. It doesn’t excuse them, but it helps you understand and remember that the person he chooses to be and how he handles situations is not a reflection on who you are or your attractiveness or how you choose to live your life.

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