What the hell does this Cancer guy want from me ?
everything was good we had a wonderful evening after a rough patch and the next day he does not call huh? so i immediatly took it personal this is how it went we hung out on tuesday i left on wednesday morning at 6 to get ready for work and the whole day he did not call so on thursday afternoon i text him saying that he was ignorant for not calling me and i couldnt take this anymore and i will find someone who reallly wants me because he obviously didnt (this was because i was mad that he didnt call on wed ) so he text me back whats the problem evertything was going good now here you go whats the problem now ? i never texted him back because i felt that i clearly stated the problem so he text me back later that night asking whats up i told him just got back from shoppping then he text me back what was all that crap you were talking bout earlier ? i never texted him back tho until friday night i said whats up he didnt respond then i said itagain and he still didnt respond then i said its cool this is your last chance and he still didnt respond so to me that means he does not care at all please hel p he is a cancer with a aries moon and venus in gemini and i am a gemini with a virgo moon and venus in taurus .........
ps my mars is in cancer and his in pisces
Ouch. You might not like my advice/interpretation, but here goes.
When two people are at the getting-to-know-you phase of dating (and mind you this can take a very long time realistically) they are BOTH vulnerable. There are a lot of emotions flying around, and it's impossible to be on the same page as the other person at all times. It's also unrealistic to have those expectations - especially when they don't know you THAT well yet. And even when you think you are beginning to understand one another there will still be surprising (sometimes unsettling) moments when you realize you don't yet. There is going to be some hurt, frustration, fears, vulnerability, all the ugly parts that will rear their heads...and there will also be some amazing sharing moments that will have you on top of the world. Stop focusing on the vulnerable, ugly moments, and enjoy the amazing ones. Otherwise you'll miss out on the good parts of the beginning.
From what I gathered from your post: you had a great night with your guy. He didn't know he needed to call you the next day (or same day he last saw you, since you left in the morning) or you would question his feelings for you. He probably thought you guys had a great time, and was still relishing in those feelings, when you crashed into his happy little cancerian world and called him ignorant for not calling you. That's not ignorant of HIM. He didn't know your expectations, unless you left him specific directions on what to do the next day. Then you followed up your attack of his character with a threat of finding someone who really wants you. I'm surprised he responded after that, really. The fact that he did says he obviously likes/d you, and was hurt by your attack. I would be pissed if I were him. My first reaction would be: go for it (find someone else), and good luck. He was much kinder. He asked you to explain. He gave you a chance - which is something you did not do for him.
I would look at your actions (or reaction) again, after your emotions are back in tact. Re-read your post. It sounds like you're playing a text game of cat-and-mouse with him. If I were him I would be very confused, hurt and angry. And that's probably why he's not responding. He doesn't understand what you want from him, and I don't know if your recent texts properly explain it (although to you they might). Women and men communicate differently. It doesn't seem like you left him with any options...instead, you cornered him and yelled at him. And then you tried to pretend it didn't happen. And then, when he didn't respond how you wanted, you threatened him again.
I don't know how old you are but this reads like very insecure, juvenile behavior. My advice: apologize if you truly want to salvage ties with him, and more importantly, find your inner confidence.
Sorry if that comes across brutally honest, but I would rather be honest than tell you that how you over-reacted was "cool". You could have called him if it were that important to talk to him the next day. Just saying...
ok thanks for responding to my question so thouroghly i totally agree to a certain extent because yes i am young if you consider 23 young but he has been playing games and dissappearing from the start he even dissapeared one time when things were going good so it has left me uneasy like everytime he hangs the phone up its like omg will he ever call back or everytime i see him it feels as though it could be the last time no matter if it goes good or bad so i cant help but send those type of messages ust in case its the last time i would rather me get whatever is on my chest off if you know what i mean and also we are not exclusive he asked me one time and i rejected him because i felt as though he should have said it earlier and anyhoo he never asked again acts like he can barely even remember asking me in the first place when i asked him what he wanted from me he replied he just wanted to be a part in my life or be in my life one or both of the two not sure but huh i still dont know what that meant he said he didnt even want to be intimate anymore so i wont feel used but the last time i saw him that went out the window lol but seriously i think im in love with him even though he told me he has other friends like me and even though i feel super jealos over that i still want him but i wont be a doormat ......what do you suggest im curious to hear other peoples opinions im kinda scared to text him or call him because i think he is over me see we have not seen eye to eye lately and that might have been the last straw because thats how we made up or he made up with me by saying he just wanted to be apart of my life because he didnt think he or i was ready to be together but when you really like someone you dont want anyone else and he does so maybe he just wants me on a string hehe im rambling
When you rejected his suggestion to be exclusive you unknowingly set the stage up for what is happening right now.
You can't have it both ways. I feel you want an exclusive type of relationship and it will not happen, not with this guy. Alternatively you could tell him what you want from the relationship and see what he says and go from there. There seems to be no communication here,he can't read your mind, you need to tell him what you want and how you expect to be treated but also know this, your agreement to share him with other women wont get you the respect or attention you want him.
What do you consider "disappearing" (time wise - a few days, a few weeks, a few months)? I ask because that's a typical cancerian trait. They hole up by themselves because they absorb so much from being around others, and it's more a way to clear their heads and get back to themselves and re-charge. It's not just a cancer thing either; lots of people do this regardless of their sign. Cancers just need their space/time more, I've noticed.
It sounds like when you rejected his request to become exclusive he was hurt, and decided he needed to get out there (back into the world of dating/seeing other girls) so as to find someone whom he could potentially have a relationship with. And his telling you that he has "other friends" like you was his way of telling you that he no longer sees that potential with you. It may be retaliatory, or it could be his way of being honest with you so that you know he might be sleeping with other girls - i.e. reminding you that you two are not exclusive. Why did you tell him you didn't want to be exclusive if you have such strong feelings for him? I would question the source of those feelings. Did they get stronger when you realized he was going to move on and date other girls? Or did they get stronger over time, as you spent more time with each other? If it's the former then I would question the integrity of your feelings.
Age is a number, but how we learn from our experiences is what's truly important. There are moments I still feel 23 (I am 33 now) or 27, and there are moments that I feel my age. Mostly, what changes is my behavior in a situation, and how I handle it - immaturely or maturely (reactive vs. pro-active). It sounds to me like he doesn't think you're ready for a relationship yet, and so he is giving you an "out" by keeping you as a friend. Also, if he told you he doesn't want to have sexual relations with you so as to confuse your friendship, I would take heed. He is trying to offer you respect and not use you as a doormat, but if you keep on offering yourself sexually then he will soon lose that respect and treat you as you are behaving - and it won't be because of his actions, but yours.
@gypsy thanks i will try and tell him exactly what i want and feel if he ever gives me another chance because your right there is no communication but its his fault like he never gives me a decent phone conversation he barely calls me but you see a part of me feels he should just know how much i care i guess its my virgo moon idk but if he would have been more open with me or gave me my way like ie if he would have answered my text on friday and let me come over i would have took that as a sign that he really likes me he understands me and i would have poured my heart out to him on my time the problem is with him everything has to be on his time he will have it no other way
He said he was a lil upset but i texted him the very next day saying i want to be with you too and by then he wa over it sayimg he didnt feelm the same about me he didnt know ifhe could trust me and he didnt want to hurt or lead me on and that i was a good girl and he didnt want to mess anything up for me ? wtf i asked him practically begged him to be with me i apologized i did all i could i kept asking him how can you be over me that quick i still dont understand that anyway to answer your question the treason i rejected him was abot a week or so pryer to this we had a serious talk during that talk he kinda of opened up and told me that some key things like what he wanted in a girl and that he wouldnt mind mr being his girl and so called friends who at the beggining he told me meant nothing to him were actually long time friends who were (just like me) just like me i was crushed he told me that one of them wanted to be with him like me and he said thats what he meant when he said just like me and he also said he didnt want to be with her though because she is trying to force him into a relationship he expredded to me that he didnt go around chasing skirts because he knows that he can have any woman he wants his other friend already had a boyfriend so i guess it was just a sex thing he then said that i shouldnt be mad he is just being honest and that he wouldnt be mad if i had friends because he already knew were he stood with me and he knew that whenever he asked me to be with him i would say yes i asked him who he liked more he said me then i asked him was he happy he told me that too see if he would at least offer some kind words to console my hurt feelings ie imsorry if your hurt etcetc but all he said was yes and he actually sounded happy so i hung up on him and he didnt call me back for about a hour and i didnt answer and then he didnt call for a couple days i felt as though he left me bruised when he returned i asked why didnt he call he saide he had to let it burn huh like the usher song now i really felt like he didnt care for my feelings and at that point in time i kinda pushed my feelings aside going out more trying to get him offmy mind constantly telling myself i will not compete at the same time he was acting distant and then all a sudden he calls i come and he hits me with that i want to be with you crap i just couldnt believe him if that makes any sense
It makes sense, and it sounds like one helluva ride (and not the fun sort). What gypsydreams said is right. The stage was set when you first rejected him, however it doesn't sound like he's trustworthy or relationship-bound either - so I can understand why you rejected him also. Really, what it boils down to, is what do you want from him now? And if he can not give you what you want, are you willing to accept what he has to offer? He sounds like a "have your cake and eat it too" kinda guy who is playing the field, and enjoying the chaos he's creating with drama between female friends. But that's only based on what you've posted, and there are always two sides to a situation. I would focus on what YOU want, communicate to him, and listen to what he wants - and then decide your next step with him.