I feel like I could really mess things up right now.
Please, someone give me a reading. When I give one to myself, it seems too biased and I can't afford to buy one right now. I feel like I'm at a crossroads right now, and either of my choices could be really devastating for both mine and my daughter's future.
If you're willing, here is a little background:
I am twenty, birthday on 9/15/1990. I had my daughter when I was 18 on 7/11/2009.
Me and the father were die hard in love when we got pregnant, but I should have read the early signs of alcoholism and mental illness. Let's just say, the last few years being "exhausting" is an understatement. It's been the kind of relationship where I feel like I am mothering two kids. He has slowly progressed, but being the productive Virgo that I am, it hasn't nearly been enough. FINALLY he is getting onto his feet. He is in a residential center, similar to rehab, and pursuing education, paying off his debt, staying sober and building a career. It's everything I'd ever hoped for... but... I feel like its too late.
So much trust and respect that I had in him has been violated.. especially when he would drink behind my back. I don't see him the same, I guess. But my beliefs are that when you make the decision to have a child with someone, that is it. It would go against everything I believe in to break it off with him. So I'm hoping oh so much that I will learn to see him in that light again.... when we were so in love. We are capable of being very good partners, so I feel selfish if I chose to leave. I think of the classic family experience I would be depriving from my daughter.
But this relationship makes me feel like I'm thirty... It just isn't fair. To make matters worse, the boy I dated from elementary school all the way through high school has gotten back into my head. I can't stop thinking about him. EVER. He admitted recently he still loved me, but... well, I screwed it up getting pregnant with my current fiance. I just.... I hate regretting the relationship that I'm in. This seems to have come on so sudden. I was so sure I was head over heels in love... now I don't know.
Also, my fiance's birthday is 7/14/1986. While the other love interest is 10/31/1990.
I cannot answer your questions - but I can give you some advice. He is your fiance - not your husband. Leave. leave him now before he sucks your dry. You have already given him too much. I am hoping that you have some supportive measures to help you raise your daughter without him, so you can go to work or school. Family, church, etc. While he is in the residential center, you have a chance to get free. Alcoholics never change. They may be able to stop drinking but 95% of them will never stop lying or telling half truths. 95% may admit they screwed up whil ethey ar ein rehab. They may be good for 6 months, a year, even more. But the truth is that alcoholism is there to stay. Likely he has friends who drink that are not alcoholic and he will start to drink with them. I may sound overly pessimistic, but its just reaility.
You don't want to waste your life taking care of an aging 30 year old 12 yr old, do you?
I can't give you a reading either but can also offer some advise I have learnt the hard way.
You say you no longer trust or respect him. To me those are two very big factors in a relationship. If you no longer trust or respect him what exactly do you feel for him? Don't confuse love with support and wanting a better life for him. You owe it to your child to create a good life for her. She needs your support and energy. Rather let your daughter have good memories of her father than a mother who is distracted by trying to raise two children.
I am busy getting divorced after 16 years and three children. When trust and respect leave by the door, love flies out the window. It's that simple but has taken me a year to accept. Learn from my mistake. Fan.
Hello my dear, I am a fellow Virgo just like you. We have a tendency to want to fix things, people included. Let me tell you a quick story about what happened to me.
I met Joey while he was going through rehab for what he said was cocaine addiction. He was handsome, sweet and kind and at the time a real gentleman. Our relationship took off really fast and he moved in with me. We moved to North Carolina because I thought it would be good for him to get away from all the same places and people that he could turn to for drugs. Little did I know that his cousin who lived in NC had access to any drug he wanted.
It was 13 month of lies and I got very sick and we moved back to Florida. Things only got worse between us and I was fighting for my life and he was lying and smoking crack behind my back. His bosses knew and warned me. This went on for 8 years. Let me say this though, he ADORED me but that devil sitting on his shoulder telling him to smoke crack was stronger than his love even for himself. In 2005 I had a heart attack during an argument with him over his "lies". It was really bad and it was then that I decided it was him or me.
It was one of the hardest things I have ever had to do, only because I knew he had nowhere to go but the streets. And so he lived in his truck until he blew the motor up on it for not putting oil in the engine. He hit the streets and has been homeless ever since. I am very close to his mother and we both agree that I did the right thing. I was enabling him.
Please listen to those of us who have expressed our experiences, we may not read tarot but sometimes all you need is some SOUND advice. You have to be happy in order for your baby to be happy, that is a fact.
Be good to yourself and best wishes from me to you and your little one.
You all make it sound so easy. I just don't see how I can break it off. I've heard all of this before.
Whats left of the relationship is fun, affection, compassion. We are level-headed when it comes to making the crucial decisions. As a Cancer, he is a very supportive, attentive and loyal lover. This is why I am asking for a reading. I know the statistics of my situation. I always have. But all past readings have been able to see the positive qualities of the relationship. I am a smart girl, I would get out if I was more sure. But I am not. He shows great great potential to change. That is not the problem. The problem is the timing. I want to know if the damage on our relationship is repairable. Or will I always be longing for someone else?
If anyone is willing to give me a reading, please. I need it.
Just for the record, I said it was the hardest thing I ever had to do. I'm sure someone will give you a reading. Best of Luck.
Hi Daphodil (Hi all)
I'm with Notshy on all that.
I was in a violent relationship for 5yrs, the want for the fix no matter what form it comes in will always be greater and even if hes doing rehab you need to back away and let him learn on his own. Its said "what doesnt kill you makes you stronger" i took punching, kicking verbal abuse all because i tried to help it was his bag of crap and i was trying to carry it for him.
There was little of 'me' left it took until my ex set fire to my bed and tried to lock me in the bedroom thats when i broke, that was attempted murder.
He may not be this way with you but you need to think about your child too.
When you are not around to be his emotional crutch/mother/lover/friend etc then he will HAVE to make the choice if you continue to pamper his needs he will never learn and neither will you.
I actually think you just want someone to say it'll all work out, he'll wake up one morning and everything will be a bed of roses, thats not reality.
I'm sorry if it sounds harsh but its not a reading you need its a reality check.
My advice is leave, tough love is sometimes the only way.
Blessings to you and i hope the best for you no matter what you decide
The problem is not his addiction problem anymore. I really feel he is a changed man. But... as I said, I feel like its too late. I am overwhelmed with longing for someone else. And I'm very ashamed of that.
Idont think you need to feel shame about it, your longing could be a way of telling you you want a different life it could be a catalyst for change.
What do you want deep down?
Dafphodil and your fiancé: this is a difficult relationship for love. You are both working on issues of ego, which can be both good and bad. The questions raised in this relationship will be "Who am I and what is my place here?" It is not surprising that even while you two are striving alongside each other, you will also be unduly sensitized to whatever each person has been able to carve out of life - who has the more interesting or successful career, the higher salary, the better family and friends, the larger home, the most money or possessions, the greater peace of mind, etc. Your fiancé will stretch his seductive and manipulative talents to the limit if you play hard to get or are unresponsive to him. Even if you are both interested from the start, the onus will still fall on your partner to be convincing - you are likely to prove defiant, resenting both his demands and the relationship as a whole. It is important for him to keep his demands reasonable or you will be unable to cope. You don't obviously take the lead in this relationship, preferring to be the silent partner who may however quietly make many of the important decisions. In both a love affair and marriage, the relationship will prove divisive unless you two can promote unity and put your egos aside to work for the common good. Strong leadership is needed here for success and, if your fiancé cannot do it, then you must take the lead and make the hard decisions.
You and your old flame: this is good for marriage. The relationship demonstrates a kind of self-consciousness over how it fits into the group hierachy of which it is a part, so that its thrust is social in nature. An interesting molding dynamic is at work here - you and your friend have the ability to adapt yourselves in a serious way to each other and to your environment without compromising your essential individuality. You achieve this through a taste for quiet reflection and thoughtfulness that your relationship generates. You two will need to periodically withdraw in order to assess the situation in which you find yourselves. Having done so, you will re-emerge more flexible, fitting either into some new form or more comfortably into the old one.
Your friend can get on your nerves a lot with his obsessive examinations of you and the relationship but it's only due to his natural attentiveness. This combination is very stabilizing for you, Dafphodil, although your friend can become quite dependent on the relationship and must be careful not to let it assume too much importance for his well-being. Both of you will resent the matchup if it binds you too tightly and doesn't give you enough freedom. This can be a very social outgoing love affair or marriage which is good for two people who as individuals tend to bury themselves in secretive or hidden activities. You two will thrive on going out to parties, dinners, outdoor events, vacations etc. It is usually through your social contact with outsiders that you really get to know and appreciate each other. You must be careful to foster intimacy between you and to give it time to develop. Your tendency Dafphodil to dominate your friend must be closely watched for it can lead to resentment from him and even rejection. Promote equality in this relationship if you want it to work.
If you are asking "Can I do better or should I stick with the man I've got and try to improve our relationship?" the answer is "Yes you can do better."
I know I could "do better", but it is not what I believe in. Thank you for that. It showed both the positives and the negatives of both relationships, and I really appreciate that. I feel that every relationship will always have its pro's and con's. It's a matter of deciding what kind of person I want to be. I am still undecided.........
Dafphodil, don't be so hard on yourself. Sometimes relationships are not meant to "last" sometimes they are lessons to learn from. Don't feel like a bad person because the relationship has had it's day. You tried your best, now it is time to move on.
Here is your reading
1- The Devil How you see your relationship - You feel bound to this man,but all in all the bounds are removable if you wish them to be.
2- 9 of swords - your issue with this relationship .. too much thinking, you are torturing yourself.You know what you have to do yet you feel unable to do it for reasons known to you.
3- Death - Advice? Leave him, the relationship is dead, if you stay with him, you will be in an unhappy and unsatisfied relationship causing you anxiety, stress and even depression.Further more he will keep relapsing for the rest of his life unless he chooses to try harder, his illness will get worse because of his inability to leave his drinking.
4 - Future (if you take the advice)- Strength and Judgement .Out with the old in with the new. You will feel brand new. Full of inspiration and ready to take life on with a brand new attitude. You might believe you don't have the strength to start over but you do. Both you and your child will benefit from this greatly in future. You will have the family you want for your you and your child. He is out there waiting.
I got almost the exact same card in my own reading.
Advice: Emperor? Can someone please elaborate on this for me? I took it as I need to control myself, remember my boundaries. I took this as turning my attention back to maintaining my current relationship.
Doubt is all over my reading. That's why I'm seeking other opinions. Actually, now that I have the layout in front of me, this is how my reading went.
Present Position: Queen of Cups
Current Influence: The Lovers
Goal/Destiny: 8 of Cups
Distant Past: The Chariot
Recent Past: The Tower
Near Future: The Devil
Environmental Influences: Death
Inner Emotions: Page of Cups
Future Outcome: 10 of Cups
Advice: The Emperor
If anyone has any thoughts, in comparison to my story, guidance would be very much appreciated.
"Advice: Emperor? Can someone please elaborate on this for me?"
Means you need to take charge of the situation. Things will only change when you change your way of thinking and take charge.
Your reading is saying that you will leave your partner but not just yet. You are not emotionally ready yet. You will go through the Devil stage and then when he relapses big time you will finally leave.
Sorry just need to fix something, you already are going through The Devil stage, but it will accumulate in future.
Yes, I broke it off yesterday. I don't really know what I'm doing right now, but I have ended it.... And it hurts and it sucks.
Endings are always hard but they give way for new beginnings.