• Helene - 2 Aug 1973...I seem to be having very bad luck with men! They act all keen then go cold or distant on me. I'm not over bearing and don't cling to men, give them their space etc. So I'm quite confused as to why this is happening. Will it change as the disappointment is becoming a bit too much! : (

  • Lane, I think you may tend to frighten people off because of a tendency towards emotional melodrama that can put others off. I feel you are very emotionally sensitive. You also can come across as demanding or authoritarian - it's your Leo nature. It can scare off weaker types of men. You need to choose strong-minded, more conscious and evolved, independent partners. But you have a tendency to attract men who are looking for a mother to nuture them because deep down you want to be nurtured and doted on like that yourself and you hope they will return the favour. Then you get disappointed and upset when they don't. You have to watch this tendency and also a leaning towards co-dependency in love. Also, don't let some disappointments and your need to get away from it all turn you into an anti-social creature who is paranoid about people. If you see frogs everywhere, then you'll miss the princes.

    What you are really looking for is somewhere to feel safe, protected and cared for - an environment in which you feel you truly belong. To find this place, you must be willing to let go of the idea that one special person - or even a group of people - is going to provide it just because you think you need it. You must take charge of creating what you need for yourself. The desire to be taken care of can lead you into the trap of a unending search for security and you can develop emotional dependencies on others, trying to make them the basis for your security. But no one can fill your bottomless pit of need - you can never get enough reassurance from others to feel safe. You must be willing to take the risk of assuming full responsiblity for your own happiness. The irony is that once you step up and take charge, you will feel secure and in control of your own destiny.

  • Thanks Captain for your reply. I think you are completely right and helpful. Yes I do need to take the responsibility and make myself happy and stop looking for others to fill the emptiness I feel at times. Now its just a matter of figuring out how to do that and stop falling back into old patterns.

  • It's not a question of 'can't but of 'do you want to'?

  • Definitely want to!

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