Moving on help - I really need it.......

  • I need anyone's help. Right now I am depressed. Seriously. It's Friday night, my friends are all married with kids, and I am so sad that my Cancer soulmate hasn't called me in two weeks. I am seriously depressed. I'm 35, I feel like I will never find anyone that will want me for who I am. I am an emotionally stable and secure woman (although maybe not right now) and I have so many things positive going for me. I love my Cancer - with all my heart - and I miss him terribly, It's not a " in love with the idea of being in love", or a "any man is great because I will fall in love with them". It's a - I've never been with anyone that has made my life so complete". I was happy before I met him, but he made my life so much more happier and fulfilling - enriching, I guess. I can't explain it - it was just like magic. I know this man is my soulmate. He has all the qualities that not only I offer someone, but can offer me. I know this sounds stupid, but I don't know what to do. I feel like I am missing a part of me right now and I guess I just need some words of advice to help me move on or make it through this rough patch. I do appreciate any insight and advice - right now I need it.

  • Hi Paula,

    hope you feel a bit brighter today ( saturday).

    You don't actually say the reason he hasn't been in touch, eg: break-up or work related etc..

    The moon is retrograde at present and can affect relationships by testing them and often making us feel a little negative because we're reminded of the time we were last feeling lonely. Air signs particularly seem to be affected in this area. The heart feels heavy.

    It's difficult to lift yourself out of this mild state of depression but you might like to try sitting quietly and imagine the sun filtering in through the crown of your head and down through the chakras. It should help you feel more revitalized but be sure to close the crown afterwards to ground yourself.

    It's only for a few more days so keep your chin up and give in to little sweet temptations which don't cost a fortune and will boost your stamina levels. The feel good factor 🙂

    Hope all turns out well for you,

    Verdana 🙂

  • Dear Paula

    Why haven't you heard from him in two weeks? Is it a misunderstanding that needs to be cleared up? Or is he just emotionally distant and unavailable? You said he has made your life happier and more fulfilled but yet you are alone and miserable. I have been exactly where you are right now and thought I would never get past the love and need I had for my "soulmate." But one day I realized that most of what I felt for him and about him was based on an unrealistic idealized version of who this man really was. I know how hard it can be to let go of a dream but you have to ask yourself - is he enriching your life or diminishing it?

  • Need Help with my BF was where Paula started talking about her Cancer. If you find it you can get caught up. Paula what did you do before you met him? Try to get back to that place you said you were happy then. And your giving him time while taking care of you. We can't depend on someone else to make us happy and full filled . But you know that. Only we can make ourselves happy. Shift your focus back to you again.

  • Dear Paulaj, Just think about your time with him, and the way his eyes looked when you were with him in different scenarios. Really look. Is there a recent picture? Look at his eyes, Are they truly happy??? Two weeks is a long time no matter what the situation is. Ask yourself, could you stay away from him for two weeks if you left him? Probably not, you'd get sooo lonesome for him that you'd go running back with your tail between your legs (so to speak). Obviously he doesnt feel the same about you. When things get bad with the other girl, then he will try to get back with you, but only until the next one comes along. YOU are better than that. You can only love for yourself, you cant love enough for both of you, or you cant love him enough to keep him. He HAS to love you enough to stay with you no matter what. Thats the real test ( no matter what ) This is one sided YOUR SIDE. I have been where you are, I would never hurt your feelings intentionally. Get on with your life even if it hurts, and i know how much it does. Anyone who can stay away doesnt love you like they should. He will always do this to you, and if you stay with him, you will waste your years, and in the end have no one after all. He isnt the only man out there. I know there is someone that will treat you right ( if you want them ) If you caused this then you need to call and apologize. If not then do whatever you have to do to get thru this. Then leave him alone. Later you will realize that no ones worth this kind of heartache, no one. I wish you the best, I hope you listen before you just get hurt more by this man. Take care, God Bless You.

  • Thank you every one for your kind words of encouragement. You are all so very right - I woke up this morning and thought alittle more about it and if he truly was my soulmate - he wouldn't be acting like this. Basically I did do something, but I apologized the following day and I haven't heard from him since. I know there are so many other men out there - but I guess I have to get back to that place where I was before I met him in order to meet the one that's right for me. That's the hard part.

    I had been wondering whether I should mail his stuff back to him and I'm going to. If his belongings are out of my home, then it will be much easier for me to not think about him and move on with my life. it's time to put my energy back into what's really important - ME - lol!

  • Paulaj,

    It sounds to me like you undertand what you need to do, now the hard part is doing it. I too had my heart broken into a million pieces, (several years ago) and it was from something I did. I kept apologizing and could not understand that if this man says he loves as much as he does, why could he not forgive me? I had not cheated or anything big like that, in fact, I was very loyal. What I learned is that sometimes we just can't fix things. Once we have learned what we needed to from a person in our lives it's just time to let it go. This relationship is a stepping stone to the next destination in your life. I hope this helps...

  • I got into a small fight with my Aries exboyfriend, and amazingly he didn't call me for two weeks, either. The reason I didnt call him is because I was always the one calling to make up after fights ,and I told myself this time I wasnt gonna do it. So two weeks went by with no word from him, so I finally called him. We talked, 'made up', and I asked him how he could have possibly let this go on for two weeks, and how long he would have let it go on. He said he would have just kept waiting. Amazing. I took this as a sign that he clearly wasnt very interested, and promptly broke up with him.

    Turns out, that actually made him very upset. Like....he was actually distraught. This amazed me. I thought the exact same thing. How can you possibly go two weeks without talking to someone if you really like them....?

    Turns out you can. So, while I don't disagree with what everyone is saying -because ignoring you for two weeks is lame, lame, lame- i think that there's a possibility there's a litte more to the situation then him just being an asshole. Unless there's more going on with the not talking then I know about, maybe you should calmly try and find out what he wants. He's not talking to you, maybe because he wants space....?

    Oh, and the other thing about this guy, was that he never actually told me any of this stuff himself. He acted like our breakup was nothing to him. I found out later from a friend that it tore him up. And this guy was an ARIES! Usually we're pretty damn vocal, lol! So, seeing as your guy is a Cancer, I cannot imagine what is going on in his head that he's not telling you about. Just keep this in mind.

  • Paula we do spring cleaning. Throw out what you don't need in the house anymore. Clear out the attic. Dust yourself off and start a new. You go girl.

  • Cancer here, although not the male type, so this may or may not help. WE LIKE OUR SHELLS. There are two things I can vouch for that are most important to Cancers: Home and family. If you cannot be patient with him as he does this now, you may not be able to tolerate it as it is a core behavior of Cancers to withdraw from time to time...needing space is vital, but home and family are not a thing we take lightly either. At least the healthier of us...

  • Well Cancerlovesaries - I have put up with quite a bit of him going into his shell, the problem is, when he did that - he was still going out and hanging out with his friends. I dont' really care so much about that - but at least show me some respect when you're having a bad time. I know he's got so much going on for him (and it's not positive), BUT two weeks? I can tolerate the needing space - just not the game playing. the only "thing" I did wrong was accuse him of flirting with his BF's new girlfriend - he got mad because I was "too jealous". well I'm sorry - but I call it as I see it and when you CLEARLY pay more attention to your friends new girfriend than you do to me, and even more than what your friend pays attention to her - whether or not you are interested in her is irrelevant and to do that in front of me is disrespectful and I called him on it. I think I had every right, BUT I apologized for the way I handled it cuz I could have handled it better, but I didn't take back what I said. As for me - I don't "feel" like he's with someone else, but I won't continue wasting more energy on him. He's obviously not the one for me and right now I am very grateful for all of you who have read and responded to my posts. My friends all love him and "us" together and they don't want "us" to be "done", so their objectivity is null and void. I thank you all so much for your advice.

    LibrasLair - THANK YOU!!!!!!

  • Your welcome and I wish you Peace and Harmony.

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  • I am "dating" a Cancer too. We have been close friends for ten years. He knows my entire family and I know his. When we spend time to gether it is amazing as well. But when he is moody and self reserved it is bad. One day I missed work he made me cry so much. One minute he acts as if he needs me the next just pushes me as far away as he can by telling me he loves me... But as a friend. Then saying He can't be in anything serious. As a freedom loving Sagitarius I get angry at the fact he assumes I want to be in a serious realtionship. Do not respond and leave staying angry my freedom was almost tampered with.... I chill with him, all of his friends, and go almost everywhere with him. He comes over to my house all the time (unannounced-almost like spying), but this last time he dumped me was terrible. Now he sleeps on the couch. We still talk but he will ignore me for days on end. So I ignore back (and he can't stand it and comes back around) but don't fret because the longest we have gone is 9 days. Cancers eventually make thier way back just be patient. Believe me as a fellow fire sign patience is hard to come by. I spend many nights alone and especially weekends. ecause even if i am not technically with him he gets jealous very jealous and inquires of events that happen when he isn't around. I am not a good liar so i just chill and that way i can tell him what is true. If it was meant to be with ur Cancer(which Sagitarians are not compatible with by the way, Just lucky Cancer is my moon sign, this gives me the patience I need to not get fed up with him). He will be back just slowly and more cautious every time. Cancers are very afeminate and like affection, have a hard time admitting when they were wrong, and no matter how many mistakes THEY make expect you to forgive them and allow them back in ur life with open arms. Neurotic I know but then again there are many phases to the moon..... I have read through this entire forum didn't see one Sagitarius on here. We like to look to the future and patience for something like unrequited love really isn't in our nature. Cancer's love to dwell on the past have a huge love for Nastalgia. Maybe bringing up old stale memories with him can help...

  • Hi, Somehow I get the feeling that you are a little outspoken and being around him you have had to stifle some. We are social creatures. We were made to have everlasting love and that is why it doesn't feel right. If I'm reading between the lines correctly, you are ok financially--he's not. I would not fault yourself and be yourself. He may have some growing to do. I think the best thing for you is to look at the positive and basically not depend on him emotionally or any other way. As for me, I am quite happy tooling along as is. Taking on any relationship is hard. A lot of people have issues. Try to figure out (in the future) what the issues are and if you can deal w/them. If you can, try to look at things objectively. By all means, get with some friends and just do something that is fun. Get plenty of sun and eat well. Let us know how it's going. I wouldn't invest anymore time and effort on this.

  • I'm sorry you feel like there's a hole in your life but you need to cowgirl up. Show some self-confidence some self- reliance you were fine before him and you'll be fine after him. Did you deserve to be treated like that ? I'm gonna say no. Don't appeare to be needy or co-dependant. If he should contact you between now & then, tell him you took the free time to asses & reasses your relationship & watch him figet. What you do after that is all up to you. knighttemplar77

  • I don't know what to say. Thankyou for your advise... I actually never tell him how I feel about anything but am very fed up. Don't understand why he would want to be my friend and keep rubbing it in my face. Opening up the sutures ..... Sometimes I find myself just wanting him to leave. Like I wish I never knew him or let him in. Get so tired of it. As far as cowgirling up though I do not approach love as roping in a calf. We have been friends for a very long time and will have to work things out together as friends. No I did not deserve to be treated badly you are right but I am not perfect and have not been completely open about my feelings towards him either.

  • Very very true... You are reading through the lines correctly. I guess finances are really not an issue for me, but i can see where that migh up set a guy. I will try and take your advise but it will be very hard.....

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