Stay or go



  • I've been been married for 19 years...been with the same person for 30 years....I want to leave becuase of past events...i finding it hard to break the ties.....not sure if i'm just going to a stage or truly hurt by life with him....we have had good times...but I can't get over the bad...



  • Hi, I commend you for staying in a committed relationship this long. You probably, as I see it, are willing to help other people. Maybe you should look into things that interest you. Maybe do some volunteering. I've also heard that for every negative experience, it takes 10 positive to counter it. Move around a little and open your interests.



  • Hi, there. I am amazed at your post, because I was going to post almost the exact same question 2 days ago. I struggle with the guilt of ending a relationship with a man to whom I said "Til death do us part". In my heart, I am no longer in a marriage relationship with him, but I am trying to build on the friendship part. After 8 years of gradual eroding of respect and self-esteem, I think I'm done. I'm giving it a few more months to see how the friendship thing goes, and to build up my self-esteem again. I see the relationship now as a significant part of my life, and I can see my husband as a good person, but not someone with whom I am compatible. We would both have to change our personalities tremendously to avoid the hurt that I'm sure we have both endured (I've been more vocal about mine, his seem to be more frustrations at my responses to his hurtful behaviour). I have tried changing myself for years, and it has not been possible. I try not caring about the hurtful behaviours and attitudes, but that doesn't work. It is not a difference in communication styles but in fundamental personality traits that don't provide the essentials of each other's needs.

    This is my experience. I would be very interested to hear yours. After so many years, you've obviously found ways to endure pain and strengthen yourself.



  • To speak truthfully....we are good sex partners..just keeping it real...smile but I have kids so at one time are another you have to grow up and be parents....my kids are older now which has enabled me to breath and look at my life.....I've discovered my love for poetry again....I go to poetry set twice a week and I 'm trying to find myself again...sometimes you can get lost with taking care of everyone except yourself....I decided that i had to stop and think about me......I've stop doing things to please everyone and not please me....even the little things.....I would buy food that everyone liked even if I wanted something else...it may seem little but you learn to tell yourself that your not important....it a mental conditioning....I hang out with my friends more....

    I'm not saying that it will be easy but you seem farther alone than me....we've talk about devorce but it was just a conversation....I just can't think of being by myself...I've always had a boyfriend/husband....but I plan on letting it go....I just trying to get our bills together because he is my friend.....we just can't live together.....sometimes I wonder if I should wait until the kids get bigger....


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