Please help confuse/unsure
Let me start by saying I am new to this and this is actually my first post (ever).
I have been reading your advice/responses and am impressed and intrigued. You are someone with great clarity and compassion!
I hope you will be able to do a reading for me as I am at the end of my rope, I am having a great deal of trouble dealing and finding my own answers, which is totally unlike me.
My story is pretty long so I will try and keep it as brief as I can...
When I was a young girl (around 10 - 12 y.o) I began having a dream. The dream consisted of me standing on a rocky formation looking down at the silhouette of a man walking on a beach. Only the outline of his body shape was visible. I had this dream throughout my life. In my heart and soul I knew if I were to ever meet him (he could be anywhere in the world and the likely hood of us actually meeting was like finding a needle in a hay stack) the relationship would be "the one". I didn't ever ask anything other than would we ever meet. In retrospect I should have asked many more questions.
Well, I met him and I knew in an instant it was him. Remember I only had an outline of what he looked like, no hair or eye color, nationality, language spoken nothing.
We had an on again off again relationship for many years. To this day I cannot answer truthfully if we will ever get back together or if this is the end forever - the relationship as it was ended and ended badly. Lying, betrayal, all the things which make up a very poor ending.
It is coming up on a year since everything came out into the open. There were other life- altering circumstances during the same time frame for me, which have wreaked havoc as well. It all has shaken me to the core.
I am still cosmically connected to him - in other words I know when things are not going well for him, when he is thinking about me, or needs to talk to me, waking me out of a deep sleep, or all of a sudden out of know where popping into my thoughts etc.
I have tried in vain to break the connection but it won't break.
I need to know why the connection is still there and what it means. Is there anything between him and I any longer? In any event what direction should I be moving toward, I feel so lost, out of touch, no longer know which way to go.
Any insight would be appreciated. BTW I have not had the dream since meeting him.
Please accept my apologies for the length of this writing.
This relationship between you is often oriented toward human interactions, whether in school, religious or social organizations or more informally within a group of friends. Both of you have a character trait of periodically feeling misunderstood, even abnormal. Together however, you can make your way in the world without feeling strange about yourselves. Thus the focus of your relationship is often social development, as you two learn more about people and institutions and how they work. Astrology predicts an easy relationship here for the most part. Difficulties can arise however when each person's fiery nature begins to flare.
As a romance, this relationship can be spontaneous, impulsive, passionate and highly sexual. Emotional maturity is usually absent however, and the 'landscape' of the matchup may be dotted with outbursts of feeling, both positive and negative. You Lioness7 are definitely the longer-suffering of the two of you - if your friend feels rejected or frustrated, he will not hang in there but take his leave of you, with little warning.
Marriage or friendship between you can certainly be intense at times but for the most part should be fairly easygoing and pleasurable. But the fact that there is a great deal of understanding between you doesn't also mean that there is total sympathy. You are both quite independent and a lot of the time you spend together may include the presence of other people, and since in a social setting, you two tend to be treated rather as if you were a single person, these situations will bring you closer together. Other people might be aghast at the way you two use sarcastic verbal jabs as a sign of affection with each other. But those jabs can turn nasty if the romance goes sour.
I feel this relationship was more about finding a supportive friend than a life partner. Certainly you two were fated to meet but I don't feel you were fated to stay together. I think you came together at a time when you both needed to find someone who could understand what you were going through but I don't think your temperaments are suited to living together happily.
I believe your dream came out of a need for companionship that you had at the time and certainly your friend did fit the bill there. But you are both now different people with different dreams and goals and no longer need the same sort of support and help you gave each other back then. It's time to let go of the past and dreams and move on.
Oh sorry, I didn't see that this was addressed to Hans until now. I hope you don't mind me butting in.
Thank you for your insight and response. You are correct it's time, past time really to let go of the past, dreams included and move on in life. The relationship was always affected by outside forces though I didn't realize what they were at the time, I see them pretty clearly now.
I am happy (thank you) that you responded as I was beginning to wonder if posting was the right thing to do, so thank you again.
I have made progress in breaking the cosmic connection I have to him. Tho I wanted it broken and gone (as the amount of time knowing something was up with him went rattling around in my brain was tiring to say the least) it is on the sad side as I feel he knew I was doing everything in my power to break it. I don't know if he has tried to contact me (I blocked his calls & texts) so he would know I am no longer available to him.
However, I have this nagging feeling that he will get in contact with me again some time in the future and I just want to be at a place in my life where nothing from him affects me when he does.
I am irritated at the lengths I have had to go through over-all from blocking him to changing emails, becoming virtually unsearchable in anyway shape or form. He broke my trust and betrayed me in ways I wouldn't think of doing to anyone else and yet I still spoke with him, and even wanted to be back together - how stupid is that!?!
Maybe in retrospect - "things happen for a reason" it was a good thing, maybe I wasn't protecting myself well enough in many different ways. It has had an impact on me - I didn't share much with the outside world to begin with...now I share even less.
I don't want to end up in a shell tho.
Why let one person and one experience turn you off to finding better people and better experiences? If you learned your lesson here, you won't make the same mistake again. That's what life is all about.