Will my cancer man come back?
I was seeing a cancer man for about 3 months. He told me he needed time alone to get over past hurts and that he isn't ready for a relationship. He has a very complicated past. I told him he doesn't have to commit to anything and we could just keep seeing each other but somehow we got into a huge argument which ended in me running after him and him saying I was crazy. That night I was drinking heavily (unusual for me) - I have never acted that way. I sent him a sincere apology explaining that this is uncommon behavior, called and apologized. He texted me a few days later saying he owed me a response. A few days later I sent him a text suggesting we meet to talk things through but he ignored me. That was about a week ago and I haven't heard from him since. I know crabs retreat into his shells. We spent some very good times together but I think I hurt him that night. He hurt me too. I was just reacting to him distancing himself. I need advice on how to get him to talk to me again, at least to clear the air and try to win him back. Any advice?
I am with a cancer too and space is inheritly important to them. Do not push the conversation to air things out. Suggest an outing (dinner/movie) and invariably the topic will come up. Cancers go into hiding because they do not deal with "limbo" so well. You will only win your Cancer back by being yourself so why not try that. Stop trying to win him back. If he's yours,he's yours!
Ignore him.. give him space, no calls no emails no communication whatsoever. He will come running back when he realizes you are not chasing him. Best of luck.
Thank you for your responses. I am dealing with the situation better now that I have some distance, but am just scared I he will never speak to me again. Mutual friends have told me that he has not brought me up at all, as if he's trying to forget our romance ever happened! I have always been very understanding with him...he said the turmoil he has concerning me is that I am marriage material and he is not ready for that. I should've just walked away when he said that and told him to make up his mind, but I didn't want to pressure him. So I told him that I didn't want to loose him so we could stay as is for now. He seemed uneasy with the whole thing. Said you can't love someone else if you don't love yourself and then somehow we got into the huge blow-up. I am happy to give him space and will keep myself busy in the meantime - I guess I am wondering if he will ever forgive me for my stupid behavior. The whole thing was very intense. How should I act around him if I bump into him? Should I ignore him and let him come to me? I will definitely not try to contact him in the meantime. I respect his need for space. Thank you for your advice.
I am not trying to be harsh but maybe you should have walked away when he is not ready for what you are. It seems he tried to get through to you on what he wanted out of the relationship, but you thought maybe things will change for your advantage in the future.
Unfortunately most times when someone says that he is not ready for commitment or in this case told you he doesn't love himself, he is trying to protect you, trying to tell you in his own own words that maybe he is no good for you. whatever he meant it was a warning.
So now he needs time to cool off because perhaps you were not "listening" or ingesting what he was trying to say.
You didn't do anything wrong, you just have a good heart and he must realize this by the way he used his words.
My advice would be to let this cool completely and move on but if you don't then give him his space. If you do bump into him you can say hello, I am sure he wont mind that. I was referring to no communication via phone, text or email. Let him come to you and if he doesn't it's his loss.
go back and re-read what you wrote in your first post, and tell me what you see wrong with YOUR behavior. you pretty much blew it with your responses to him.
figure out what you are doing wrong before you latch onto the next guy. you will keep having the same problems with men until you figure out what you are doing wrong.
no wonder men don't want to commit and are taking longer to commit..
Thank you gypsydreams. I know I should've walked away. That is my regret. I was just scared of loosing him, but maybe I never had him to begin with...i think the outcome would've been the same in the end but if I had walked away I may have stood a chance in the future. I don't know, it's just all very confusing...
MsSunny, can you please elaborate - I know I messed up and have been trying to figure it all out so any insight on your part would be great.
re:goldylox7 post above.
couldn't you have just told me this earlier and in a nice way.....LOL
You were quite harsh with me....yes I am a sensitive pisces.
Actually, when someone is brutally honest with me, I have more respect for them, but then I run away and cry.............................NOT!!
I am so sorry I came across as harsh Pisces. It was not my intention at all.
"I don't know, it's just all very confusing."
It is not confusing, not really. He has told you how he feels and what he wants, or doesn't want.
You were not harsh at all!
I was confused with the cancer man when he mentioned he did not want commitment, then went on to say I may find the love of my life while I am with him, or that maybe he is the love of my life!!
SO CONFUSING!!! Thats where I was getting stuck!
The longer he is not getting in contact with me, I know he was just not that into me.
Sorry Pisces but I don't know if you are being sarcastic, I don't understand your post to be honest.
btw it is really that simple, in my opinion anyway.
Sorry for the confusion gypsydreams.
Sarcasm wasn't my intent.
I wanted to explain something about my situation, and sometimes what I am trying say comes out wrong.
Just ignore that last post.
Oh that is ok, no problem.