A Cancerian trait?

  • Let's hear from Cancer people and all those who have been involved with them. Many MANY people post here that they can't understand why their Cancer partner behaves so crazily or treats them so badly. Maybe we can clear up some misconceptions through discussion.

    What I am seeing is that Cancerians are very emotional, overly sensitive people who tend to retreat when a situation or partner becomes too much for them to cope with. They don't respond well to even the slightest hint of pressure. I think it's why so many of them are always poised on their tippytoes ready to run. When astrologers say Cancerians are very family-oriented, I think that means family as in having children. Just having a spouse doesn't seem to guarantee their staying around - their children however seem to be anchors that can keep them at home (though they will still retreat when things get too tough for them to handle. it's just that they will return sooner than if they didn't have any kids.)

    Many people think they play games but I think they are just trying to protect themselves from stress and upset when they take off. Any sign of their partner trying to force a commitment out of them can have them strapping on their boots and heading for the door so I think that anyone having problems with them may have been trying to press for a firmer commitment. I think that is why many of them have affairs - they just want to avoid stressful situations as much as possible because they don't deal well with them. So, if one partner is putting the 'hard word' on them, they will find someone else to run to for solace and comfort. The phrase 'kid gloves' was probably invented for these people.

    How am I doing, Cancerians?

  • What you said makes sense. Mine chased me when I didn't show interest but when i showed too much interest he ran and hid in his shell..

  • What you said makes sense. Mine chased me when I didn't show interest but when i showed too much interest he ran and hid in his shell..

  • Your thoughts on stress induced abandonment by Cancer people are interesting Captain. I'm of course writing from the perspective of a female crab. ( I think there are definite differences) I think many Cancer's run into a problem in relationships because it's difficult to create happy mediums within them. We want to be shown love and affection that will prove to us that we can feel secure and safe with someone. However, it is probably then, when we feel wrapped in all those feelings, that we realize we can drown in them if we don't get some distance. For a sensitive crab person who senses the changing tides of emotions as well as real crabs intuit the changing tides of the ocean, the only workable solution to feeling so overwhelmed seems to be creating physical space between themselves and the one they love.

    I don't believe that Cancer people love to play games just to mess with people. I think when there are issues that need to be sorted out in our lives we create distance so that we know the final decision was really ours and not our partners. The accusations of game playing come into this mix because when we run to our shells and try to figure things out, we a) don't tend to share our inner process with people and b) we want to know that we are still loved and adored. That seems to be the crappy part. You love a Cancer, they bail on you without explanation of why and yet they seem O so hurt when you question them or act like you are anything other than loyal and loving :-0

    Crazy for sure and most people would run for the hills if Cancers were like this all the time. I think the guys get a worse rep for abandoning ship just because of basic communication differences between men and women. A girl crab can go quietly into her shell and most guys won't question her on why she seems distant and quiet. However, how many women would not question a guy that does the same? I think that's where the Captain pointed out that Cancers are avoiding pressure.

    Thanks for the interesting topic 😉 Have a great weekend everyone

  • So would you Crabs say that emotional or fiery (water/fire) types are the WORST partners for you? That intellectual or very practical/serene (air or earth) individuals who don't put any emotional pressure on you are best? Or do you still want to be with emotionally deep, sensitive and expressive people? Or combos of these types? Who works best for you?

  • I think we adore strong types, it's the weak and unsure who drive me mad or seem to be begging for my trouble. If they can stay up, then I'll go up, enjoying the view. Never do I look forward to a drag down. And I get terrible traits, leering an ugly face if they mistrust, overly adore to the point of unbelievable, have break-downs, meltdowns, hissy fits and big drama, too often, seem ever at all unworthy, lie without a creative genius to it or find a way to keep it interesting, intellectual, enlightening, mysterious...etc.

    I've had relations with many different signs, I couldn't pin-point which is a better.

    But, I'm guilty of becoming a mush if they've managed to hook, line and sink me with matters

    of the heart. I can easily fall jealous, clingy, paranoid with attempts at keeping them. The things I'm turned from I might too become.

  • I have become involved with a Cancer who was actually my first love at the age of 16. We happened to reconnect after 25 years and two divorces. I do understand all of the questions that have been posed regarding these crabs, however I do need to make mention (as other folks have) about the vulnerabilities of this sign. As a Pisces I totally get it. I need to revert, not answer the phone, leave town to re-group. Water signs absorb all that is going on around them and take it on as their own. Our challenge is to learn how to not make other's problems our issues.

    Cancers are selfish. They most certainly are. However when I sit with mine and explain the impact of his actions on me he understands. He is ultimately vulnerable too and then we begin to negotiate so both of our needs are met. After he understands where I am coming from. All criticisms of Cancers aside, they are care-takers. They are loyal when their needs are met. Isn't that what we all need?

    My man is secretive and he does disappear and/or grow distant with his communication. As a Pisces so do I so this works. I have fears and so does he. I just give it up to God, the stars, planets, etc. and it all becomes clear.

    I find Cancers to be absolutely wonderful people and I always have!

  • Cancer men in particular seem to be very big on meeting people - they tend to idealise others but as soon as harsh reality sets in, their enthusiasm wanes and they are off and running and looking for the next 'perfect' partner. Of course, no one like this exists so they are forever looking without finding. They are not so good at maintaining relationships. I think it's the first blush of romance they enjoy - but that gets old for them pretty quick.

    Or maybe they are just quicker than most to realise when something won't work?

  • Well, I have been involved with my cancer guy j for 10 months. What you say about their children being anchors, I am not sure if that anchors them to a relationship, but it does anchor them deeply, and I mean deeply to their children.

    One of the reasons I fell for him was his devotion to his children. And oddly, the reason I am keeping our relationship on a noncommital level. I respect who he is in their lives and who they are in his. I would not want things any different right now.

    As far as the retreating, I have to behonest and say, he has really not retreated that much. Yet when he has, I think he has done so hastily. I hvae told him countles times he can trust me. He is finally learning how to do that I think. B/C he has shared some things with me, that I knew were very hard for him to share. Yet again though, I know that is a protective thing for cancers to do.

    If they do not share, then they will never get rejected or get their feelings hurt. Or get their preceptions challenged making it easier for them to cope and deal with things. Yet, I am not sure how realistic this is in relationships. Disagreeing does not automatically equal bad or wrong. It just means different. I think that cancers lack when it comes to that concept.

  • Great Thread!

    As a cancer female I can undoubetdly say that I enjoy relationships with other cancers. It seems as though they are the only sign that gets my withdrawal into my shell and doesn't annoy the hell out of me while I'm in it. Trust is a major issue for me and once you have it I will open up my shell and completely let you in. I tend to play the field until I find the right person with which my interest and heart peaks.

    Scorpios are wonderful passionate lovers but they are too demanding and frankly I find them wanting you to share everything, time, money, home... etc. I cannot deal with the firery attitude all the time, constant questioning of my thoughts etc...

    Earth signs (capricorn) is a huge puzzle for me and a constant chase... quite literally exhausting and in the end not worth the effort or time expended.

    Air signs, much better for close friendships, don't hang n closely to your emaotions making their advice un biased and true.

    Water signs, well, I love them all but I only go for relationships with grounded water signs and socialble ones as well. Image is of great importance to me and you must have proper manners and know when to hold back all emotions.

    Currently dating both a Cancer and a Scorpio. Scorpio is too aggressive and has already talked marriage... too scary as we are not even intimate. Cancer male is aloof at times, hard to catch and we are intimate although I have recently pulled away from that due to unforseen circumstances and his tendency to be confused about us. I am a hard read and at times can be very mean, Cancer man cannot deal, Scorpio on the other hand has a strong personality and great sense of humor... Currently wanting Cancer man to get with the program....

    As a cancer woman I can say that while we seem sweet and mild, we can also be brash and mean when hurt or even confussed... To get away from this we disappear for a while. Only way for us to deal... Lots of time is taken to contemplate where we are going and what we truly want from a relationship... If we are even considering a relationship with you consider yourself lucky.

  • I've dated three cancer guys in my years of dating so far, and two of them I found to be typical cancers - all hot and mushy in love almost instantly, so much so that they freaked me out. I couldn't handle their intensity and constant rushing of our relationship, and ended the relationship after a month or two of involvement.

    The other one is the complete opposite, and the most recent, yet I decided I would rather friendship with him because he has a lot of walls up and prefers it that way. It's not my duty to break them down; he is the only one who can, I believe, and he will do so in his own time. I am a female scorpio, and most of what I've read says we are relentlessly prying when in situations like this, however I would not want to be pried and pressured, so I give him the same respect and space. He confides in me and talks non-stop about "who" and "how" he is, and I nod and listen while he's lost in his speech. But, most times I feel like it's more that he's trying to reassure himself of his front than truly representing the person he is inside. Or it's a test to see if he can scare me away with all his bravado, and I'm not the test-taking type. He's a mystery to me, yet I feel like I know him as I know myself - because we have many similar self-defense/destructive tactics, so I feel I see through him. Either way, I adore him as a person and as a friend, but I feel he can not feel love for another person until he's learned to love himself, and to trust love. Again, I could be holding the mirror at the wrong person. ; )

    It's funny what you said about your cancer and scorpio men, cancercutie, because I feel the males and females of the signs are very different from one another. I've tried dating male scorpio's a few times and it never worked out well. The chemistry was always great, but I found most of them to be better actors than boyfriends.

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