Numb Void

  • I am married and had an affair with a married man. Something I have never don and never thought I would ever find myself in the position. It got intense early on , he told me he was in love with me early on which shocked me. We have broken it off a few times but always seem to see each other again. In the beginning he said he had no guilt but now he does. He says he got to a point where he felt like he needed to leave his wife or just be platonic friends with me. One of the things I am finding hard to understand is why the guilt was such a delayed reaction. We also have a huge mental connection. He says he thinks about me all the time and says he feels about me the way he should feel about his wife. He is a Sag and I'm a Libra. His children are why he can't leave which I totally understand but he is not happy. He also doesn't like change, and likes things to be easy.Any insights?

  • EdenHappyGirl you said your married and had an affair with a married man. You talked about his life with his family but didn't mention your husband or if you had children. You seem more worried about him than your husband. Were you already separated when you two started this? There are a lot of people in these type of situations that can be hurt and I only hear about half of them and wondering if I missed something so I reread it. I am missing something.

  • I agree with LibrasLair....

  • I seperated after we started the affair........for a lot of different reasons , I have no children. I am back home trying to work things out with my husband but this man clouds things for me. I still find myself wanting to be with the other man. I feel like he is my soulmate.

  • Maybe you need time away from both men to "sort out your priorities". If you are going to get back with your husband you need to work out the reason why you were led astray to start an affair in the first place and you need to really cut your "lover" out of your life completely. Being on your own would help your "lover" to sort out his priorities too - if he really wants to be with you he needs to make the sacrifices....he can still be a good parent living apart...but not budging because of the kids is a pathetic excuse on its own. If he is unhappy then the atmosphere must be less than healthy at his house anyway. What about his wife? She deserves to know the truth.,too.

  • Well, here I go again. Am I missing something, I can't understand how you can ask us for any insight on your issue. Hello, you are both married, regardless of whether you are living with your husband or not, you are married. Your post sounds like life is dispensible, like you can just walk away from any committments you make when the mood strikes you. My insight on your issue is, bad karma, that's all you will have coming to you if you continue to mess with this guys life and marriage, not to mention his children. You need a reality check, this is not an acceptable lifestyle. Ane once again I must ask, if this man is willing to be secretive and untrustworthy, behind his wifes back, what makes you think he would treat you any different once the newness wore off.

  • I don't know I still am feeling there is so much I can't put my finger on. EHG did you go back to your husband because your guy in the afair couldn't make up his mind? Did the two of you give each other what was missing in your marriages? I think if you haven't started getting at home what you strayed for it won't work anyway. If you want your marriage to work you better tell your husband what it is you need and want from him that you weren't getting before. And as for a platonic relationship after intimacy I don't know if that will work either. Because if you are around when he is flirting with someone else you will give it away. So you don't need to be anywhere they are. Its not fair to the partners.

  • I wish I could give my advise going through the same thing myself......but I can't because there is so much I can't even figure out in my situation. One step at a time........starting with yourself proceed with caution!! I'd say read my story....but it's too messed up!!! LOL Honestly! I did get some good advise from alot of these people and I'm trying to do the right things.....but like you I can't get my head and heart to forget!!! It's stressfull and I hope all goes well for you!!

  • My heart goes out to you...:( I know how confusing this can be,and when we feel something for someone ,it's soo hard to say it's not right...but, let me give you an insight from someone whom has been through this...GUILT will will creep up...if you are in an "affair" ,,and end up with ths will have doughts..about him ,and then yourself...KARMA WILL COME BACK at you...:( especially if there are children involved....this will come back to maybe older...but it will...if you are meant to be together,cut ties..that you have ..and he will cut the ties that he has...willing...don't build your life on a "shattered house" already...I wish you much happiness...take some time for yourself...ask yourself some hard questions...YOUR worth it...:)

  • I agree with you myviewpoint and logicly tell myself the same things, especially about the karma. I have never cheated in any relationship much less my marraige. This thing came on me like a freight train when I was at a very vulnerable place in my life. My father left my mom when I was a child and that is why in my heart of hearts I could not really follow through with anything with this man. It is still hard though as I miss him. I am working on things with my husband and he is doing all the right things. I am the one, I suppose, that needs to try harder in the marraige and appreciate what I have. I am just not sure my husband is my soulmate and that bothers me so.

  • I desperately want a soulmate and don't think my husband is it. That is the biggest problem in the marraige. We have an age difference and I don't feel like he "gets" me. He know me but that is different. The other guy feel s like a soulmate although I have to admit I have seen certain sides to him that I know would bother me in the long, he is not the nurturing type and that I do get from my husband in abundance.

  • Enough with the soul mate stuff, this is reality, and the reality for you right now is getting up everyday and doing what is right, but that only works if you really beleive what you're doing is right. Look, I'm not saying there is no such thing as a soul mate, but I am saying you are putting to much importance on those two words. Really, there are almost 7 billion people on this planet, how naive would we be if we thought we had actually found our true soul mates. The odds are really stacked against it. Most of the time when we think we have found our soul mates it's just a way of justifying immoral and unethical behavior. Stop and really think about this. Is this how you want the world to see you...

  • Hi Everyone;

    What world thinks is the least of concern of 2 people in love. Reference Romeo and Juliette. I do not believe that did give a dam about anyone thought. Love can happen to anybody- just because someone is married it does not mean they cannot be in love again. Worse, sometimes people can be in love with more than one person at the same time.

    The concept of soul mates has nothing to do with the no of people on this planet. I wish if you have these kind of questions will look more into the psychic world for answers. Take chiromancy for an instance. Some people have one soulmate, other 2 or 3 and others none. I also know that you have soul mates in your destiny and then you have soul mates in the life you choose to make. For some people, the two coincide. However, for others that are more action types they make changes in their destiny.

    For example in my destiny I know I have 3 soulmates. But in real life it shows only 2- but only one really that I will spend destiny with. Soul mates are not people you necessarily marry or are married to - are just twin souls. The level we connect with our soulmates is not at the everyday ground level. The "Earth" laws do not apply at soulmate level. Of course since these soulmates are ultimately people and they live in both worlds they have to submit to Earth laws as well.

    I met my soulmate once. I find a lot of people are trying to make decisions here when is not their place to do so. How about let destiny run it's course... I for one, did not make any decisions as far as what i to about my soulmate... or if I want to do anything about it.. For now I am just happy to know that he knows how I feel.

  • I think that is an interesting concept that you don't always have to be with your soulmate....haven't thought of it that way. This man knows how I feel and I know feels similarly. I am really trying to stay away and cut ties for now and let nature take its course. I really do believe things happen for a reason and I love him enough to want him to be happy. If his marraige it what he needs right now then deep down I want what he thinks he needs at the time. I have never believed situations or love should be forced.

  • EdenHappyGirl-

    no, please do not misunderstand.. I did not say that you should not be with your soulmate if you can. I think that true love should be above anything else, and it sounds to me you both love each other very much. Please, do not give up in love.. I am sure this man will follow you wherever you go and anywhere you will be. You sound like a wonderful wonderful person.

  • Hi, Sounds like your husband loves you if willing to work w/you. We are all vulnerable to "things" happening but you seem more willing to take it to the next level w/ the mm. Personally, I don't like the idea of being w/ the mm. He has established a life. Maybe you don't feel that yours is complete. Does he make you feel whole. I think it might be a false sense of complete. Today I was thinking about how feelings can sometimes be so different from reality. I am not downplaying your feelings or his. I would try to get out of the circle for awhile, get to myself and pray. Remember that you are a complete person w/ or w/o anyone. This may sound like a bunch of hogwash at a time like this but it's not. Don't become vulnerable to a situation that is not right for you. Don't forget your husband, if willing to work w/you.

  • I would like to know what EdenHappyGirl has to say.

  • I am not one to give up on love but I am also not one to push love. I have done a lot of soul searching lately about this situation with the married man. When I look back on the past times we have spent and things he has said I know he is trying to stay away b/c he made the decision to stay with his family. He struggles to not do I. At this point I am just trying to let the direction of my life go on it's natural course. I am trying to make logical decisions with my heart but not controlled by my heart. The married man and I have decided not to see each other about 3 or 4 times but then we do. When I look back to the recent past it seems I have been the one calling or going by his work. I have completely stopped any initiating any contact, we have not talked in almost 2 weeks. If he did feel about me the way I thought he did that is a long time not to talk. Maybe my instincts were off.

  • Eden now you know Libras love love. They sometimes want what they want so much that they can make it their way. Your making yourself sick when you can't do anything else but obsess on him. You can't move on. Concentrate on you not we. What ever happens from now on should be up to him. But don't make yourself a mess worrying.

  • Hi, Another angle to the story that is sometimes missed. Do you think you are the only person he has had an affair w/ or will in the future. He might be unsure about a lot of things.

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