Will this workout?



  • So meet a guy 5 months ago today (30/9), we dated for 3 1/2 months, got along really well like I have never connected with anyone before, he also seemed to feel the same way but has committment issues, as when we got to the point where we would have to start to get to know each other better outside of the "honeymoon period", he has switched off and put up a wall and broken up with me. I have since struggled to understand why and still have had weekly contact with him which is very friendly and easy however I have made it clear I want more than just friendship and he just tells me he can't commit. My question is will this relationship be reignited and be a successful, happy and fulfilling one - or am I hanging on to something which is done and dusted? Our birthdays are 26/04/71 (mine) and 30/07/70 (his). Thanks 🙂



  • Alas, this relationship looks better for friendship than a longterm love commitment. As you are square to each other in the zodiac, I would expect to see a lot of conflict between you. Sparks can certainly fly here but they can just as easily burn you both as enflame your passions. Hostility and destructive emotional forces can tear this stormy relationship apart. You are both very stubborn fixed people who are uncompromising in matters of the heart as well as other life situations. Marriage or a longterm love relationship would no doubt be fraught with difficulties since you both have a need to rule the roost. Misunderstandings and divisiveness will characterise this relationship, making it unlikely to last.



  • We are getting together this Friday and he wants to talk to me about us. I have given up pushing him on what I want and am now a bit cautious and somewhat hopeful that things will change. Is this possible?



  • I feel he just wants your friendship.



  • Your friend does not want to change and is happy with the way he is. He would like you to change to adapt to him and what he wants more.



  • Change to adapt to him?



  • If it is just friendship, can I adjust? I really believe our connection is very strong and it's hard to let go of being together. Will I be able to adapt to just friends? I've been struggling and not sure I can move across to just friendship.



  • Why do you feel you are struggling? Meditate on this, sit down in a quiet room with candles and incense, close your eyes.. ask the universe why am I struggling with this and.. breath... and slowly let your energy flow through your body, see what you can gather from this meditation. Listen to your inner self.

    I feel this struggle has more to do with you than your expectations of this relationship.



  • The thing with this relationship is that we meet in such a random way and clicked immediately, we have very similar ideas of relationships, family, what we want out of life and even agreed as to the sort of future we could see ourselves having, we made plans together as everything seemed easy and somewhat fated. He has very bad scars from previous relationships, even to the point when I suggested he parked his car in my garage he freaked out and joked about being trapped! At the time I thought it was amusing, but now I see it as one of the first indications of how scared he really is of commitment. He has been married before and has had two other long term relationships. I don't want to fix him as I accept him as he is and believed that over time he would become more comfortable and let his walls down. I am struggling as it seems like we are so well suited to each other, that when it got to getting to know each other on the next level after the 'honeymoon' period, he seemed to realise I was in love and his feelings were also very strong and just shut up shop on me with no real explanation. I am so very disappointed as can really see and strongly feel we are meant to be in each others life. I'm also frustrated as what I see he seems to have blocked even though from every indication he also felt the same way - even saying I have everything he wants in a partner. I have never really connected this way with any of my other relationships, so am hoping that some how it will work out ......... anything you can tell me on the above? I'm confused and don't want to just let go of such a good person, but going from having a full relationship to just a friendship is disappointing. I know life isn't aways fair, but here's hoping what seems right will come to fruition - thanks for any comments/feedback you all may have 🙂



  • It could be that you are what he wants but his insecurities and fear of commitment are stronger than his feelings for you. Maybe he doesn't want to risk it, maybe he feels safer being out of love than in, maybe he is just not ready. In any case you have the choice to either move on or wait for him. He told you where he stands, you have all the information you need to make a final decision, it's in your hands to either move on or wait for something that might never be.



  • Tickles your situation seems to be alot like mine. I too had a great connection with a man, who has been married before and hurt by his ex wife. He asked me for the commitment and said he was crazy about me, introduced me to the fam/friends and his son loved me dearly. He ended things stating he didn't want to do the girlfriend/boyfriend thing anymore, but that I was a great person and he wanted me in his life...anyway to me it seems they are afraid of geniune love and I told my ex this. I think maybe he needs to deal with his previous hurts, just be there for him and be supportive from a distance, let him know you are there. For some reason it seems men have to push us away to appreciate us.



  • Tickles71, a strong and close connection between a man and a woman doesn't necessarily mean it would work as an intimate relationship, too. Sometimes you are just better off being friends. I agree with Gyspydreams that I think you are more in love with what you HOPE to get from this relationship than what you are actually getting or will get. I feel that your friend will become more controlling, possessive, and dominating the more intimate you become with him.



  • Thanks cutevirgin, it seems we have meet very similar men! I agree that my hopes are stronger than what is actually going on between us at present, he has been clear of his limitations, I believe my disappointment is keeping me holding on to something that certainly at this point is not what I want it to be. I understand that you are all working on limited information, but with this guy he is the most uncontrolling and undominating person I have met, especially considering I spent 9 years being in a damaging and controlling relationship and feel I am able to recognise these traits and bolt in the other direction. I can see so much good in this person and the damage he is carrying and I HOPE he can deal with this himself, although he hasn't as yet so not sure that he will anytime soon. I did mention to him at one stage that maybe I'm just not the right person for him to which he replied I have all the qualities he wants in a partner, but he just won't let anyone in and no one really knows him. I think friendship is what I can offer him and I need to just find that spot which is good for me too and still have him in my life. I appreciate all feedback and comments.



  • Tickles maybe you just need to be there w/o the relationship benefits, help him get thru his mess and let him see a loyal supportive friend and then maybe it could blossom. I def believe all men appreciate a good loyal supportive woman but i truly believe in their eyes its almost too good to be true so they anticipate failures.



  • Thanks cutevirgin, I agree with your advice. Can't force a situation, so will be there to support him when I can. Who knows where it may lead and if not I will still have a great friend.



  • Sadly I have had to push this guy away as he was expecting to be able to still 'date' me without any communication or clear boundaries. Seems like his issues still need some work on his behalf and I need space to work on mine and move forward without him 😞 .............. 🙂


Log in to reply