Is it ever ok to have a relationship with your ex's best friend....

  • Well I guess I have really said it all in the topic name..... But I probably should add that his ex was my bestie too.....

    Is it ever ok??? Morally?? Spiritually??

  • No its not okay, if you were truly friends with someone you would never betray the Friendship, its hurtful and disrepectful,,There are plenty people out here have fun and find somebody eles..

  • Not okay!! To me,That's tantamount to being with my brother, yuck! Turn the tables, how would you feel if your bestie went with your ex?? not a good situation......please think about this.

  • spiritually, there is lesson to learn from everyone and everything

    your relationship is a physical plane, nothing to do with spiritual plane

    spiritually, no attachment to the physical is necessary

    only the lessons are important

    morally, it depends on the individuals. what do you view as morality?

    if he is your best friend, then it shouldn't be a surprise that you end up with him

    how your ex views it, though, is entirely his choice

  • Well - #1.) Are you ex and his best friend still best friends? #2.) There are a handful of "ex's" that would be okay with it. BUT personally - if they are still really good friends - do you really want to have a relationship with a guy who might get information about you easily from your ex or who might let something slip to your ex?

    I have a similar question that I would like to ask - what would be the social rules about having a relationship with someone your ex "knows" and calls a "friend" but who is not really a close friend - they just have mutual aquaintances. This girl at work wanted my advice on going out with someone who knows her husband from playing on a community softball team. I didn't see anything worng with it as long as he didn't discuss details with the team members, but who knows what he says? I didn't think it would be a good idea to go to the softball games - at least this year. But that seems kind of sneaky to me. I can tell you that there are some really mean people who will take a small thing and turn it into a big bad gigantic rumor which can really be humiliating.

  • hi! i had a lot of thoughts about the same question.

    i had a bf 5 years long and things started to get bad, but like really bad, to a point where i felt that whatever i/he/we do i cant turn it around. i was in the process of separating from him.

    meanwhile i fell for one of our mutual "friends" (aquaintance), for a guy who was with us in the same circle of friends.

    i knew it is wrong and i knew i should not and i tried to fight it, but after all i could not... we got together (after i separated from my bf) but still today, my ex does not know about all that went down. not cause im a coward, but cause i didnt wanna hurt him.

    i think it is easy to judge a situation, until you dont get into it. i felt that my heart is breaking for that guy, that we had such a connection that i cant let go and "just go and hope for something similar to come along".

    everyone knows it is not easy to find a fitting mate... and sometimes you cant act in a way that it is good and not hurtful to someone in the equation. but that is just my opinion...

    i think all in all, people should be more understanding with each other. love can be over and then the one who is still in love should respect that the person is not hers/his anymore and honeslty i know it feels terrible when someone says they dont love you anymore. but that is life and i know if a person is honest to me... i swallow it. i mean i will suffer and mourn what ive lost, but i wont make a misery out of him getting together with someone who i know or is a friend of mine.

    not pretty of course... i agree... but if you ever felt that feeling, that connection which just wipes you off your feet, would you really just let it go?

    of course, i would never get together with the ex of my real, close friends.

    dont know, it is a hard question in general and you always have to somehow see all angles of it.

  • Well I think we can't decide where love is going to come from and I don't think it is anyone else's right to tell us we are doing a morally right or wrong thing, I think everyone has different morals and you need to sort out yours and work from there, I think if we all spent our whole lives considering everyone else's morals then nothing would happen and everyone would have massive guilt complexes.

    My advice, I don't like the sound of it and it will hurt a few people but it is up to you. I guess it depends how old you are and what your hormones are up to. And people will always find something to criticise, no matter how you decide.

  • Well I am in my 30's, I don't speak to my ex good friend as she turned out to not be a friend at all..... He is still friends with my ex and we both find that uncomfortable and nothing has happened because of that factor.... But I can't help but wonder what would happen if something did happen... I am just not sure and can't speak to my friends about it as they all know the ppl involved and I really don't want to hurt anyone... Especially myself.....

  • If you are interested in this person because you have genuine feelings for them and they for you then, maybe but I get the feeling it's out of loneliness. Bad idea in my opinion. There are plenty of fish in the sea to provide you with company. Do you really want the headache and heartache that will come of this union?

  • I understand what you're saying

    personally if I break up with someone I can't be friends with him

    but I won't interfere in his life either

    his happiness is no longer my concern

    so he can practically date anyone he wants, including my friend

    I won't take it personally, but I will keep distance from my friend

    just because I don't want her sharing with him the things I share with her

    of course then some things will be shared LOL I can't take back what I already said in the past

    anyway it's your relationship, it's what you say and what he says

    have a good weekend !

  • Probably somewhere someone is doing fine with it but for you I must say I hear a very loud firm NO! An intuitive part of you already knows that. Mostly I advise people not to think negatively but I must say--every bad possibility you've imagined is very insightful. I don't think it's going to happen--any real attempt will derail quikely.

  • Thanks to all... I realised it on Saturday that I was in a no win situation and have told him as much... It was probably out of lonliness/revenge for him - stupidity and late at night for me.... haha... So I have said I don't want to be involved in this and am moving on..... Happy to remain friends but that is it...

    As there is too much to lose in the situation..... Especially my esteem....

    Thanks all!

  • Just wondering - what about if it's just someone your ex happens to know casually? (Or the other way around?)

  • I think a lot of this has to do with time separated too...I actually have a BFF who has had two of her previous BFF's end up married to her ex's. She is close friends with a girl, she breaks up with the boyfriend/husband and the BFF at the time ends up with the ex and married to them, relinquishing their friendship with her. She laughs about it now but at the time....I think it really hurt her. I know for a fact that I would never date one of her ex's only for this reason! However, having said that, time heals relationships and if you break up with someone and immediately date an ex or of friend of theirs, I think the hurt/betrayal factor is going to ring much louder than if you started dating someone that they had dated a year before and were pretty much healed from the relationship and have moved on.

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