I'm dealing with depression right now and I don't have any health insurance to even get help for it. It interferes with work so bad that i can't seem to keep up with anything. I'm at a job that most people around my area would die for and I cry everymorning and night before work. I cry before college and I don't know to do. I've tried talking to friends...but most of them are far away in schools, so when I do get to talk to them...it's only for a few moments. I feel so alone because I don't know what to do. I should be the happiest person in teh world right now, I have a job in this economy and I have a family that even though I'm 20 they let me stay in the house until i get my feet on the ground. I'm so lost and scared. I used to love to be alone with a book and now I can't stand it when I'm teh only person in a room or when everyone goes to bed before I do. I make sure I adjust my schedule before everyone goes to bed so I can go near the time they do. These feelings are messing so bad with my schoolwork and my work. I also can't do the things I love anymore because i just can't. I used to love drawing for hours and now I can't even think of anything to draw and when it comes to reading I throw the books down before the second chapter. The only way I can actually sleep at night is when I cry a bit. My mind is just so over run with so many things to think about. I keep thinking about the things that could happen and make unrealistic scenes happen in my head...i'm sorry if anyone is reading this and going 'oh god...here we go...' i'm sorry. But i think it's making me feel a bit better now i have somewhere to type it down.
Right away I get the feeling that your work was not your choice of endevor. You are not fullfilling yourself in the way of career choices. Who is pushing you to be in the tech world? You are an artist by heart, do you want to be a designer because I see how beautiful your work can be and the world is waiting for what you have to offer. You have thought about a school that would put you where you want to be, grants are available. College again the classes you are taking are making you aware that this is not what you want to do. That is why the depression has touched you at this time. You have to stand your ground with what you really want to do and go in that direction. You have the option of going to a health food store and getting some natural remdies to help you with sleeping and relaxing. Do yoga and meditation also. Talk to your guidence counsler at college and tell them what you are feeling and really want to do. Life is to short to be pushed into the wrong direction work wise, after all you are the one that will be doing the work. Your also feeling that it is time to grow up and this is a bit unnerveing to you, as you don't like being alone and away from your family. Pets are wonderful to have with you and also you will have a special someone that will make your motor start purring by the new year when you yourself are walking a new path to happiness.
I'd like to be a graphic designer. I just wish that I could've stayed stronger in my own beliefs. It's just that I never really wanted to go to school, but my father ranted and raved about how none of his kids are 'smart'. You're answer made me cry it's a good thing! i can't believe how on the dot you are about me. Yes, the job I got into because my mother said it will do me some good...i try to do what I want...but then I get static about things. Ever since I can remember I always wanted to be an artist and if that did'nt go through I'd like to be a hair dresser. But...my father and my grandmother pushed me out of everything saying that i would'nt amount to anything. To them...the only thing that makes money is people in the medical field. I can't do that. The medical feild takes people with more focus...the only thing I want to do is design and write! I have a kitty and his name is Moochi because he steals little things and hides them under my bed. hehe. I understand it's time for me to grow up and I want to get out of my house, but so far the economy is'nt good enough yet. But thank you, your reply was such a wake-up! Maybe I might apply my design skills to web designing...and just have a whole triple threat going...and maybe I might transfer schools! The job is something that will supplement me through the times I need things. I have to deal with it for awhile longer. Thank you Shuabby...thank you so much and if I could...i'd hug you!