PLEASE HELP! Is my cancer man not interested anymore??
MsSunny: I don't feel I made a mistake by asking to talk. I needed some type of answer out of him (closure if you will) even though he could not come out and say how he feels, and we hung up with me still having questions, but overall, I feel ALOT better, and more at peace to move on with my life. 1) Because I did pick up on the "wants to be friends vibe"..it just took me a while to process out conversation and his responses to me. 2) I can now move on with out such heave shoulders, as wierd as it sounds. Im very aware now that I had my own time lastnight to process things, that he was trying to be as nice as he could by "walking sideways" saying "he just isnt sure how he feels"..I think he just didnt want to intentionally hurt me, because he does care about me, but as a person and I get that. Im better knowing that than being left hanging with all sorts of questions in my mind. I do not do well with that at all. I can now move on with my life, with a much more lighter feeling about me. Does any of that make any sense to you ? I hope, because i know when someone is playing head games with me (most times) it usually doesnt take very long for me to figure it out. But, Im well aware now, that is what he is doing. But its ok, because Im much stronger now, than I was last week, so, Im ready to move on with out him. I am a good person with a good heart and good intentions towards people, and he knows that. So, its HIS loss ! And when Im ready, I will get back out there (emotionally) and meet new people and start dating again, but right now, Im focusing on work, my kids, and other things (besides HIM) which is a good feeling, a feeling I haven't felt in a couple weeks. Thank you though for your thoughts, Its much appreciated. Also to PISCESSTAR AND LUAZINHA...
You are lucky that he even spoke to you and wants to be friends.
If I got that from mine, It would have been much easy to let go there and then, rather than go through all the head games etc..........
Not knowing what I did wrong to him , (if I did), now it really doesn't matter.
Don't be hard on yourself, cry if you need to in getting over him.
The healing does get so much better as each day passes.
All this has been a learning experience for me and has made me much wiser.
I am not angry at my cancer man, very hurt at first, but I have reached a point of calmness now, I am ready to move on, I need a break from relationships, and really going to use this time for me and my girls.
I will most definately trust my gut next time, if it does't feel right, let it go.
Also great advice from a psychic I saw 2 years ago, (she passed away recently), she said, "WHEN A MAN TALKS, LISTEN".
Be good to yourself and all that energy you put into him, now its time to put into you!
Big hug to you!
Piscesstar: You are exactley right in all that you said...thank you One of the first things he said to me was " you did nothing wrong".....he did seem very confused, like he said. Also that on one hand he wants to let me go basicly, and on the other he dont. It did hurt when he said he is just confused and doesn't know how he feels. Again, I would rather be told the truth anyday, even if it hurts like h***, than be lied to, or let on, OR even walk away not knowing anything. I respect him for being as honest as he "could be" with me. It also was good to know he cared enough to get talk to me and tell me what he could. He said "im not sure where this leaves us"...but its OK, I am glad I learned from him what I did. It was enough for me to now know, I can let go with peace inside of myself. You are spot on, when you say "I need a break from relationships" because that is exactley how I feel right now to. But will take all this knowledge to the next one I think I also learned here that when there are such STRONG emotions involved, that I had a hard time sorting out my instincts from the emotions. Again, when something doesn't seem right or feel right, it's NOT ! But with every relationship, I guess it is a learning experience to get you to the "right" one With your guy, I REALLY dont think you did anything wrong at all. It's them NOT appreciating what they have found, and not wanting it. Someday, they will realize, what a good thing they let go. I believe that with all my heart.
monte12, I agree with you again!!
Honesty is very important to me, like you said even it it hurts, it's better to have the truth out into the open. I was up front about this with cancer man, i said no games, just honesty and he agreed.
If you can, start reading anything positive on getting your power back, there are some good web sites about this, or go to the library or book store
Start a journal, write your feelings or anything that you are feeling now. I have been doing this since I have been going through this, it does really help.
Just stay busy.
It will get better.
Piscesstar: Do you have any particular websites in mind ? I would like to read more about this, because I know it would help .Maybe not with him, but in the future. I am keeping as busy as possible to..lol I have been working 6 days a week (instead of 5) for the past 2 weeks. It also helps, keeps me from dwelling, like scorps are SUPER good at.. lol Thats what gets us in an emotional bind. Thanks for listening It also helps...
On this site look up the topic "what do you really want". I really like what I read from that.
Have you seen or read THE SECRET?
The Law of Attraction by Michael J Losier. Someone gave me his disc's and I listen to them when I go to bed at night.
Meditation discs also help.
Google things like break ups, letting go anything that comes to your mind.
Did you get the books Why Men Love BIT*** and Why Men Marry BiT****. These are great reads for future relationships.
We are water signs, we do dwell, just make an effort to get through and you will.
It takes time, just get it out of your system which ever way is comfortable to you.
I have been taking vitamins and getting as much sunshine as I can. If the weather is good, just go outdoors.
Do you have some good friends you can talk to?
Anytime you need to vent, just come on here, I will check up on you.
The journal thing is very important.
Think about BLmoon do a reading for you, she helped me big time.
As always, we are going to be okay............
Hope some of this helps.
@ Monte12 - Im glad you finally got some type of closure ! Now your mind is clear and you won't be wondering all the time " Like me" ( Maybe I should try to open up communication again with my crab, But I have a strong feeling he wont answer the phone ) Once again congrats !!!
Piscesstar: Thank you for the info...I did start searching stuff online and also found that book you stated earlier for me to get "Sun Sign Personality Guide". I actually found it on ebay for $2.00..lol...just got it today Cant wait to read about my own sign, LOL Thanks again for the advice, and hope you are doing well.
Kaplow: Im glad I finally got some kind of closure. Although, the conversation made me feel alot better, I still can't help but to try to understand "why" is/was he so confused. I can still hear him saying through out the whole conversation "i dont know, i just dont know". He was trying desperately to give me an answer, but couldnt explain why he is just so d*** confused. I could literally hear the confusion and frustration (very subtle) in his voice. It was almost as if he was talking to himself. I know I sound crazy!! On one hand I think he was trying to tell me in a less hurtful way he wants to be friends, OR he has feelings for me and is trying to figure out how strong they might be and might be testing me to see if I will just walk away or show him how much I care so then he knows if things get rough one day, I will stick around to work it out...So, Im kind of still unsure about some things, he is so confused he has me confused..lol But, overall, I am better if that makes any sense? Im glad he cared enough about me at least as a person and my feelings to talk to me and tell me what he could. It helped immensely.
When it comes to your cancer guy, do what you "feel" you need to do. If you feel you need to let it be, then let it be. If you feel you would like closure, then go for it. You never know till you try right? And if he doesnt respond, then you know what kind of person you are dealing with. Thats what i told myself anyways and that it would have been enough for me to know to forget about him period, because it would of told me exactley what kind of man i was dealing with, and it wouldnt be nice Good luck with whatever decision you make.....i know its hard, believe me !!
"On one hand I think he was trying to tell me in a less hurtful way he wants to be friends, OR he has feelings for me and is trying to figure out how strong they might be and might be testing me to see if I will just walk away or show him how much I care so then he knows if things get rough one day, I will stick around to work it out..."
remember... you broke up with him when he was low. He had explained to you that he was overwhelmed and needed time to figure things out. This was a test. You already walked away when things got rough so how can he possibly trust you won't do it again.
Do what you're doing. Leave him alone and work on yourself. Learn about your sign and how YOU operate. If you still have feelings for him, learn more about his sign and see if you can ride the roller coaster with him. Then you will be doing it because you want to, not because you think it might 'keep' him.
Give it time... apart. If a Cancer truly cares for you, those feelings will not go away quickly. They want to know if your feelings for them will stand the test of time and visa versa.
Good luck to you!
@Monte12 - I completely understand what your saying. Our stories are so similar. I think im gonna give him a call this weekend. I atleast wanna save the friendship if anything ( weve known each other since age 8 ) I know deep down inside the reason I have not received a responce is because I called him out him about something he did wrong . Lately ive been reading that cancer guys dont like to be told when they have done something wrong. He's probably more embarrised if anything. So im gonna put my pride to the side and give him a call . Wish me luck ......
Monte, I'm glad you called him and you two had a chance to talk and clear the air. If anything comes out of it, at the least you two can eventually become friends and share a genuine affection for one another (without the pretense or pressures of a relationship). I'm glad to hear things are looking up for you! I agree with shellshocker in keep doing what you're doing, which is working on you.
Kaplow, I'm sorry to hear about your frustrations with your childhood friend. That's probably what hurts the most - feeling that he doesn't value your friendship of so many years - and naturally. I would be hurt too. I can't advise you to call or not call your friend, but to do what's best for you. If closure is what you're seeking, and you feel that by talking to him you will get this, then call. It's a tough call though. Sometimes when we want things to go our way, they don't, and we're left even more disappointed and hurt. It is then that we must look at our own motives. I would hate to see you hurt even more if he does not give you the response you're looking for, or worst - blows you off again bc he's still not ready to talk about things (he could still be processing them himself after all). I read your other post, so I feel a bit caught up on things between you two, but I don't want to be presumptuous. If his mom is badgering you by trying to play matchmaker, I can only imagine her badgering him even more - he could be reacting to his mom by avoiding you in hopes of avoiding her. I don't know if that makes sense, but basically his reaction of hiding out and avoiding you could be coming from a place of simply not knowing what to do, or how to be, when he's feeling pressured to couple up because your families and friends keep trying to push you two together. I don't think a romance would feel natural or "right" when everyone else keeps trying to control it and push you two together. And I would wonder, if he suddenly confessed his feelings for you and sought a relationship - would you question if it was him or his mom speaking? These might be things going through his head, but I don't know, and chances are he doesn't either - which is probably why he's hiding out. I don't think he means/meant to hurt you, but I don't think he knows what to do either, so he's chosen to avoid it until he gets a better grasp on things himself.
If you do decide to call, make sure you are coming from a strong place within yourself, and your call is to offer the olive branch of friendship, so to speak, and he will probably be more receptive (and will probably feel a much appreciated release of pressure). Cancer men can sense ulterior motives like no other, so make sure you truly know yours first. I would try and make this call friendly and light in tone so that he doesn't feel defensive. Otherwise you'll just scare him back into his shell again, and for who knows how long then. I feel for ya, hun, it's a tough spot to be in, especially with so much history between you two. You have our support, hugs!
shellshocker, welcome back! We enjoy your male cancer insight so don't be a stranger.
@ Solarity - Thank you for your wonderful words of advice. Reading your response open my eyes to how he must be feeling. I really don't have a premeditaited motive . I just want us to be at least on speaking terms with each other. I mean at this point a relationship is the last thing im thinking about. We need to work on healing our friendship. I value our friendship more than anything plus with the hoildays coming up I don't want there to be any uneccesary tention between us ( especially when were around the family ) If I call and he does not answer I would be so heartbroken. I have'nt even begun to heal from the last incident. You know as Im writing this im wondering is he racking his brain about this as much as iam. Once again thank you for the advice. Thanks for all the support . I really need it ( I can't talk to anyone else about him because know one knows whats going on, plus he's been the hot topic for the last month )
I would suggest waiting to call him until you're stronger, Kaplow. Heal first, and then you can talk objectively, rather than coming from a place of hurt. "If I call and he does not answer I would be so heartbroken. I have'nt even begun to heal from the last incident. You know as Im writing this im wondering is he racking his brain about this as much as i am." He is probably thinking about it, but differently than you. Most likely, he doesn't know what to say, so he is keeping quiet, probably trying to stay busy...just as you need to do also - stay busy.
Buy a journal and write in it. Cry it out if you need to at night. But in the morning you need to get strong and busy yourself - join a gym, join clubs/organizations that interest you or take a class, do things you've always wanted to do but never got around to doing, grab your friends and go out for drinks, take on a new hobby...it doesn't matter what you do to fill your time up, but you need some healthy distractions that will help you to regain your confidence. And don't be afraid to ask your friends and family to stop rubbing him in your face. They probably don't realize they're doing it, and won't until you let them know. Use humor if you have to, or just be blunt about it. But I bet if they knew that they were doing more harm than good to you right now they'd feel awful about you keeping this front up by yourself. They're probably thinking that they need to keep bringing him up because you're being aloof about it. Confide in a friend that you two almost had something but it's confusing now, and until you two figure it out you'd appreciate if they stop bringing him up to you. Trust your friends, or pick one or two, that's what they're for after all. And in the meantime, you've got here to come to when you need an outside boost.
Contacting him took a lot of courage Monte. It shows a lot of character because you were being genuine and real by not playing games or pretending to be disinterested.
He has guarded his heart for 22 years so he has been very cautious, more so than if he had never experienced a divorce or breakup of what he considers a family unit. He would consider it a failure on his part. Has he told you much about his marriage/divorce? He has been single for 22 years so should he even think about taking another step forward with someone or is the status quo acceptable? Every relationship starts out with a big bang but there comes a point in time, whether it’s 2 months or 6 months, where it’s a make or break. He doesn’t know because that feeling of euphoria at the beginning of any relationship is not always real. Cancer men are considered the heartbreakers of the zodiac; they get carried away by their emotions and make a woman feel like they’re on top of the world and then they pull back and says uh oh, what is it I’m feeling? He needs to figure it. Live your life and enjoy the friendship.
@ Solarity- Last night as I was thinking about the whole situation , I decided to hold off on calling him. The good thing is that I actually start a class on Oct 11, so ill be super busy !. The first week of Nov I am going back to another Football game at his school. I have a pretty strong feeling that we gonna run into each other , that way we'll both be forced to talk to each other ( hopefully ) By then I should be able to talk to him with a clear head. And he'll be ready to talk as well. I wont give up hope on us . I believe after this test our friendship will be stronger than before. I do have one good friend that I do talk to about this. She was the one that was with me when the incident happened. She is the only one who knows. She also has faith that we will work things out . As far as everyone else is concerned , there all on the match maker kick !!! Once this class starts I wont have time to socialize with them that much anyway. Iam so glad I have a place where I can come and vent ! Iam a only child ( and so is he ! ) so I really tend to stay to myself and I dont have alot of girlfriends. Solarity thanks so much for your uplifting boost of confidence! I really do appreciate everything everyone on this thread has written.
** Lots of hugs ***
Ps. Also a special thanks to Monte12 for letting me vent on your thread !!!
Thank you to everyone also for all your thoughts and great words of advice. You all have REALLY helped me in many ways through this, and understand things I never even thought about. I am also glad I called him and that he talked to me. It really really helped settle my wild imagination and up and down emotions. I found a place that is more peaceful in my life now. I will move on and take all I have learned into the next chapter of my life.
Shellshocker: a BIG thanks to you too! It was very helpful to hear a cancerian mans point of view. Funny you said about learning about my sign, because I read up on it, and it explains me to a T. Kinda scary..I also read about cancerian..which explains him a little better to me as well. I am and will take your advice. it was MUCH appreciated, thanks and glad you peaked back in on here too
Aquabubbles: In respects to his marriage of 22 years old. I really did not ask any questions, I let him talk as he wanted to, with that being said, he really didnt say very much. I know he was only married for about 2 years, if that helps. I also know it wasnt a happy place for him to be. I have been divorced for 14 years, so, it's been a long time for me to. Thank you for you honesty and kind words as well. Your right, i called him with the deepest of sincerety, no games intended. I would like to be able to remain friends with him, and continue with my life. I have a feeling though, if we would talk via phone, it will be on me to call him. So, not sure where this all will leave us now.
Kaplow: Im glad you vented on my thread, as you call it, lol..If it helped you, then im glad. I know what its like to be hurting and wonder what is going, so thats fine with me I wish you the best of luck as well. Im sure that when you and your cancerian friend talk for the first time, it will work out. You have been a part of each others lives for too long.
Just popping in and letting you guys know I'm still reading it. It's kind of like a soap; I have to get caught up on the stories! I'm glad to see things are looking up for some of you, and amazed at the support everyone is showing each other. Definitely learning a lot more about Cancers (or, an aspect of Cancers) than I previously knew.
Solarity: I wanted to ask you "How was the concert ??? "" Curious to see how things worked out for you
Monte: The concert went quite well, thanks for asking. I feel like I've reached a place within myself that I don't have any expectations with him, other than friendship - and that feels really good. The concert on Monday night confirmed that for me. Although it was interesting because there were many moments where he was unusually sweet (he's usually mister tough guy) to me, and it seemed the more I didn't respond as affectionately as he, the more he tried to be affectionate. I think that's typical though, so I'm not reading into anything. Or hoping for things to change between us. I like them the way they are now. It's rare to have such a smooth transition to friendship, and I'm thankful for the way things turned out. We still have our physical attractions to one another, but I don't think he could give me what I need in a romantic relationship right now (and vice versa - but mostly because all he needs is his video games, WoW, and beer it seems) - and honestly, I also don't have time for romantic distractions right now. I've stacked myself up so much with work-related commitments and young professionals groups that I don't have time to wonder what he's up to anymore (I barely have my own down time, ack!), and I think that's mostly what's helped keep me focused on me rather than him. And, of course, you ALL have also helped tremendously, so thank you ALL so much! It sounds like you're in a similar spot of finding your inner peace and keeping busy with your kids, Monte, and that means more than any guy.
Kaplow: It sounds like next week begins the busy-ness you need, congratulations! I think you're right about this hiccup in your friendship making you both stronger friends in the long run, especially once you both talk about it, without current emotions in the way. I think your decision to wait until then is a good one. And if you have any urges to call before then just come vent them out here, and we'll be here for you. It's funny how this has become a cancer men support group lol. Boys, I should say.
Welcome back Tooralooryeaye! We want your updates too! (I'll have to go check your other strand now to see if you posted about your cancer guy friend there)
I'm headed back to Chicago for a visit next weekend, so I'll fill you all in if there are any juicy updates in the meantime, and please do the same! Out of curiosity, where does everyone live? I'm in Tampa, FL, and the weather just turned gorgeous so I'm trying to get outside and enjoy it as much as possible. Hugs girls and guy!
Solarity: Thats great ! Im glad things went well, and you are fine with the outcome. You'r right, this has turned out to be "quite the cancer men (boys, lol )support group"..lol Im so glad I found this and had all of you It is always good to hear other peoples experience that relates (in some way) to your own. All of you were my strength, I swear. I will definately post any new updates, if there are any It seems like most of us found some kind of peace in our lives in the past few weeks...I hope it stays that way....Solarity, you are in Florida ?...ahhh, must be nice
Im in PA... It has been COLD and rainy for days, but today the sun is finally shining that also helps keep your spirit up I will check back in on everyone...hopefully if any updates are posted, they are good ones...