Will my crabby Cancer come crawling back?
By the way I got the tarot card 'Four of Cups' which totally goes with the situation!! Could explain some Cancers right now... read about it!
I find most men, doesn't matter their sign, don't want to commit to one woman. Most have been hurt by another woman and, we good ones seem to pay the price for HER wrong doing. I am a Scorpio that is dating a Cancer currently but, I've dated most of the other signs over time. A few have been one date and, the hurt and anger and trunks of emotions left from the last woman, made me KNOW, there was no way of getting close to him. My Cancer isn't withdrawn from the world, But, he has an ex-wife. He just recently mentioned her, mainly cause his daughter will be graduating this year and ex called. I don't know how long they've been divorce but, I figure more then 10 years. he's dated a lot and realizes women are nuts!! He's been stood up a few times and he's a handsome man. He stood me up once recently because SOMEONE else , made him feel bad, just minutes before he was to come get me so, he cancels with me too!! I sent him repeated text messages that were pretty heated, I didn't curse,I let him know how I felt. I was getting ready to send a text telling him that if that persons presence was more important to him emotionally tonight, then mine, then he should persue that person and, that I was done. I didn't get to send the last text because he called me and apologized for how he made me feel and asked if he could come get me. It was 12:44 on a Monday night. I was on Fremont Street ( I live in Las Vegas NV) he doesn't like me out at night. he let me vent ( I have my moods too) about the things that were bothering me at my home( that's what really had put me in a mood and I wanted to get out and he KNEW it) We get to his house, I sit on the couch, ready to watch something on the big screen and, he turns it off, tells me to come in his room, he climbs into bed, turns off the light and tells me "goodnite" I was very surprised but, I undressed, showered and got into bed and he cuddled with me all night.
What I have noticed is that he enjoys me telling him everything, even if he doesn't make a comment about it at the time> I don't really ask questions because the answer is usually a question 'why?" sometimes thats the answer I want, so I can make a smart alick reply!! He does seem to share more because I've shared a lot with him. I don't play games with him or try to figure if what I do is going to make him think I have a motive. He's my friend first and, I respect him enough to be honest with how I feel and what I want. I do text him in the mornings sometimes or, at night, before I go to bed. He works 15 hours somedays, 6days a week and 3 of those days , its in another city. I'm patient about that but, I'm not patient when he doesn't feel I'm important enough to spend time with on his off day. I've almost written him off a few times but, he seems to know when he better come around and pay attention to me, I even point blank texted him "should I start dating other guys?" he texted back, he didn't think about something before he did it without me and,"do what makes me happy" later he texted me to ask if we could have dinner together on his dinner break. Moments before, I had wiped out his phone number and name from my phone. I said yes, we can have dinner, I didn't bring it up but, he guessed I had wiped out his number from my phone, I laughed and smiled and changed the subject. he laughed and ate some of the meat out of my salad! Since then, he's been pretty attentive. I like it! I could be with some other guy right now, if I wanted but, I don't. Even though Me and Cancer have a clash of wills sometimes it's because we are learning each other. he's realizing I love spending time with him, no matter if I'm just sitting on the floor of his office, at his home reading while he does reports for his job. This Cancer has a nice house, even down to the carpet, I always take off my shoes cause I like the feel of it on my feet and to help keep the carpet clean ( I'm a Scorpio, I like clean!) Oh and cookies are ALWAYS a good thing. guys like comfort foods too!
Just a little update:
I saw a psychic last week and confirmed some things I had been feeling. She suggested I go on walks and reconnect with nature. That helps ALOT! So since Spring is coming around, I strongly suggest doing that! Since seeing the psychic- I've had no desire to 'visit' at work or his house. I had gotten really upset on Friday because they were opening a 2nd branch of his restaurant and having a big party. I was out of town, but a small part of me wanted a text from him telling me to come out, but I knew that wouldn't happen. So I cried a little and prayed that night. I had a dream that I was talking to his best friend when we were out, my Cancer seemed flighty and kept leaving us 'to go do things he needs to do'. As I would talk to his friend I kept eyeing my Cancer until I finally asked "What's up with him?". He replied, "He keeps doing that, because you keep paying attention to him". So I said "fine" and got up and left, totally turning the cheek to him...then (as if a little time lapsed) I was walking up a flight of stairs and he was at the top waiting for me.
Yah....I find I make progress when I either stop trying, or emit an aura of not giving a crap. He seems to pick up on it right away, lol. But also because things just seem to work out when you don't try. Go figure.
I think reconnecting with nature is good because it gives you a nice, positive attitude. And that is always key with getting what you want. Its just really freakin hard to do when your boy is driving you banana's.
Hi girls and guys,
I'm guessing by some of your posts that most of you are in the USA whereas I am UK based but seem to be having the same problem with a Cancerian man! It's very interesting that the same traits keep on coming up. Not sure if any of you can make any sense out of whats happened with my ex but it's 'doing my head in' as they say where I live! I've known my ex partner for 5 yrs now - we dated for 18ths from July 2004 and then in February 2006 he ended it - very badly, over the phone and with no warning at all. I was devastated to say the least. However I did recover and then suddenly heard from him one Saturday, saying he would be in a local pub if I wanted to talk. I should say that he had resisted all my attempts to contact him previously to this. Anyway to cut a very long (and now quite boring!) story short, we ended up back together and it was better 2nd time around. Then last October 2008, completely out of the blue, he suffered a heart attack - a warning the doctors said. I took the call from him, rang 999 and he was taken to hospital. He then came to stay with me for 10 days afterwards (we still have our own houses) and then 6wks after the heart attack he lost his Dad. I was at his side every step of the way. We had a lovely Christmas (well as nice as it could be given the previous 2mths) and then beginning of February he walked out again. He, once again, refuses to speak to me but has recently met up with one of my 'girlfriends' who knows quite a bit about me and whom I thought I could trust. The very odd thing is, all my 'own' friends are 'spitting feathers' on my behalf whereas our 'mutual' friends seem to think it's ok for him to treat me this was after all that I done for him. I am trying very hard not to be hurt, betrayed, upset....... Not quite sure why this particular friend decided that she would met him..... A close male friend who I know I can trust smells a very large rat. Any idea's guys and girls? Is this really how Cancerian men behave? He told the 'friend' that apparently I put him under too much pressure...... I don't think he know the meaning of the word - the only pressure I did put on him was the night he could have bleed to death in the hospital and I had to put my elbow in his groin to stem the flow of blood. Would be very interested to hear any ideas, suggestions etc! Many thanks, londonlass54
Hiya! I'm from London too!! I agree with your close male friend -and I would personally give your "lover" a wide berth from now on and concentrate on you. That other "girl friend" of yours may have designs on your lover...and to be honest if that's the way he behaves then I think she's welcome to him! You have every right to feel hurt and betrayed - you deserve to be treated a lot better - especially over his period of illness. My advice would be to draw a permanent line under this relationship...you sound as though you've got a good network of friends,enjoy their company and find yourself again! Lots of luck.
Hi, I have not had a lot of experience with cancer men, but I have a cancer daughter. She is so hard on hersel,f always striving for excellence. She is very successful and is very, very, very, devoted to her love, I know they will eventually marry. She will be 22 this and her love will be 26. Cancer woman are big planners, they need structure and trust in thier lives. Now onto the biggest issue with cancer's, moodiness, my daughter is one of the moodiest people I have ever known and to top it off she retreats when she is a downward spiral, and I have to pull it out of her to find out what the problem is. Fortunately, her love is wonderful with her and very nurturing and understanding, that is exactly what cancer's need. People have a tendancy to think the worst when the people they love retreat. I can tell you first hand, when cancer's retreat it almost 100% of the time has nothing to do with another person. Cancer's are very deep people, but they are introverted and very hard to read.
If you choose to have a cancer as a love in your life you must always be prepared to give them space when they need it. They will always come back. It takes high self esteem to make it work with a cancer. If you can find a way to deal with all their moods you will experience the best love in your life.
myviewpoint, you took the words right out of my mouth. I am a cancer female and while I can be very out going at times and as flighty as I may seem to others sometimes. I am very serious about what I am passionate for. A strong cancer does need to have space I think that is why my husband and I get along so well together because some of the things that might break up a marriage for people actually seem to strengthen ours. We have been together for 11 years married for 6 this May. Though we tease that the count is wrong because he is in the military and goes away for sometimes months at a time. This does not bother me and when asked if I worry about him I say yes for his safety as anyone would. But some don't seem to get that I don't worry about him meeting someone else or even just hooking up with a one night stand. I trust him and why shouldn't I he has never done anything to break that trust. and even though there are times when I dearly miss him while he is gone I do enjoy the independents that him not being here all the time brings. Just as much as I enjoy the time that we do get to spend together.
My advice for anyone entering into a romantic relationship with a cancer male or female is take it slow. Remember we may be hard on the outside but we're all mush on the inside. Most of us value a good friendship above anything else. Be patient as it is a virtue and if you can wait it out your cancer will give you the world and be there for you through thick and thin no matter what. Above all space is the key to our happiness we can love being around people just as much as we love our down time as this is when we think and process all the emotions to all the moods we have. I truly believe that most people seem to think cancarians are a lot more complex then we really are. including some cancers themselves. But usually we can be quite strait forward people who have little time to play games. Its just easier sometimes for us to retreat then to try and explain our complex emotions to others. But don't worry eventually if we like you and see that you are a trust worthy person we will come back to you and usually more vibrant then before. So don't take our retreat as a sign of we don't love you or don't like you. Because believe me if a cancer doesn't want anything to do with you he or she will most likely come right out and tell you.
Dear rnrchick, Myviewpoint + purplemaeve,
Thank you so much for your replies, advice and suggestions. Just wish I knew why it all had to be soooo difficult! I know he has always needed his space - this apparently was a major problem in his previous marriage, his ex never gave him any space. Hence why we had not moved in together and in actual fact, I only ever saw him at weekends due to the fact he works shifts. Now, I have to say, I am wondering whether this was more likely because he has been seeing somone else - either this lovely 'friend' who I am getting more suspicious of by the day, or maybe someone at work. Who knows - though how his marriage lasted 24yrs is beyond me. I forgot to mention that he'd been married twice before so I guess that should have told me something. As for putting him under this 'infamous' pressure (although whether that was his words or my 'friend's) he wouldn't even look at my wall socket that had began to spark (and he is an electrician after all) - just suggested I should get someone in! I just wish I knew why he won't even speak to me - we did manage to speak 3 times the 2nd week as he'd sent my keys back and they hadn't arrived but then that following weekend, he withdrew completely. It is all very odd and seems to be getting 'odder' as the weeks go on. Obviously not helped by this 'friend' who has her own lover and had spent 7mths moaning at him till he bought her a ring. Can people really be that devious if she has been seeing my ex? I have been told by a few people that Cancerians always come back but also that he has a jealous streak too and if I do meet someone else, thats when I'll hear from him. I'm a Virgo and am finding it all very difficult to handle. Had my tarot cards read the other week and that was very interesting as the clairvoyant saw marriage as a definite possibility!
Blessings to you all,
If you can stand just one more comment on Cancers. Like you I am born on June 14th, and like you am seeing a Cancer man. Something went "Wow" in my head the first time I talked to him, and I just knew he was the one for me. That was soon 4 years ago. It has been a long slow process, but we are now beautifully close in our hearts. We started much like you and yours, got together, had the hots for each other (didn't get to do anything about it but boy did we flirt with each other) and then he went into his little crab cave and hid from me. It turned out I was the first woman he had even tried to be close to in 5 years since his last girlfriend dumped him.
I knew none of this then. All I knew was we had a potential and he cut it off at the knees for no particular reason. I backed off, but first I let him know he had hurt my feelings deeply because here I thought I had found (at the very least) a friend that could relate to and with me. I said that it hurt that he thought he could not keep it as friends. Soon after that I got let go at my job, and I e mailed him to say I needed a friend to talk to and hoped he would listen. I said that even though we had known each other a short time I felt safe around him and as if I could open up. I said I needed to open up to someone that cares about what I am saying.
He did. Cancer needs to be needed. They can summon up all kinds of courage when they are needed. (I did not know this at the time) So he forgot his fear of me (I was someone that could hurt him really badly if I wanted to, that was how attracted to me he was.) He let me talk, vent, cry and blow my nose. He spoke encouraging words and made me laugh. I told him I loved the fact that he could make me laugh even though I was so upset. I thanked him for taking the time to see me, that it meant a lot to me and it had helped. I went home and didn't expect to hear from him again really.
Well the next day I got a call to see how I was, and asked to attend a "music-in-the-park" kind of thing he loves going to. I accepted and that whole first year, we flirted but I kept it light and friendly and playful. I was just enjoying being with him so darn much. I always felt on top of the world when I knew I would see him, and for days after our "non-dates" were over. I reassured him that I appreciated his kindness and generosity, that this friendship had come to mean so much to me that I didn't want to loose the friendship ever, especially if taking the flirting further meant that he would back off from me. He escalated his flirting and innuendo. (now, I have to add here that in that first year he would get moody all of a sudden and push me away emotionally. I would let him be, and go on about my life. Perhaps send him a thinking of you card, or an e mail about something funny I knew he would appreciate, but I didn't do more than let him know I was there, when he was ready to come out of his cave and play again. And he would, and he would be all fired up to see me and we would grow a little closer then we were before. At first his actions floored me, I understand logic, and he was all emotions! The way he was with me one minuet and different the next some days just didn't make any sense. BUT...something, a still quiet voice in my mind kept telling me to "be patient", "be there for him", It was like he was a child, happy to see me but scared I would hurt him, and when he got too happy with me was when he got the most scared. And, I gotta tell you, NOT letting things get physical was the HARDEST thing I had ever made myself do. I so wanted him. I just knew he would be a fantastic lover, I just knew it as if I had made love to him before in another life.
Well, about a year into our platonic relationship it came up that I had won a trip out of town to a fancy dress ball. I asked him to come with me and told him I was not expecting any thing from him other than to be my escort to this thing. That he could share the room I won, and that I would be happy to sleep on the sofa. (It was a suite in a swank hotel) He was fine with that, and when we got to the room he was a gentleman and told me to take the bedroom. We dressed for the ball, went out and had a fabulous time. We came back and there flowers in the room and chilled champagne, and an exotic cheese plate and chocolate covered strawberries. I thought it was from the contest, till I read the card on the flowers. It said "I'd love to lay beside you and gaze into your eyes all night long if you would let me." I just looked at him and he led me to the bedroom where the bed was covered in rose petals and candles were lit! It was THE most romantic thing I had ever had happen to me, and as I fell into his arms and we kissed, I knew I had been patient for the right man. (he later told me he did all of this when I thought he was getting the ice bucket filled, that he made a mad dash down to the concierge and had it all arranged to be ready when we got back)
I have to add here, it was not all sunshine and flowers after that night (however, I was right knowing he would be an amazing and caring lover) He had his moody days that I didn't understand but let him have without question. I tell him I understand that this is just the way he is, and that he is always to be who he is. I have noticed that the moodiness lasts less and less periods of time as we grow in our relationship. He and I have our own places, and that works for us now. Down the road we may live together, but not until I know he trusts me completely. He still feels that this is too good to be true. I know because after all this time he said to me just a few weeks ago. "I know you won't understand this, but you aren't just out to get what you need from me and just leave are you? Your not that kind of person right?"
Wow, my first instinct was to be mad and come back with "You don't know a thing about who I am do you!" But again, that voice said, just let him talk, and then tell him that he is the only one you want, and then prove it by sticking around for the rest of your lives.
And I was right, see we talked that night, and he finally expressed his fears of my leaving him, that he wasn't enough for me because he never was enough for any woman before me. He told me he pulls away because he gets ready for me to dump him, and then it never happens and he feels happy and safe again, only to be even more afraid of loosing me.
To conclude, read everything you can about Cancer men. (No offence, but Cancer women are a little different than Cancer men to all you Cancer ladies out there) Read about it on this site, buy the reports, they are excellent here. Go to other sites and read some of the free reports there. Go to the library and read the books, find out everything you can about this moody breed. They love to love, love to be needed, love to do things for you, to you and with you. They would love to be able to go beneath your skin with you in order to be a little bit closer if they could. If they make love to you, they have you with them forever, even if you leave them. Mine still talks about his ex's, not as much any more but from time to time. He still can't believe that I don't care if he keeps pictures of them. I don't care, they were a part of his life once, who am I to say get rid of them and never think of them. It is because of them that I have this fantastic man!
I hope you will tell us all in the future how it works out for you two. I hope you have one of the best love stories ever known. Be positive in your thoughts of he and you, don't let doubt creep in as it can destroy the positive energy you need to bring him into your circle. Listen to your quiet voice about what you need to do with and for him. Let him know his friendship (which is him) is the most important thing to you and that you miss laughing and talking with him. Go to his restaurant with a girlfriend soon, compliment him on the food you were served, the service, the clean ladies room, all of it. This is part of him, he wants you to know what he is all about, he just can't tell you himself. Don't be shy if you see him, smile your "I am so happy to see you" smile. If you see him out, talk to him, and if you feel you must run away because you feel awkward, call, e mail or write to him and tell him why you left in a hurry. Tell him you dont' want him to think your stalking him but that it sure was good to see him there. Use our Greatest asset as a Gemini and charm, charm, charm, him. You are wonderful with words, I can see that in your postings, use them, they are soothing comforting things to a Cancer almost like music. Stroke his ego when you can truthfully, he has been crushed by a woman, and only a woman will make him feel worth while again.
I agree, keep your self busy, and dating, but let him know none of them measure up to the enjoyment you had with him (if it is true) You can't be all in Cancers face, but you must let them know how wonderful they make you feel.
again, good luck...sorry this was long and rambling.
That was truly beautiful Air Twin! God bless you for that.
hah Don't worry AirTwin, all your words had merit. It's amzing- although their actions may be mean, it's like we see their intention behind it isn't to be mean. Yea I am TOTALLY reading everything I can about them- it's almost an addiction right now lol. Other men seem so bland to me now. And like you, I noticed those 'Cancer ways' before I investigated things about Cancers. Like one time I suprised him at his restaurant with my friend, he had to run home to work on his house so he was leaving work early. I got a wine and my friend got food and wine, but this time he didn't pay for us which usually he does. I could tell he was testing me, because he doesn't want to be taken advantage of- so I didn't really mind, it was a chance to prove myself. It's so weird how that voice is telling us to 'be patient', because that is SOOOO NOT GEMINI! lol I got a gift certificate to his restaurant and wondering maybe I should give it to family friends to go b/c I don't know if I should just 'show up', b/c that's a little too direct.
Also another little quirk: I absolutley LOVE his chest hair! It's so sexy and I usually despise chest hair on men! I loved playing with it, running my fingers through it- so it was hilarious when I found out Cancer rules the chest!
By the way, I do want to mention how I found this site. I just had that devistating run in where my Cancer, his ex, and I all ended up at the same bar/lounge. Two days later I was in Barnes and Noble, I needed answers about what to do, the seeker that I am. I ended up in the Astrology/ New Age isle and I had always seen those books for each sign that forecasted the year- I had never wanted to read them until that day. I read my sign for that day and it totally described what the event felt like for me! Then I read his and hers, with her there's this whole 'status quo' thing... so I feel she's using him for her own self esteem boost, which i hope he picks up on... Anyways, I bought them and the authors are the people who run this site! Rick Levine and someone else.... and that's how I got into all of this!
hmm maybe I will stop by after my birthday and tell him, "I have a bone to pick with you, I'm pretty sure you've ruined every other man for me- because I don't want any of them".
AirTwin -When he cut you off at the knees....was it something like "Our relationship is strictly platonic."? Cause forget the knees, the cancer I like just lopped my body clear in half. There's this other girl he seems to be hung up on, and with all thats going on (or I thought was going on) between us, I was a little upset. So I asked him if I meant anything to him, and he was floored. He was surprised I could even ask that question. We were just friends, he was sure he was clear about that.
So...I'm so happy you and your cancer worked out. But I'm done. I can't do this anymore, I don't deserve it.
KarmaCutie: GOOD LUCK. Sweet Jesus.
So yesterday I was feeling bold. I'd been feeling super good for the first time in awhile. After reading AirTwin's post, I had given serious thought about stopping by his restaurant. As the day progressed, I just knew I should maybe check up on my 'status' with him because if I've been thinking about him from the moment I wake up to the moment I fall asleep- it better be worth my head space! The last time I had seen or talked to him was when we ran into eachother and I basically ran aaway from him. So I got to the mental space where I was feeling bold and up for really knowing, good or bad.
I went to his restaurant ,that is in a small swanky mall, and parked my car in the public underground lot where he parks (he didn't know I knew he parked down there, because it's not next to his restaurant). He doesn't normally work Wednesday nights, but I saw his car. So I got all dressed up (made sure to wear curve hugging clothes ) and hung out in the parking lot. I was going to pretend I was at dinner with a friend at the other restaurant in the mall and I was just leaving as he was leaving. 1. I'd be suprised that he was there on a Friday night 2. I'd be suprised he parked down there, since it's not by his restaurant- It was a perfect, indirect approach AND since he's a Cancer, he'd love the romance of 'chance'.
He came out and I caught him- ohhh man there's like a warm, fuzzy, comfortable feeling with him. He was happy to see me and must've told me I looked good several times. He has that sexy 'underlook', where he tilts his head down and in a way look up at me. At one point I was talking and looking to the left and I look back and him and he's super close to the right side of my neck, telling me I smell good! He's been working 70 hour weeks and STILL on his house! Poor baby, he's looking skinnier..... I never asked about going out with him. He starts talking about how this summer he's going to lighten up his hours, probably hinting he wants to take me out then. He said the only night he'd actually gone out, was that random night that we ran into eachother. He hugged me and squeezed me tightly. He admitted he'd looked me up online, so in other words he's been thinking of me and I dropped my line, "I'm mad at you... ever since I met you, I haven't been even remotely attracted to any other guy...". hah he blushed, I could tell he thought that was super cute (I admitted that it was dorky). I felt alot of warm, fuzzy love! Yay!
WARNING: Such bold moves are not encouraged without reading 'The Art of Seduction' by Robert Greene and 'Why Men Love B!tches' by Sherry Argov.
correction '1. I would be suprised he was there on a WEDNESDAY night'
Londonlass, too funny, I am a virgo "dating" a cancer, I have felt also that he has someone in his back pocket. He also says no pressure and no heavy lifting, whatever that means. When I have seemed a little less caring is when I see results...hate playing that game...way to old for that sh*t.... A psychic reading revealed that there is a future for he and I, but that he is very apprehensive...given sometime maybe your will get it too...I hope so. Once a cancer grabs your heart it's not like anything else you've felt before. I know I haven't, never in my life would I have given so much lattitude to any man!!!
Air-twin, thank you so much for your wonderful post. It has given me the validation that I needed. I too feel that my cancer,whom I lovingly refer to as MR. Wizard(disappearing act) is worth patience. He has been hurt by two important women in his life.At first I was upset because I am paying for their wrongs...but the more time I have spent with him just solidifies that patience is needed. I knew the first night that I actually met him that I was done for.I have dated others but no-one has made me feel like him. Thank you once again and I am so very happy that all has worked out for you. You deserve it for your patience but most of all for that beautiful heart you have....Memasun
hey guys thanks so much for all your helpful ideas, this is one smoking site!