In need of help with my cancer male bf

  • in need of help badly... I broke up with my cancer bf one week ago, of course i miss him terribly, we had been dating for 3 yrs now and he is such the perfect gentle man, always come to visit me, we can talk about any thing, he is so romantic, loving, caring and just to best listener and he adores me so much.and even told me that we will be getting married soon, how soon he does not know.. and mind you, he is 31yrs and he is also very close to my son.... about 1yr ago he started to put restrictions on our relationship, such as my parent thinks that we are spending too much time together and they also need his attention, so he comes to see in the day time after work everyday and spend couple of hrs with me, but he has to leave by certain time cuz his folks would be mad at him, so he asked me if i can bare with him for a couple of months until thing at his home has been sorted i said ok. so after couple of months he still says that he needs time and now it is 1yrs and still needs time, last week when i broke up with him it was due to an email i saw, that he was talking to his ex, that he misses her and wanted to wish her happy b'day, and he missed being with her sexually and wanted more of her,, and that really pissed me off.. i forwarded the email to him and he told me that it was nothing that he just BS her... but i broke it off .....but then he told me that he is so ashamed to face me and he has not called to apologize to me until now and never calls or come to see me again, although i hate what he has done, i miss him alot ...and i am so sad... please help...

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  • @ mycancermale- ok, please don't hate me for what I am about to say, but I want to be honest with you. I dated a cancer male for a while. He asked me if we could be friends...however kept in contact with me. This week I went to go hang with him ( mind you I am 37 & he is 42, so we are not children) . While I was there I saw 2 cards from another woman.... and they were signed "I love you' to him.....

    Now, it wasn"t my place to mention the fact that I saw the cards that he left out, however I know about them. And this man wants a sexual relationship with me again...tells me he misses me, I am beautiful.... BLAH, BLAH, BLAH.....

    He probaly is ashamed.... that he got caught. My cancer man LIED STRAIGHT TO MY FACE WITHOUY EVEN FLINCHING.... and had you never read the e-mail, you might not eer have known.... consider yourself on step ahead. My cancer's chick has no clue he's an ass....

    I am sorry you have to go through this, but you have a child.... as do I. You deserve better. Plus, if he has done this once, he will do it again. Good luck to you.

  • "You deserve better. Plus, if he has done this once, he will do it again."

    So true.. you are being played BIG TIME. move on.

  • I agree with the others. he is playing you. You are probably one of many in his game. If he cannot put you 1st, then run away, do not look back.

    The only things I play second fiddle to with my cancer guy is his children and work. I ask very little from him. He knows that and I think that is what makes our relationship strong.

    @RedLeo..OMG !! That took nerve. I am sure he did it on purpose wanting to see how you would react !! Way to react in a way that he was NOT expecting ! Good for you !!

  • Your gut already knows and that’s why you broke up with him. I’m sorry, I know you’re hurting and you miss him. Sometimes when we want to believe in our loved ones, our mind will justify any excuses that they make, but then our gut will continue to scream out. It might be a little different if she had written it and he shut the door on her, but he actually wrote it and it was his feelings that he conveyed to her. He might not have been physically unfaithful, but he has been emotionally. You have to ask yourself, why anyone would feel obligated to feed someone bs if he didn’t share those feelings. In any case, I think he already knows you didn’t buy into his story and that’s why he feels ashamed. Cancers do have a tendency to re-live the past and until he realizes the reasons why the past is the past then it would be harder to look to the future.

  • hi, thanks for taking the time to reply 🙂 please tell me how i can turn this around? i would love you too... cuz i am still so much in love with him... but i feel that he lies so much and very deceptive, like... he moved a couple of months ago and he does not want to give me his new home number and he says that i should not call his cell after he gets home cuz his parents would be mad.. it is all to confusing...

    but, i did show him a lot of love and made him feel very comfortable around me, it was just about 2 months ago that I started to feel like i was taken for a fool... and being played... i am really confused...

    I am not judgemental about his past or family but i hate the restrictions that he is putting on this relationship and i am the one who feels stifled... what should i do??? please help

  • thanks Aquabubble , you are so right... thank you.

  • Honey... you have been with a man for almost three years... he moves, but doesn't give you his new number? I have to agree with aquabubbles that you loved him so much and or just wanted to ignore what you thought/felt was possibly going on that you felt the need to justify anything everything he did. Above you mentioned that he is a perfect gentleman, adores you, etc... but if he really was, he would never HAVE any restrictions/limitations on your relationship. I do not mean to sound harsh, I know you are hurting right now, but please try to see that you are not the one who did anything wrong here. HE did... Salvaging this relationship may be an option, however not necessarily the correct one to chose unless you want this behavior to repeat.

  • You are absolutely right... I know that i need to move past this, i know it is really really hard, but i have not gave in so far because I am so hurt, but it hurts even more because he has not called to apologize and ask anything... and it just bugs the hell out of me, thinking that he does not care...

    Thanks so much for the feedback, i feel much better and I also being a Leo woman needs to be really strong and do not put up with his BS.... thanks again...

  • I was also thinking this redleo73. It really doesn’t sound right and it has nothing to do with being judgmental. He has made himself unavailable. Why? This is a 31 year old man and he’s not allowed to take calls on his cell phone after work? He chooses not to give you his new home number? He’s hiding too much and he isn’t being honest. The Cancer men that I know, mine included, don’t always communicate directly especially when it affects their emotional being. This can range anywhere from asking for reassurances to avoiding the possibility of an ugly confrontation. They will just make it increasingly impossible for someone to stay; unless they are pretty darn sure then they can be brutally direct.

    Stand your ground. Hold your head up high. You did nothing wrong and if he sees that you don’t respect yourself then he won’t feel the need to respect you either. It happens to the best of us and you’ll come out of this just fine. Keep well.

  • Oh to love a cancer male! I believe the name given to this sign is as perfect a representation of it's relationships as any. Not that the love of a cancer male can't be well worth it, but it is never easy. Not easy to read and even harder to forget. I have been in a relationship with mine for 2 years now. I use the term relationship loosely, as does any female who finds herself enamored by the illustrious cancer male. Many times I have tried to end it because I love him so much and am so confused by the overwhelming intense feelings I have that it scares me. I have never felt this way. My advice to you, if you love him give him a little space right now. It sounds to me that he may feel for you but is unsure of his feelings as well so he is retreating to his comfort zone, the ex. Not too long though. You won't hear from him first, but don't get discouraged. After a couple of weeks send him a bottle of whatever he likes with a note that says, "if you should ever miss me...". Cancer males love attention and to be spoiled. But leave it at that. Don't call him. He will call you. He just needs to be wanted, but he also needs to feel like he is in control. Good luck!

  • Thanks so much, this really helps me, even i have been soooooooooooo confused by his emotional behavior. In the email he tells the ex that he is in an exclusive relationship but he still is leading her on... i don't get! before i broke off with him, he used to send me emails almost every night saying, he cannot live without me and he loves me so much and that i am the love of his lives... but when he gets home... that's it calls ... no communications and all the restrictions comes with it... and after all of that has been going on for one year, that's when i had enough and i have been dealing with it for all this time and yeah it does frustrate me, but i cannot live like this any more... but gosh i do miss him... for all the other good time that we've shared....

    I really appreciate your feedback... pls keep it coming:) it helps me a lot...

  • You are punishing yourself dear... what about YOUR feelings? That bottle idea is great however I wouldn't send it by mail if you know what I mean, it would go on his head. 😛

    There are plenty of fish in the sea dear, this man sounds insecure, confused and not emotionally in par with you. All the best 🙂

  • Gypseydreams,


    You've done it again, thats exactly what I would do with that bottle or put it where the sun don't shine!! lol

    Why still chase a man and give him gifts when he is not being respectful of you!!


  • I think that story about his parents is BS....must be the new old girlfriend he doesn't want to get calls from you when he's with her...sorry but men can be amazing liars when they want to be...i'd call the parents and find out if any of this is true...but then they may lie for him. I think he just wants to keep his options open with you in case. He's probably doing the same to her too.

  • Hi all, thanks so much for the feedback, Today after almost 2 weeks of breaking it off with him, i responded to an email of his concerning some of the items that i had i my place for him... and one too many emails led to him coming over and he just told me that inspite of all our arguments he is still attracted to me sexually.., and he want us to have only a romantic relationship and no strings attached... honestly after not seeing him for almost 2 weeks and not talking to him, yes i was really hurt and sad and all the bad stuff.... but when i saw him today.... i realized that the attractions has gone about 90% WOW.... unbelievable... which made it easier to deal with him and not have any string attached...however the romantic part is ...i think the one i miss the most 🙂 He ask if he can see me often for us to be together romantically...I told him i will let him know ( It feel good to get the upper hand) but he still has the sob story that he is not able to give me emotionally what i want because of his family situations...(Yeah right) I still think that he is a Liar, a cheat, confused, difficult, could send your head in a roller coaster, very unstable, and does not know really what the heck he wants....... all the insights of this forum has given me hope and helped me to be stronger..although i feel stronger I still miss a bit of him... but i know that time will heal everything, cuz i have not intentions on riding this roller coaster all my is to precious to deal with ppl BS

    please keep writing... i appreciate all the feedback.

    To all confused cancer lovers out there, give them space and time, not only for them to realize but for you find your self in yourself and NOT in there instability....

  • wow, sounds like I just may be the last woman alive that still carries a soft spot for men, cancer men in particular. While I am all for self respect, I also feel that you can't get to the truth of what is in someone's heart unless you put yourself out there a little. Maybe I have been blinded by the love of my life, but I feel he is totally worth it and I owe it to myself, as do you, to continue the pursuit of all things love and happiness related. He maybe a player but he may also be just as confused as you and doesn't want to be responsible for hurting the feelings of the women he's torn between. Not to say you should let him off the hook for his insecurities, just hold out long enough to see if its worth it to you to do so.

  • Although i am attracted to him physically also, I cannot bring myself to the way we used to be, it has been too painful and deceitful, i do not want this... . however i feel strong enough maybe to have a romantic relationship once in a blue with him.. it is my turn to make him want me, without any feelings attached what so ever! .... i have tried to make him jealous and he fell for it.... lol ,.... too bad... my turn to enjoy 🙂

    good luck to you....

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