If someone could be so kind as to do a reading for me. In need of direction.
I would very much appreciate it if someone could do a reading for me. It has been a very long past 6 years and so much has occurred. Even though the past 6 years has been an emotional rollercoaster with ups and downs and me loosing myself I know I needed to go through it all to become the person I am at this moment. I have seen much growth in myself but there are things that worry me. I suppose it all has to do with an ex who I loved for 6 years (2 ½ yr long distance) not a healthy relationship and both of our faults. Once this relationship ended in 2006 even till a few months ago my heart belonged strictly to him. I have been in many relationships since most not lasting more than a few weeks to a few months and I know my heart lying elsewhere was the issue. However, now I finally have my heart back. I suppose him coming to see me and realizing things gave me the courage I needed to finally let him go and be free of him. He is still haunting my dreams as well as other EXs, and other men I have not been with. I know enough about myself to know this most likely has to do with my subconscious fears playing out as to not affect my waking life.
I would again greatly appreciate a reading because since I saw my EX last and was able to be free of him I have been feeling almost emotionless; unless I watch a sappy movie (it’s the only emotion I get out of myself lately). I’m in neutral mode, just is, limbo land, whichever. This worries me. I know I have the capability of loving someone and I feel that I have learned so much about the person I am, but I am lonely. My heart is finally ready to let someone else in. What do you see when it comes to me and love?
Thank you so much. After being on a rollercoaster for 6 years and then coming into this sate of neutral I am just not used to this at all. I know neutral is better than the negative side but, I so crave the positive side and the lack of emotions.
Peace and Joy,
Jenn, your main lesson in this life will be about learning to relate to others more intimately. You really want to experience happiness, harmony, fairness, and support with the one partner whom you love. To achieve this, you need to be your own partner first. By getting to know yourself, you begin to do the things that bring you joy and increase your level of self-nurturing so that you feel strong, confident and supported. As you treat yoursefl fairly, you will feel the sense of balance and justice you seek. Because whether you realise it or not, you are preoccupied with justice and being treated fairly - "My survival and happiness depend on everyone playing fair with me." It's an unrealistic dream. You are a very giving person by nature but you must 'play fair' with yourself by not giving beyond the point that feels comfortable.
You are the epitome of what a Cancer person is.You try so hard to create a perfect family scene straight out of every sitcom from the 1950's. Of course, it's a totally normal desire to want a decent home and a happy marriage. The problems start when you invest so much energy into family and marriage that you turn away from your professional responsibilities and opportunities and then begin resenting the hubby or kids or whatever you feel is tying you down. Your parents probably had a dysfunctional marriage and you're determined to do better than they did. The irony is you can't control what goes on in a household. In fact. chaos is inevitable. The guilt factor is pretty huge for you however and, when you try too hard to compensate for domestic problems, you find it hard to be both nurturer and disciplinarian.
One thing is sure - you have to try to have a life outside the house, whether the house falls apart or not. Seeking a job as a nanny or teacher is really just continuing the theme of your goals - it's a vicarious way to have the family you want but also being able to walk away from 'the kids' if you need to. You have to fight the urge to be swallowed up in the abyss of your obsession with family and marriage. You've got to be careful not to live for or through either your surrogate family or your real family because you have such an issue with abandonment and guilt when a marriage fails. You must cease being the insecure and needy little infant and drag yourself out of home to become the leader that you really are. You can be such a powerful person in the marketplace, though you try to tell yourself it is not for you. You can unfortunately hang onto an emotionally unfulfilling scene at home if it satisfies a need you have for a place to run to, a base of operations, a showplace to prove to the world that you're not some big career freak.
So how to be the successful businesswoman and not reveal your deep insecuritites about being abandoned? You need to probe more deeply into your issues about setting family boundaries as well as your leadership capabilities. You may be denying yourself the life you were destined for and may be mistaken about where your true fulfillment lies. You have to ask yourself if you are being led by your real desires, or by your fears, sentiments, and insecurities?
As to relationships - you are fed, nourished, and guided by your emotions. As long as you stay attuned to your feelings and intuition, you make good choices in a partner. You feel such a drive to share your life with someone, for it's only in relationships that your creativity finds its fullest expression. However, your relationships also serve as clear mirrors of all your major issues, including self-doubt and insecurity, vulnerability to others' opinions, the need for honest expression, and foremost, issues of cooperation. You need an understanding and compassionate partner - someone who shares rather than makes too many demands, because even though you have a lot to give, you tend to do that over-giving thing of yours in response to demands, and then you just end up feeling drained. You also need to avoid getting drawn into messy sexual situations. While it may not show to others, you are a true romantic and feel deep attractions - you develop 'crushes' every now and then. You mustn't get involved with anyone who has more problems than you, and stay away from married or otherwise 'already taken' people. And definitely don't marry anyone for whom you only have a big crush - make sure it is real love and not just infatuation, before your abandonment fears kick in and you jump in feet first. And don't idealise past relationships and people - making them better than they really were.