A Sagittarian trait?
It has just hit me that there is a strange trait that Sagittarians seem to share that may shed light on their particular situations. I have noticed this tendency will come up again and again in readings and in my own friends from that sign, now that I reflect on it.
Many Sags seem to have this deeply self-sacrificing tendency that keeps them in a relationship or situation, not because they love the person, but because they feel obliged to stay because of the history that they share with the other person, be it a child or family member, a lover, or a spouse. Even when the relationship turns destructive or negative, or they fall in love with someone else, these Sags will stick with the relationship that is the longest running. They will suffer through this for years due to some odd sense of duty or guilt. They just cannot let go, yet these people are traditionally freedom-lovers.
I just wonder if any Sags themselves or people who know them are aware of this trait? Maybe they can explain it to me...
AS A SAG. MAN YOU HIT THE NAIL ON THE HEAD. THAT'S ME, THROUGHT GOOD TIMES AND BAD, THROUGH THICK & THIN, YOU STICK WITH IT AND NEVER GIVE UP.
I CAN'T EXPLAIN...BUT IT'SSOUNDS SO SAD, ESPECIALLY WHEN THE OTHER SAG. ALREADY GAVE UP.
THANKS CAPTAIN FOR SHARING THAT MESSAGE.
Is it that you can't - or won't let go?
I have a girlfriend who is a Sag and just got out of a long-term not-so-great relationship. She stuck with this guy, even though the relationship wasn't all that great a situation for her. He finally ended things in a not-so-nice way. This was about 6 months ago and she's still saying how she loves him and would take him back. The good news is that she left with some other girlfriends for a trip to Hawaii today...I hope good things happen for her, she's a doll.
What is it that keeps them in a bad relationship? Is it a sense of duty or obligation, I wonder? It's not something I've come across in astrology books but it has come up in readings so often that I feel like I should try to get to the bottom of it for those poor Sags who can't understand it themselves.
This is so interesting to me Captain. I dated a Sag, briefly in my opinion, only about four months and it was about twenty years ago. When we split, I will never forget, his words to me were, "you don't need me!" I am pretty independent so I never could understand this, always thinking that self-reliance is a good thing. Anyway, the years went by, he moved away, very coincidentally to my home-town 500 miles away. So he contacted me at one point, asking when I would be returning "home" for a visit, wanted to get together. Eventually that came to pass, we met for dinner during which time he announced that he was getting married, he wanted me to know this. We hadn't dated for a couple of years at that point, so I was happy for him, "well congratulations!" But somehow this whole thing seemed to be about him letting me know that he was getting married, for some reason it was important for him to share with me to the point that he would call me after years, and from 500 miles away, just to meet for dinner to make the announcement. During that same conversation there was some reflection about our time together and he made the statement, "you were almost perfect". Knowing myself better than to ask, "in what way was I imperfect" (because my insecure Cancer-self would probably have obsessed over that for years, lol) I still just accepted that as "we were the wrong match" and I let it go.
Fast forward to about a year ago. I ran into this Sag at the grocery store. He had moved back into town several years ago actually and we don't live far from each other, our kids are even in the same school district. I would say that at least once a month I now run into him at the grocery store. Now this is wierd on it's own. I'm talking one of our enormous American superstore grocers and I have no pattern to when I go there, it's totally random, as I assume his visits are, but in the past year I'd have to say that I have encountered him there six times by now and each time we talk for about an hour.
Sorry, I digress, but that IS so uncanny. Anyhow, what's interesting is that he makes an effort to keep tabs on me now that we have reconnected. He calls on occasion just to check on me, make sure I'm doing okay, has offered to employ me if my job situation turns shaky again (as it has been for the past three years), eager to lend a hand in whatever way he can. I have always felt friendly towards him, our relationship ended in a tiff, like so many do, but it wasn't so much that we didn't let it go when we saw each other around town after that. Things were amicable. But I continue to be confused by his "nurturing" interests here and at times it's made me feel like I want to say, "it's okay Jeff, I'm doing just fine, you don't need to worry about me". He has his own life to worry about, a family and a business to run, but at the same time I must say that I am impressed with how he makes a point to make space in all that to check on my well-being. Not many people would do such a thing in my opinion.
Maybe I always underestimated what he felt about me way back when? I don't know. Sags are tricky for me because they always seem more interested in the party itself than the people who attend, if you know what I mean. All about action and flitting from one interest to the next and they certainly have a way of blurting out what's on their mind oblivious to how hurtful it might be to others (this was our undoing, it was hard for me to rationalize some of the things he said. Him making a point to tell me a couple years later that I was "almost perfect" is a great example - I'd call that a back-handed compliment, although I don't think he really meant it to be). But somewhere in there seems to be a real heart of gold and a permanent devotion to people that they have cared about, and they seem to recognize those who have cared about them as well.
Indeed Captain I think you are on to something here!
Im a sag and this describes me exactly.I always thought it was my moon in cancer that caused this behaviour pattern.But reading your post i can see the sag bit is true.I guess saggis have a never say die spirit.It is a perverse kind of optimism in face of a lost cause.The very trait that works so well professionally,this see it through no matter what attitude,is what makes us cling to defunct relationships.Also a sense of false pride.What people think about us sag bothers us more than we let on.A strange kind od clutching to tradition esp in the case of marriage ,perhaps.Please im speaking for myself here and apologise if I offend any fellow sag!I have suffered because of this trait and have belatedly recognized that ego of this kind prevents us from accepting what the universe brings our way if we were more open...And in my case the cancer moon makes me cling protectively to anything i associate w home...
Hmmmmm......Hi Captain....I've been on break from here cause I had so much work to catch up on...getting close to catching up and I just felt the need to respond to maybe help you and because this is something that does confuse me too.
I'm a major Sag...Sun, Moon, and at least 3 houses in my chart, Virgo rising however...fun:)
So..... in my skin - spirit or ? I feel like this free wheeling adventurous spirit that can't get enough info about a million different things...I mean life is like this buffet with so many fun and beautiful things to check out! I want to be every where feeling, smelling, seeing everything, every where, I don't believe I've ever been bored a day in my life. Kind of like a dog's spirit Happy Happy ha.
BUT.................there is this part of me that feels responsible (or maybe I should say available) for every little thing and every body thats in my group (family, friends, possessions, work etc)....I thought that was the Virgo rising in me, and being the oldest child in the family etc.....maybe not though??? I guess I am very forgiving of people, cause heaven knows I screw up a lot, even though I try very hard not to, and wouldn't want it held against me cause I'm only human kind of thing...so I try to allow others the same leeway (more than I allow myself thats for sure)...and yes once I'm in any relationship it kind of feels like forever....so I am careful about developing relationships. And I have wondered numerous times why I would not just drop certain relationships - however most of the time they are family and it just doesn't seem to compute to drop a family member, friends I can drop easier. Also things, if I don't have everything done and taken care of I just can not relax...and I always thought that these behaviours were the Virgo part of me..it just seems so polar opposite of a Sag...so anyway at times I can kind of feel like a leaf in the breeze dealing with my stuff, other peoples stuff, and my poor little spirit's fun stuff just gets put on the back burner. Maybe part of it is because we Sag's feel so care free that it seems like we better take some things seriously?????
So I believe AWARENESS is critical...cause the first 35 yrs of my life I wasn't even aware of this...and now that I am a bit more aware I am trying to take care of that fun little spirit in me instead of seeing its needs as frivolous. And letting others take care of themselves, and allowing others to help me as well. Well I hope this helps you a bit Captain, and my Spirit enjoyed writing this Glenda
So would I be right in thinking that Sags - once they consider someone part of their family - never really let go? That they may not be physically around but they remain emotionally and mentally attached to those they have loved or still love? It's like they are the eternal responsible 'parent', forever watching over those they care for.
This post is deleted!
But it can't be all bad - surely this trait evolved to be helpful at first and is just carried too far?
This post is deleted!
Another thing I've noticed about Sags is that many have difficulty trusting others at a deep level.
Yes thats true. Paradoxically it comes from a life time of being gullible.Ones directness and generosity and trust is paid back with frequent betrayals.Still for a long time, sags stay optimistic about people before learning to keep certain things to themselves.But Captain, the funny thing is that they themselves want to know everything about others.I would like to be charitable to myself and say that this is because of a genuine interest in other people and their psychology,a genuine desire to help and take care of friend's affairs,even when it may not be always wise to do so!
Captain - i happned to just stumble across the topic and this explains a lot about why this sag "more than frend" of mine is not able to let go. We just met about 2 months back although know each other from 3 yrs, and it was instant attraction for me and for him I was just a "more than friend" kind of a person who understands him well, anyways he knows about my feelings and I have tried to come out of this reln' lot of times - and would definitely have managed too, if he wouldn't have contacted me again and again even after giving him a nice dosage of his neg traits. Well, being an emotional piscean it doesn't help that he is not letting me go but I guess it is a sweet character trait but brings a lot of unhappiness to sag's as well as the people in their lives. I guess if they understand that sometimes it is better to let go, specially if they don't love the other person - it would save all a lot of heartache!! All said, sag's are amazing and people who can handle them will have a very interesting life.
Sounds like Sags can be superglue that need surgical removal.
it makes sense to hang on to someone you care for but Sags cling on even after the love has gone.
I think every motivation starts out with good intentions. It's just that we all (not just Sags) don't stop to check if any of our motivations or beliefs have passed their 'used-by date' or relevance in our lives.
LOL Captain..."used by date". You cracked me up! Thanks!
Being a Sag. I have to agree with most of what everyone said here.
I stayed with my ex way too long when it clearly wasn't working or good for either of us. I had already 'fell' out of love with him, yet still stayed due to some sense of loyalty to family type thing, the kids etc...
Actually leaving that relationship was the best thing that I ever did.
He now lives in the next town and I see him here and there, we get along pretty good.
In this case, once I finally let go and left the relationship, I was completely done...he is the one that still tries to get back together, still after all these years and he has gotten married. He is a Pisces.
I think we have a hard time letting go or leaving
But when we are done, then we are really done (at least for me) but we still want to stay friends with ex's just because we did or do care about them.
Needless to say that it takes a lot for me to consider a serious long term relationship, probably because of all the 'life' lessons I learned from this particular relationship and about myself.
It is also true that we sag's (not all) do care about people and once we care about them we try to help, nurture and look out for their best interests. (or what we think may be best lol)
Yet once we have been thru one or two relationships that are not good for us and have a hard time letting go...we tend to not let our feelings get too deep. As we get older we tend to do more soul searching and get a little more trusting, more open and less fearful that we will have a hard time leaving if the relationship isn't good for us.
I for one will admit that I also have/had the sag trait of falling in fast and falling out just as fast....
That could be because I wasn't allowing my feelings to get too deep for anyone out of the fear that I would get hurt or stay if it wasn't good etc.
It was a lot easier to just walk away and move on than to make myself vulnerable.
I have come a long way in my almost 40 yrs.
never thought about it like this and never thought of myself like that either but you are right Captain.
I wouldn't know about others but for me the need for freedom and independence is SO high deep down its turned into guilt, I've rebelled against the littlest things that are 'normal' for others but restrictive for me....guess its this guilt about wanting to break free that conversely keeps me in...like my wanting to break free is 'wrong' and I 'owe' something to the structured ways of relationship and marriage...kind of like a duty I SHOULD be doing...and wanting out is fickle and reckless...
Also, I've seen SO many Saggi-Cancer matches...I guess its this thing about the rootedness of Cancerians that attract Saggis and the freedom-loving, experimental ways of Saggis that Cancerians love. And in these relationships maybe because of Cancerians tenacity to hold on makes Saggis feel they will be abandoning the relationship if they 'give up' first???? I feel so...dunno if it can be generalised....
Also, Sags, (I've lots of close Saggi friends and I've noticed this in all of them) have their own understanding and perspective of the world....its different and evolved really but not in the normal, general sense of the practical world...they are rather 'duh' when it comes to obvious things, like common sense or nuances of other's feelings and one's own behavior...and because of this expansive wisdom which is not inclusive they miss out on the finer details....I do, all the time :)...this may keep them believing there is lots to hold onto in their relationship when there is actually nothing left...
And what Suramya says is perfectly true...its this frequent betrayal that makes them shut down. Its no one's fault really. The combination of directness and honesty and total lack of mal-intention is difficult to digest. And from there rolls this feeling that no one understands me...have seen this with all my friends and I understood it only because as Saggis we understand each other perfectly. I mean its a Saggi bond kinda thing
I dunno if anyone's noticed this but its mostly only Saggis who make such a big deal of meeting Saggis and striking friends with them. Its like ok, ur a Saggi, YAY! you can join my clique! Got to admit, we are a bit weird...my friends and family are fed-up with MY 'I-am-a-Saggi-ur-a-saggi-lets-hug' syndrome!
Ive gone on as usual!!!! Can't shut up when it comes to Saggis
I think you Sagi people need to lose your fear of being who you are and stop conforming to some sort of unwritten and unsuitable social rules for yourselves. We are all here to learn how to be really authentic, not a copy of someone else.
Face it - someone has to show the rest of us how to be truly free. And true freedom is about treating everyone - yourself included - fairly and honestly, not just one partner in particular. Staying with someone out of guilt or duty robs you both of your rights as individuals.