Any advice welcome!

  • I'm looking for some advice. I dated someone for several months last summer, and it was different than anything I had experienced previously since my ex husband. I have been divorced amicably for a year and a half, though separated for 3 years now, having originally gotten married very young. After I asked my ex to leave, I dated a lot of different men casually for fun, because I had never really done that when i was younger and wanted to see what was out there.

    After about a year and a half of dating, I met this man who I immediately knew was different that any of the other guys. It was like we had known each other forever, and the first date lasted about 3 hours but felt like 3 minutes. He is more shy and reserved than me (his bday 8/24/64) I tend to be more outgoing and impulsive (my bday 11/22/68) We really clicked though and I instinctively knew he felt the same way. It was easy and effortless, and I even found myself thinking that this could be something long term. However, we each have 3 kids and exes, and some things got in the way that I felt uncomfortable about and so I ended things - did I mention I happen to be impulsive? Interestingly , this happened on July 9th 2009 during an eclipse.

    I immediately regretted it, and he told me he didn't really understand what had happened, so we briefly saw each other again a couple of weeks later, but it still felt different and strange to me and so I let him go "for good". I have never stopped thinking about him though, and we have communicated occasionally over the past year as friends. I started seeing other people, though every time I liked someone something random would happen to make we question it - one time I broke my wrist on the way to the date, another time a minor car accident, another time I lost a precious ring I loved, and I would see signs everywhere that reminded me of this man always in the back of my mind. He had and still has no idea of any of this either. Then, we randomly ran into each other exactly a year to the day we originally met. I decided to call him about a month after that, and we met for a drink on July 3rd of this year, interestingly between eclipses once again. We ended up staying out talking and laughing again for about 3 hours, though I could tell he was guarded, and he stayed out late even though he had to get up very early the next day. At the end we said goodbye, and I told him it was so great to see him and I always had fun with him and missed spending time together. He agreed. Since then, we have had a couple of friendly text contacts, but nothing more. I am actually seeing someone else (3/4/65) who I care about but this other man remains in my head as well. Also, my moon is conjunct his South Node in Capricorn, which I figure is why we have always felt so comfortable together. So my question is: is he open to trying this again? Is it even in my, or our best interest, or should I just let him go completely with love and light. I have no plans to contact him again, and my life is blessed in so many aspects that I am and know I will be fine either way, I am just trying to understand why this has man has had such a powerful impact on me in a relatively short period of time. Thanks in advance to anyone who reads and responds to this!

  • A romantic involvement between you and your old friend is rarely on the cards, because your greater potential as friends is easily upset by any physical intimacy. This relationship is primarily social. You also do well in a business association, for you both like to roll up your sleeves and get in there, getting your hands dirty. Both of you have a strong work ethic. You both also love entertaining, giving dinners or parties, decorating, and planning celebrations. Your friend's flair and your charm complement each other, producing results that are pleasing and fun. But just because you get on well together doesn't mean that love between you would flow smoothly. As friends, your strengths and similarities are highlighted but, in a more intimate relationship, your differences and weaknesses would come out to bring great stress to the relationship.

    Your current relationship is much more favourable for marriage and love. No matter what sort of difficulties this matchup encounters, the intense loyalty that characterises it will see it through. The focus here is usually on building a stable life together, with every element of your environment brought under tight control. You two have excellent taste, particularly sensitive in the aesthetic sphere - designing, decorating, gardening and furnishing are all given top priority, along with other domestic concerns. A love affair, friendship, or marriage may be closely related here. Sex is rarely the most important element in your interpersonal relationship; rather, the focus is on establishing bonds of friendship that pervade all areas of your life together. However, while empathic bonds may be strong, emotion may be less easily expressed, and much is kept beneath the surface in everyday interactions. You Astronelly must make sure you invest enough time and interest into your partner and open up to him, while not allowing him to manipulate or try to control you.

  • Thanks, Captain. Your comments are greatly appreciated. It is rare that someone has the impact on me that my old friend did, though I am certain he has no idea that I still think about him. That is what made me wonder if I let something important go. Perhaps I need to stop second guessing myself!

    If I can ask an additional favor of your profound insight, I am facing some challenges with my two oldest children which originated at the full moon 8/24/10 and then resurfaced at the new moon on 9/9/10. My son was born on 2/23/01 and daughter on 3/3/03, and both are sensitive, intuitive and caring individuals, though not always with each other. Their father (5/26/68) and I are dealing with this together, and things seem to be improving, but I remain concerned. Can you please tell me anything you may see about this situation?

    Thanks in advance for all of your guidance!

  • Your son has a strong need to protect himself and can withdraw emotionally or physically when he feels threatened or upset. He must learn how to reach out and touch those around him. He is here to learn lessons about love and loving, and to let relationships be the centre of his life as later on he will become quite career and goal-oriented. He is very psychic and picks up many impressions from others. He will need guidance in how to handle his ability and sensitivity, and to not mistake what he picks up from others as his own feelings. If he is fighting with his sister, it's a good thing in a way - better he engages in contact, even if it is hostile, than slink away into his shell of introspection, self-pity, and inability to deal with reality. He just needs to learn how to relate better and to balance his emotionality with practicality. He will need grounding - solid earthy foods and plenty of exercise will help. There are many internet sites where you can find more about grounding, too. Your son must learn to open up and share himself, not close down and retreat into himself.

    Your daughter is a feisty fighter who will need to learn to curb her rebellious impulses and steady her passions. With her mentally agile and expansive mind, she needs to be allowed time for retreat and quiet in order to regulate her intense energies. Emotionally sensitive, she also can have introspective tendencies like your son that may cause her to be a bit of a loner or go her own way at times. She will have some unique ideas and ways of doing things that will need equal doses of discipline and encouragement from you. She can be more consumed with dreaming up grand schemes than with practical ways of achieving them and may lack the patience to follow through. She is very creative so drawing, painting, writing, story-telling are all good outlets for her.

    Grounding and a peaceful harmonious home will go a long way to steadying and pacifying both of these children.

  • Wow, Captain, I feel like you know my kids! You are correct that my son often keeps his feelings to himself. He often asks me how I think or feel about a situation before making a decision, and dislikes that I usually refuse to give my opinion. He is much more sensitive by nature than I am and I try very hard to be ever aware of that fact. (he is Cancer rising) I am really into earthy, healthy foods and sports and luckily so is he. I will definitely look into grounding.

    Lately, he has been very focused and vocal about wanting my ex husband (5/26/1968) and me (11/22/1968) back together. We are good friends now and get on well, though that was not the case when he moved out 3 years ago. I figure it is natural for a child to want his parents to be together and do my best to validate his feelings without giving him false hope. His Dad has been hanging around our house a lot recently which I know my kids like, but I guess may be sending the wrong message. Based on what you say though, I am especially grateful my son is sharing his feelings with me. Interestingly, he has not said anything about this to his Dad...

    You were spot on about my daughter too. I like to joke with my friends that she is more challenging than both of my boys put together. (my youngest son was born 8/9/2006) She and I are both passionate, feisty and rebellious and it has been and continues to be a great lesson for me not to react to her in the moment, especially when I am under stress. Her ability to communicate far exceeds her years, and I often forget she is only 7. (she is Libra rising) Drama characterizes everything she does, in both positive and negative ways, and she is extremely creative as you mentioned, writing, story telling, drawing and engaging in make believe daily.

    They both get on extremely well with their younger brother (8/9/2006, and pisces rising) and have an intense love hate relationship with each other. If it is not too much to ask, can you please tell me about my youngest too? Also any additional thoughts about my other two, especially about handling the ex situation with my older son, would be great. Thanks so much for all of your time here - it helps a great deal and I truly appreciate it!

  • Like I said, your eldest boy has trouble dealing with reality so you will have to be very clear with him that you and your husband are not getting back together. Right now he is imagining the ideal family all back together again in perfect love and harmony. He mustn't be allowed to have false hopes or he will fall very hard in life when things don't work out as he dreamed. Make sure you are also clear to all the kids that just because Mum and Dad can't live together, it doesn't mean that Daddy doesn't love them all very much and will be there for them (hopefully he will).

    Your youngest child has naturally lively and light-hearted energies that will serve him well in life, as he is not only capable of discovering where his true passion lies but of going out and doing something about it. There is a certain toughness about him that your other kids don't have, especially not the oldest boy. The youngest child might have difficulty admitting his mistakes as he gets older or have trouble letting go of his attachment to structures or standards which are often not entirely his own but are set by others. His faithfulness to his principles can be admirable, but may hold him back since it will make breaking out of the old dull routines all the more hard for him. He may exhibit such an extremely single-minded devotion to high-minded ideals that they may run his life too much. He will tend to approach life from a very mental orientation and may become rather detached because of it, rarely throwing himself into an experience without analysing it to death first. So he will need to learn to live more fully from his intuition and heart, living each moment to the fullest. Often, his ideas of what should be will get in the way of his appreciating what is. Unfortunately, you have another child on your hands who will run away from his feelings. If you can help him to experience life through stimulating his senses - like asking him what the apple he is eating tastes like or playing music for him or playing games where you blindfold him and ask him what various fabrics and items feel like on his skin etc., and also encouraging him to use his intuition more, it would really benefit him.

  • Astronelly, I have noticed something about Sags that explains your husband's attachment to his son and maybe to you as well. See what you think -

  • Sorry, not your husband and son (that was another Sag) but still it's interesting about Sags.

  • Hi Captain. Thanks for sharing that link. I am the Sag (11/22/68 and Leo rising) and I can identify with what you wrote because I knew for years I wanted to end my marriage before I finally did but stayed because I felt it was the right thing to do. My ex husband is a gemini (5/26/68) and is either very friendly and warm to me or completely cold and acts like he's angry. I figure that's a twins thing...but he is giving me some problems in our interactions with our kids and even though we get along ok most of the time, i know he still holds a lot of anger toward me because it occasionally comes out.

    Can you tell me a bit more about myself and my ex husband and the dynamic between us. Also, what, if anything you see for us in the future. Thanks so much!

  • It's probably a bit late to tell you that this relationship was worst for marriage. The focus of the this matchup is spiritual - this is a relationship in which the partners may explore deeper, more idealistic topics, or engage in quiet contemplation together. You two may even have felt you shared a higher calling. This doesn't preclude a certain zest and love of life; indeed, in all your areas of interest - the arts, music, dance, belief systems, politics - enjoyment and fun with the world of ideas are important to the pair of you. You two are interested in anything that affects the human condition. The world may view your relationship as active and even frenetic, but in doing so may fail to observe its personal and intimate side.

    Marriage or a love affair is tricky here. Both of you have a tendency towards infidelity, which your relationship accentuates, so that to survive, it would have had to have been very open, with few rules and little guilt or blame. Your children however would probably have had a difficult time with these open attitudes, and when older could have grown highly disapproving, even condemning of them. Your relationship with your ex was no doubt full of high passion and deeply negative emotions, especially jealousy, which can be all-consuming. The relationship has a curious respect for money and power but care must be taken that it does not succumb to the latter tendency, compromising its own spiritual strengths. You must both come to learn the value of silence and peace and meditation, instead of giving in to power struggles.

    Your ex needs to devote a lot of time and effort to self-discovery. He might not feel free to do that within his family situation. He can be very ridiculing or critical at times yet can be very superficial or blind when it comes to looking at himself and his own faults. He is very good at analysing everyone but himself. However, unless he digs deep into his soul, he will always remain frustrated at never finding out what he really wants or needs. His restlessness and desire for freedom is just a manifestation of his lack of self-knowledge - he doesn't have to go anywhere or find someone else to make him happy - he needs to find HIMSELF. His life's journey of exploration begins with his own self. He probably still has lingering effects from his parents' expectations fo him and feels a need to fill everyone else's expectations of him, too. He walks a fine line between his own self-interest and other people's needs - he needs to find an equal balance instead of tipping too far one way or the other. Your ex probably feels very guilty and bad whenever he returns to see you and the children because he feels your (expressed, unexpressed or even imagined) expectations that he is not living up to. This is a man who will feel lost until he turns inward to discover his true identity. But the fear of what he might see in there prevents him from unlocking his own secrets - thus he remains frustrated and despairing and will let this spill over oto others, making him feel even more guilty and miserable.

    It's possible you two can work out a friendly relationship if your ex does some more self-discovery but I don't see you ever getting back together as spouses.

  • Thanks, Captain. I believe we are headed toward a friendly relationship, and I know I made the right decision both for myself and my children in ending our marriage. I have learned much about myself through my relationship with him and know his purpose in my life was (and continues to be) as a teacher for me and I for him, and more importantly to bring our children into the world. Now our challenge is to provide them with guidance and tools for their future, and hopefully work our differences out peacefully so we will not have to revisit them in another lifetime. Thank you for clarifying for me what I was already feeling,

    A major challenge for me is that I have always had trouble committing to love relationships - and yet ironically up until 3 years ago I have virtually always been in one. As I mentioned early on in this thread, I am seeing someone now (March 4, 1965, cancer rising) that I enjoy spending time with and see quite often, yet part of me hesitates, He is caring, smart, funny, sensitive and easy to be around, and is very clear in his desire for a serious relationship with me. At the same time, he accepts me as I am, concerns and all, and asks for nothing in return than to see me when I am free.

    For the moment, that is the best I can do, and I vacillate between thinking that this could be something long term and finding reasons why I may not want it to be. You already mentioned earlier that you think he may be good friend, love, marriage potential for me. I sometimes feel this could be so, but part of me also believes that if he is the right person for me I would have realized it with certainty before now. (we have dated for about 4 months) Do you see that there could be a better match out there for me and maybe that is why I hesitate? I know I don't need to make any decisions now, but it weighs on my mind a bit as I care about him and don't want to hurt him either.

    I guess part of the issue is that I finally really love my life exactly as it is - and my kids, friends, career, sports, and freedom keep me happy and busy. The idea of changing that is a bit daunting, while at the same time I welcome the idea of sharing the future with someone I can grow with. Captain, in your infinite wisdom, where do you see my love life, and life in general heading? Again my bday is (November 22, 1968, Leo rising) And thank you so much - I realize you are in high demand - you have no idea how much all of this helps! 🙂

  • The reason you hesitate is not because there could be a better match for you out there but because you are not sure if you want to be tied down to one person again. You do have a deep abiding love of humanity - it's just that individually people are hard for you to take sometimes. They simply can't be counted on to return the kindness, empathy, and services you are all too willing to render. You hang out with people you can't even stand to listen to and get all involved with their issues and problems and causes, very few of which you really care about. You want to care and you think you care and yet honestly you're not really as interested as you'd like to be. In fact, half the things you get involved in are a waste of your time. All these 'friendships' that you work so hard at keeping up are really just distractions. Distractions from developing a healthy, grown-up, intimate personal life. Having a family, raising kids, making love - it all scares the heck out of you if you're honest.

    Could it be you have an issue that comes from the old-fashioned definitions of male dominance and female submission? Probably there is a male/female gender story in your past, which is the source of some of the problems you may have found in long-term commitments. Your parents' marriage, or whatever sort of relationship they had, has left such a mark on you that you waffle and wobble in many situations that require a commitment from you, a commitment you are eager and happy to give at first but that you later back away from or out of it completely.

    No way are you going to march in step and follow the totally conventional, socially acceptable lifestyle. You want to be part of the in-crowd, but the truth is you will never be one of the gang. You didn't totally fit into your family. No matter what kind of group you join, you can never allow yourself to be totally absorbed by it. Following your own path means leaving the group, not merging with it. It takes guts to deviate from the party line to express yourself freely, creatively, and honestly. You may risk exposure, censure, or expulsion but you've got to stand up and fight. You have to learn to fight if you want to learn to love and not just split to avoid confrontation.

    You must probe deeply into your issues about being part of a group or relationship that doesn't really give you what you need, to the point that you stay in some relationships way too long. You must pass through the illusion of fear of being left out or dumped by people you've given your heart and soul to and onto a higher expression of your Sag nature that will help you pursue your individual creativity, and help you accept more easily your need for intimate romantic love. The idea of a truly intimate love affair probably scares the heck out of you, even while filling you with ecstacy and energy at the thought of it. Love will recharge your batteries like nothing else can. Nothing cleans out your pipes, juices you up, and imbues you with a sense of confidence and power like a love that forces you to give up associations that have long since lost their meaning. When you finally do surrender to true love and intimacy, a rich reward will come back to you in that, instead of feeling your liberty and independence has been limited, you feel more free and alive than ever. Previously you have been torn between wanting to get out of unhappy relationships and fearing being alone. But that's because you have never experienced deep intimate romantic love before.

    You get your power back by being strong and independent - taking on what has been traditionally considered the masculine role. It simply means you have to take the initiative, be more assertive, and not wait for some miracle to occur or to expect others to do it for you. You cannot fall into an unhealthy dependency any more, rewarding bad behaviour and putting up with someone's improper treatment of you just because you don't want to be alone or fear being abandoned. Being independent and having your own life doesn't in any way preclude having happy, fulfilling, prosperous relationships. In fact, it virtually guarantees them. Don't be afraid of your male side - it's not a curse, it's a blessing. Everyone has both a male and female side and they must be evenly balanced in order to be happy and healthy. Your children need your strength AND your gentleness, your courage AND your nurturing. You don't have to play a submissive role all the time just out of fear.

  • It is very true that I am not certain I want to be tied down to one person again, yet simultaneously believe that one day I will meet my soulmate that will enrich my life and not curtail my freedom. The very thought terrifies and excites me at the same time. Much of what you wrote above pegs me exactly about 20 years ago. I wasted much time on people that offered me nothing because I felt compelled to help them. I tend to be extremely optimistic and generally look for the good in people and situations and I realize others are drawn to that - especially when they are in crisis. As I have gained self esteem and confidence over the years, I no longer waste time on those people and situations that perpetually drag me down, and I no longer take others' actions personally.

    I am still fairly good at finding distractions from the details of life I wish to escape, but now that I am aware of this tendency have become a bit better at getting the necessary things done in a timely fashion. My parents - both Virgos (mom 9/9/44, dad 9/16/44) are from the midwest and raised me to think that family, and a committed love relationship were of the utmost importance, though interestingly my Dad also always told my 3 siblings and me that we could do whatever we wanted in life and was and is a very successful entrepreneur that devoted a lot of time to his career. We did a lot of family things on the weekends, but he was rarely around during the week. My Mom resented being left home alone and I as the oldest of 4 kids took the brunt of her anger toward him. She didn't really understand me at all, nor I her and I grew up wanting to be like my Dad and not my Mom.

    I think this has magnified the independent, masculine side of my personality, which has always been dominant and I immediately threw myself into my career and was very successful. Also, you are correct that I have always been "different." My parents definitely did not understand me at all. I was always into health, nutrition, alternative medicine, and animals, things that never really made sense to them. I also became an avid runner - which they thought was strange. (though interestingly, over time everyone in my family has become more and more like me)

    For a time, I wasn't even sure I would ever want kids, despite the fact that I have always loved and gravitated toward them (and animals). I was with my ex for 5 years before I agreed to marry him and was the breadwinner for the first 5 years of our marriage until I "accidently" became pregnant in 2000. After the initial shock wore off, I became excited about the baby and soon after he was born I opted to leave my job. I loved being a Mom and wondered why I had waited so long and wanted more.

    The cracks in my marriage became increasingly apparent as the household became more chaotic. We had always had major power struggles, but now I was overwhelmed, and he was never there as he tried to build his business. We were financially strapped and I resented his freedom and lack of support and presence, and he was afraid to come home because when he did I was always angry with him. I told him to leave repeatedly over an extensive period as I felt like a single mom anyway, and he refused, yet once he finally did leave for good I secretly felt terrified and blamed him entirely for everything. I resented being dependent on him and not having any freedom as though it was only his fault, and yet this was entirely the life I had created for myself. I had given my own power away - I had become my mother! - and realizing that was the best thing that had ever happened to me.

    So being strong and independent is no longer an issue for me in life in general, but I think I need to learn that I can show and embrace my feminine side in a relationship without losing my identity. To know that I don't always have to be the strong one and keep everything together, but can occasionally be vulnerable as well would likely be a revelation for me. I have never felt comfortable in "submissive" roles, and in order to avoid the chance of that happening I steer clear of serious commitments or anyone that wants to take care of me.

    You are correct that I have never experienced true, deep, intimate romantic love before, and that is probably because I never really loved myself enough before to attract or recognize it. At this point in my journey I believe I am ready, I just need to let go, kind of like jumping off of a cliff... 🙂

    Again, thanks so much Captain. Any other insight is always appreciated. This life journey is fascinating. I intend to make the most of it - in spite of myself... 🙂 Have an amazing day!!!!

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