3. Need Help Coping Today

Need Help Coping Today

  • K

    My boyfriend said he had to be with an old girlfriend so we could move on together. She flew in yesterday and spent the night. I haven't heard a word from him since he picked up her at the airport. Despite how much he told me he loves me and I'm the "one" he wants to spend his life with I awoke with a terrible sense of dread this morning. Am I overreacting?

    0
  • H

    kyprincess,

    Am I overreacting? No.

    But you should be capable of adjusting with people.

    It is not only a question of music; it is deeper than

    that -- otherwise you will become a nun. By and by

    that sets the trend in a certain direction. Then you

    will not want to mix with people, because whenever you

    mix with people you have to compromise. Alone you are

    absolutely free. Then by and by you will start receding

    from relationships, because that too is a compromise.

    One feels responsible for the other, one has to

    consider the other, and it is not always according to

    you. It is not always the way you would like it to be.

    Sometimes you have to go against your will: because the

    other is going, you have to go.

    0
  • K

    So the truth is he lied to me? That's extremely cruel after being together for nearly a year.

    0
  • H

    kyprincess,

    So the truth is he lied to me? Yes, certainly, it is so obvious!

    Just go into the silent space within you. You go into your room, into your own space.

    0
  • K

    He tried to call me and I refused to talk. I went out last night was bombarded by men. It was overwhelming. I couldn't even have a good time despite all the free drinks. I couldn't get him out of my mind. My heart still belongs to him because I know without me he just wanders aimlessly. He's not grounded at all.

    He wanted to call this morning and I relented. He says he loves me. His pain is palpable. He says sometimes things have to come a full 180. I have to wait until it does.

    I could hear the love in his voice.

    Or maybe I'm just clueless and stubborn.

    0
  • K

    He tried to call me and I refused to talk. I went out last night was bombarded by men. It was overwhelming. I couldn't even have a good time despite all the free drinks. I couldn't get him out of my mind. My heart still belongs to him because I know without me he just wanders aimlessly. He's not grounded at all.

    He wanted to call this morning and I relented. He says he loves me. His pain is palpable. He says sometimes things have to come a full 180. I have to wait until it does.

    I could hear the love in his voice.

    Or maybe I'm just clueless and stubborn.

    0
  • H

    kyprincess,

    that reminds me about a small story that will help you

    to understand:

    There were two temples in Japan, both antagonistic to

    each other. One belonged to Shinto, another belonged to

    Zen. And for centuries they had been quarreling,

    arguing against each other. Both had masters, and they

    both had young boys, because the masters were old and

    they needed somebody to help them, to bring vegetables

    or cook food. Those small boys helped them.

    Both told the small boys, "Don't talk to the other

    boy of the other temple -- never! We have been enemies

    for centuries, we are not on talking terms."

    But boys are boys, and because both were prevented,

    both were anxious... So one day, going to the market to

    fetch some vegetables, they met on the road. And one

    boy asked the other -- this was the Shinto boy, coming

    from the Shinto temple. He asked the Zen boy, "Where

    are you going?"

    And the Zen boy said, "Wherever the wind takes me."

    He had been listening to his master, all kinds of

    things, so he had also got the taste of Zen. He said,

    "Wherever the wind takes me."

    The Shinto boy was shocked at this. What to answer?

    He wanted to make friends, but this boy seemed to be

    completely uninterested; he had completely cut him

    short. There was no way for conversation -- now what to

    say? He is saying, "Wherever the wind takes me..."

    Very sad, he came to his master and told him, "I did

    not obey you, I am sorry. I was just inquisitive,

    curious to know about the other boy. I was feeling

    alone, and I thought he must be also feeling alone. And

    your temples may have been for centuries antagonistic,

    but we are just boys. We can be friends.

    "But you were right; it was not good to ask.

    Certainly those people are dangerous. I asked the boy,

    Where are you going?' and he said,Wherever the wind

    takes me.'"

    The master said, "I had warned you. Now tomorrow, you

    go again and stand at the same place, and when that Zen

    boy comes, you ask him again: `Where are you going?'

    And when he says, `Wherever the wind takes me,' just

    ask him, `If the wind is not blowing, then...?'"

    The boy went. He stood at the same place, watched.

    The Zen boy was coming. He asked him, "Where are you

    going?" And the boy said, "Wherever the legs take me."

    Now he could not answer what the master said, "If the

    wind is not blowing..." It would be absurd to answer

    that. He came very sad to the Shinto master and said,

    "Those people are very strange! That boy changed his

    whole approach! I asked the same question, but he said,

    `Wherever the legs take me.'"

    The master said, "I have been warning you. Now you

    are unnecessarily getting defeated and that means a

    defeat for our temple. This is not good. You go again!

    And tomorrow you stand in the same place, and when the

    boy comes you ask, `Where are you going?' and when he

    says Wherever the legs take me,' ask him:If you were

    crippled, then would you go anywhere or not?'"

    So, utterly happy, the boy went again, stood in the

    same place, watched. The boy came out of the temple. He

    asked, "Where are you going?" utterly happy that now he

    knows the answer.

    And the boy said, "I am going to fetch some

    vegetables." Now the situation again becomes absolutely

    different. He cannot say, "If you were crippled..." he

    cannot say, "If the wind is not blowing..." So he

    returned, very angry, and said to the master, "Those

    people are strange! Even the boy is strange."

    The master said, "I have been telling you, but you

    won't understand."

    The story is exactly the same. The significance is

    that each moment is so new and so fresh that nothing

    old is to be repeated. That Zen boy has understood from

    his master and his constant dialogue with the disciples

    that nothing can be repeated, because the situation is

    never the same.

    So every moment you have to respond freshly -- out of

    your consciousness, just like a mirror.

    0
  • K

    Thank you.

    0
  • H

    kyprincess,

    so do not try to manage it. The more you try to manage it, the more entangled you will become in new kinds of chains in new imprisonments. Then you would move from one cell of the prison into another cell, that´s all.

    0