Need Help Coping Today
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My boyfriend said he had to be with an old girlfriend so we could move on together. She flew in yesterday and spent the night. I haven't heard a word from him since he picked up her at the airport. Despite how much he told me he loves me and I'm the "one" he wants to spend his life with I awoke with a terrible sense of dread this morning. Am I overreacting?
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kyprincess,
Am I overreacting? No.
But you should be capable of adjusting with people.
It is not only a question of music; it is deeper than
that -- otherwise you will become a nun. By and by
that sets the trend in a certain direction. Then you
will not want to mix with people, because whenever you
mix with people you have to compromise. Alone you are
absolutely free. Then by and by you will start receding
from relationships, because that too is a compromise.
One feels responsible for the other, one has to
consider the other, and it is not always according to
you. It is not always the way you would like it to be.
Sometimes you have to go against your will: because the
other is going, you have to go.
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So the truth is he lied to me? That's extremely cruel after being together for nearly a year.
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kyprincess,
So the truth is he lied to me? Yes, certainly, it is so obvious!
Just go into the silent space within you. You go into your room, into your own space.
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He tried to call me and I refused to talk. I went out last night was bombarded by men. It was overwhelming. I couldn't even have a good time despite all the free drinks. I couldn't get him out of my mind. My heart still belongs to him because I know without me he just wanders aimlessly. He's not grounded at all.
He wanted to call this morning and I relented. He says he loves me. His pain is palpable. He says sometimes things have to come a full 180. I have to wait until it does.
I could hear the love in his voice.
Or maybe I'm just clueless and stubborn.
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He tried to call me and I refused to talk. I went out last night was bombarded by men. It was overwhelming. I couldn't even have a good time despite all the free drinks. I couldn't get him out of my mind. My heart still belongs to him because I know without me he just wanders aimlessly. He's not grounded at all.
He wanted to call this morning and I relented. He says he loves me. His pain is palpable. He says sometimes things have to come a full 180. I have to wait until it does.
I could hear the love in his voice.
Or maybe I'm just clueless and stubborn.
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kyprincess,
that reminds me about a small story that will help you
to understand:
There were two temples in Japan, both antagonistic to
each other. One belonged to Shinto, another belonged to
Zen. And for centuries they had been quarreling,
arguing against each other. Both had masters, and they
both had young boys, because the masters were old and
they needed somebody to help them, to bring vegetables
or cook food. Those small boys helped them.
Both told the small boys, "Don't talk to the other
boy of the other temple -- never! We have been enemies
for centuries, we are not on talking terms."
But boys are boys, and because both were prevented,
both were anxious... So one day, going to the market to
fetch some vegetables, they met on the road. And one
boy asked the other -- this was the Shinto boy, coming
from the Shinto temple. He asked the Zen boy, "Where
are you going?"
And the Zen boy said, "Wherever the wind takes me."
He had been listening to his master, all kinds of
things, so he had also got the taste of Zen. He said,
"Wherever the wind takes me."
The Shinto boy was shocked at this. What to answer?
He wanted to make friends, but this boy seemed to be
completely uninterested; he had completely cut him
short. There was no way for conversation -- now what to
say? He is saying, "Wherever the wind takes me..."
Very sad, he came to his master and told him, "I did
not obey you, I am sorry. I was just inquisitive,
curious to know about the other boy. I was feeling
alone, and I thought he must be also feeling alone. And
your temples may have been for centuries antagonistic,
but we are just boys. We can be friends.
"But you were right; it was not good to ask.
Certainly those people are dangerous. I asked the boy,
Where are you going?' and he said,Wherever the windtakes me.'"
The master said, "I had warned you. Now tomorrow, you
go again and stand at the same place, and when that Zen
boy comes, you ask him again: `Where are you going?'
And when he says, `Wherever the wind takes me,' just
ask him, `If the wind is not blowing, then...?'"
The boy went. He stood at the same place, watched.
The Zen boy was coming. He asked him, "Where are you
going?" And the boy said, "Wherever the legs take me."
Now he could not answer what the master said, "If the
wind is not blowing..." It would be absurd to answer
that. He came very sad to the Shinto master and said,
"Those people are very strange! That boy changed his
whole approach! I asked the same question, but he said,
`Wherever the legs take me.'"
The master said, "I have been warning you. Now you
are unnecessarily getting defeated and that means a
defeat for our temple. This is not good. You go again!
And tomorrow you stand in the same place, and when the
boy comes you ask, `Where are you going?' and when he
says
Wherever the legs take me,' ask him:If you werecrippled, then would you go anywhere or not?'"
So, utterly happy, the boy went again, stood in the
same place, watched. The boy came out of the temple. He
asked, "Where are you going?" utterly happy that now he
knows the answer.
And the boy said, "I am going to fetch some
vegetables." Now the situation again becomes absolutely
different. He cannot say, "If you were crippled..." he
cannot say, "If the wind is not blowing..." So he
returned, very angry, and said to the master, "Those
people are strange! Even the boy is strange."
The master said, "I have been telling you, but you
won't understand."
The story is exactly the same. The significance is
that each moment is so new and so fresh that nothing
old is to be repeated. That Zen boy has understood from
his master and his constant dialogue with the disciples
that nothing can be repeated, because the situation is
never the same.
So every moment you have to respond freshly -- out of
your consciousness, just like a mirror.
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Thank you.
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kyprincess,
so do not try to manage it. The more you try to manage it, the more entangled you will become in new kinds of chains in new imprisonments. Then you would move from one cell of the prison into another cell, that´s all.