I need help and a true answer!



  • mine 12-17-61 his 12-18-57

    my life has never been the same since our divorce. our divorce was because of the evil and horrible things my husbands son 12-24-90 put our relationship through and our 3 kids through. my husband dicided to divorce and devote his life his his 15 yrs.old son problems. now the his son is 19 going on 20 in Dec. I see a chance a strong chance to reunite and working now. I have endured not dating, I've tried, but to no availe i just can't seem to find another that captured my heart like he did. according to our kids, he's been single too all 3 yrs.

    I am trying to win his heart again, and maybe have been all 3 yrs. apart. I just can't seem to get past the fact or wondering what life would be like together, with his son now moved out of his home.now, in my eyes we have a chance to really see how good it could be with his son drama gone and his sons harmful ways away from our children.

    my Question is: do you see him and i coming back together with my persistance in wanting to try again. will he truely love me like he did and can we start fresh together and raise our 3 children like a family fully in love and devoted like we once were, before his son interference?

    can anyone help me? i need to know, i've been alone a long long time. am i wasting my time or will my love 12-18-57 return to me 12-17-61?



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  • quenkath,thank you for responding, i do understand his son won't be out of his life. i can except that., like a bad mother-in-law. but why are we not together raising our children now. Do you believe he is still single like me? do you see him still in love with me, and happy I'm not seeing anyone, & still in love with him? do you see us with back together and when? what month and year if possible.



  • Dearest Captain, his son was a violent child at age 6. when i first gave birth my first child. by 6 months old, as she strolled in her walking three wheel rolly thing, my mom witness his son, as age 6 through her and the whole card on it's side, striking her head on the floor. when told to my husband, he said she was in my way. as the years went, and she started walking it got worse. I protected them as much as i could. his son through her against a wall, the boy denied it, i mean right after it happened and she crying and telling, the father does nothing, he his son tells the father, i don't know what she talking about?" this violent behavior continued, I suggested to my husband, we get him help, HELP!! he shouted, nothings wrong with my boy! as the years went by enduring lies from his son violet attacks on our daughter, i had child #2 a son. same thing violet, i lost love for that son of his, i was so worried about how this is affecting our children s lives, through Thick and Thin! Right! well as my son started getting older, his son started destroying his toys, he'd walk past my son and stick his leg out to trip him, elbow slams in the face, pushing him down. But never, I mean Never, in front of his father. all the complaining to my husband, went un punish. and we the kids and i looked like liars. what a horrible thing to endure, when your own husband doesn't believe you or the children. The final blow was when his son started being nice to our daughter, he was 15 and she was 9. I mentioned to my husband.. wow, he's finally got past that violent stage, inviting her to his room to play video games.. i thought everything was great, until i found out he was sexual assaulting her, i went OFF completely Nuts, he hadn't changed i called cps there was court etc.etc and he admitting and was convicted of 27 counts of sexual assault. and I wonder, us both being still single after all these years, we deserve a second chance, a chance to raise our kids with out all his sons drama and violent behavior.

    so I ask you: do you see him returning his love to me, giving me his heart again, so we can have a normal life. with our 3 children? i can accept his son in my husbands life, i just don't want him around our kids. i believe his son has mental issues his son d.o.b. 12-24-90.

    do we have a chance again?



  • dear quenkath, his son was a violent child at age 6. when i first gave birth my first child. by 6 months old, as she strolled in her walking three wheel rolly thing, my mom witness his son, as age 6 through her and the whole card on it's side, striking her head on the floor. when told to my husband, he said she was in my way. as the years went, and she started walking it got worse. I protected them as much as i could. his son through her against a wall, the boy denied it, i mean right after it happened and she crying and telling, the father does nothing, he his son tells the father, i don't know what she talking about?" this violent behavior continued, I suggested to my husband, we get him help, HELP!! he shouted, nothings wrong with my boy! as the years went by enduring lies from his son violet attacks on our daughter, i had child #2 a son. same thing violet, i lost love for that son of his, i was so worried about how this is affecting our children s lives, through Thick and Thin! Right! well as my son started getting older, his son started destroying his toys, he'd walk past my son and stick his leg out to trip him, elbow slams in the face, pushing him down. But never, I mean Never, in front of his father. all the complaining to my husband, went un punish. and we the kids and i looked like liars. what a horrible thing to endure, when your own husband doesn't believe you or the children. The final blow was when his son started being nice to our daughter, he was 15 and she was 9. I mentioned to my husband.. wow, he's finally got past that violent stage, inviting her to his room to play video games.. i thought everything was great, until i found out he was sexual assaulting her, i went OFF completely Nuts, he hadn't changed i called cps there was court etc.etc and he admitting and was convicted of 27 counts of sexual assault. and I wonder, us both being still single after all these years, we deserve a second chance, a chance to raise our kids with out all his sons drama and violent behavior.

    so I ask you: do you see him returning his love to me, giving me his heart again, so we can have a normal life. with our 3 children? i can accept his son in my husbands life, i just don't want him around our kids. i believe his son has mental issues his son d.o.b. 12-24-90.

    do we have a chance again?



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  • quenkath~ No we've been apart fore three years. married 11 yrs. it wasn't my husbands ,

    it was my husbands son @ age 15. who did this to our kids. (which was 3 yrs.ago)

    I've was in counseling for two years and my kids too. they the counselors are all glad i didn't kill the kill his on. i called c.p.s.

    Quenkath, why am i stuck on believing that now that my x-husbands son who is 19 now and not living at home, why am i still clinging for a life with my x-husband? I'm still single and so is he, why do i think there is hope for us as a family me, my-x and our 3 children. why do i cling to having us back together? is it because i finally feel we have a chance to be a real family? raising our 3 kids with out his evil son around would really work? I'm not saying life would be perfect, we all have to go through rough times. but, it's a journey.



  • Dear Marie & Quenkath

    Excuse me for butting in, but could I ask where this boy's birth mother is/? It seems as if your ex has been trying to 'save' his eldest son....which is noble in intent at least. Can I assume that by 'evil' you mean s. e. x. u. a. l. assaults? Could he not have been fostered out? Could it have been kept out of court? Or was it too serious? Peace and love



  • dear highpriestess3, it was kept out of court for 6 months, my husband thought, "we'll keep our eye on everything. yes the evil was his son brutel attacks on my children and then also the sexual assault.

    after 6 months, when his son still continued to denie all alligations from our daughter, he did it again to our 7 yr.old son (at the time) his son showed him Porn on the free internet and made my seven yr.old give him a b****w job and hand stock him, as my son said, "till whilt stuff came out'...my husband was indenile, believed his first born son, over his two younger children...when my husband refused to talk about the second attack on our children, and refused to get his son help, being that his son denied it. he said de wanted a devorce, and that i was the problem? me i don't know what i did, except believe my children. that when c.p.s. got involved, and in my mind, i just thought his son will be out of the house, getting the help he needs and we could go back to havign our children healed. with there two loving parents.

    the boy real mom, lived about 40 miles away, and hsi son, as he became a little old wanted to be with his friends and not his real mom on visitations she was allowed. the real mom hated my husband for getting full custody and i believe did everything she could to make her son never listen to me, cause i was not the real mom. my step son definance to order in the house, just to do routine chores,cleaning his room, homework etc. was a nightmare. I beleive my husband was afraid of the boy mom, she was violent too. and sis dome crazy stuff while we were married. always causing trouble. my husband just couldn't deal with her. and it made raising his son with our own children very hard.

    sincerely, mcfmauigirl/ marie581



  • Dear Marie

    Sorry to be intrusive, but did someone abuse your husband's son? He was not born violent surely? Your husband has blamed you for losing control of the situation and letting his son be convicted as a s. e. x. offender. Your husband has thrown away 3 other children and

    yourself for the sake of his oldest son. I think you and your children deserve better than that, especially your children.Do they want him back? O r are they happier without him?

    Have you got times of birth and place please and I can then have a look at the relationship between the 3 of you. Sorry I can't be more specific with you about what you want to know at the moment, until i have this data.

    Thanks.



  • Marie and Mauigirl is the same poster? it's really confusing for you to switch profiles here and act like it's not a big deal.

    if you really want a truthful answer regarding your step son and ex, is that you are not in your right mind period. you sound delusional if you think anything will be different. get a clue!



  • Ms Sunny yes, my computer , this computer saying my name as mcfmauigirl wouldn't connect and i went to my old one i agve to my kids in the family room. i got on to see if anyone replied and i came up as marie581, so i just sigbed both names so it wouldn't be confusing for you or anyone, because The Captain, asked me the same thing.

    funny thing is when we were first divorced my children and i had to go to counseling, i was told the same thing, that i was delusional into thiking anything would change. they said your x is selfish and will never change. but, then again at the same time, my x was taking care of his on on another island, not here with me and our children. his boy neededto serve 6 months in juvinile jail and 18 months at a half way house. For what ever reason, his son still does not live here on this Island with my x-. because of the jont custody, the courts also said his son can not even be with i 100' of his fathers property nor live or visit there. that order was just given Oct.2009.

    So, that's why i ask, since i have forgiven his son, I've written the son letters that i forgave him, and his son in turn called me a stocking Bitch and to stay the f==k away from him. of course that unsets me that , to me he hasn't learned a thing, in jail nor in his therapy. I still don't want him around my children. does that make me, still seem subconsciencely delusional for wanting our family together. just knowing his son doesn't live on this Island seens to me a possiblility. That's why I ask. will we ever get back together.



  • Dear Marie

    Is it possible for you to let go and leave well alone? It seems that your husbnd is incapable of protecting his children....any of them. Why jeopardise your 3 other children? Can''t you put their wellbeing before your need for romance? Please find a better man ...this one has rejected all 4 of you..please give him and his son up...they both blame you ...and let your children grow up unmolested. Can you give up this quest? Somehow I doubt it.........but I would like you to stop writing letters to the both of them.........you're wasting your time.

    Sorry if this is not what you want to hear.

    Peace and love



  • My word ! What a mess!!!!, Marie: What makes you think that you would want this man back into your life with your childern? He did divorce you because of his son and his problems. It sounds to me that you are irational. He allowed the abuse of his other children and therefore you were also abused by your husband. I cannot imagine what for any reason you would want to have him back! I am not sure if I can put words to my feelings about your story. Here is something for you

    DO NOT CONTACT HIM

    DO NOT PUT HIM BEFORE YOUR CHILDREN THAT HAVE BEEN MOLESTED AND UNPROTECTED BY THE VERY MAN YOU WANT BACK, THIER SO CALLED FATHER!!

    SEEK HELP FROM PROFESSIONALS THAT CAN HELP YOU WITH YOUR EMOTIONAL PROBLEMS!

    STAY AWAY FROM HIM

    Now I understand that you will think " yeah but I love him" BULL SHIAT! You don't really, your wanting to live in a fairy tale with a happy ending,,,,but there will be no fairy tale here only pain and heartach for you and your childen. I dont need to be a Psychic to know this, it will be so.



  • Not unless you stop resenting HIS son. Just because he is out of his father's home doesn't mean that he's out of his father's life. After three years, you still hold a grudge against him. This is the wedge between you and your ex--who may well still love you. Heal yourself before you even think about trying to restore the relationship. You seem to have an idealistic view of a family unit minus the boy. All will not be well, even if the both of you reconcile, if issues from the original family unit aren't addressed. Forgiveness is needed here whatever the outcome.



  • dear light-en-dark, my kids still see there dad in our joint custody he gets them for 7 days, then we switch, i get them for 7 days.We switch every Monday after school or at 2:00pm, this arrangment has been going on for 31/2 yrs.now.

    So it's not like I can keep my children away from him. It's a court order. my children were not Molested my by husabnd, they were molested by his son, who he believed over his children. he couldn't fathem his son doing this. especially since his son justin 12-24-1990 continued lying that"i don't know what there talking about" he'd say to his father"there all just lying about me, cause they all hate me" I forgive his son for his mental illness and lies, i like everyone else, just don't want him around my children. And as an added bonus, the courts ordered the same thing. my children are never around my( x's glenn12-18-57) son justin 12-24-90.

    i would never ask my x to abandon his son. But with the no contact order and his son not able to be on or near his fathers property, what makes it impoosible from keeping us from getting through this together, instead of living apart as we are and have been. we are both singlel? my kids say, daddy still loves me. So, i can't figure out why we stay apart.

    All i know is that my x's (son 12-24-90) doesn't forgive me for turning him him to the authorities. I can forgive his son for being selfish, i still don't want his son around me or my kids.and since he's not around, not even on the same island, why can't my x 7 i and our children start to rebuild our family life?



  • Dear archerbow: Not unless you stop resenting HIS son. Just because he is out of his father's home doesn't mean that he's out of his father's life. After three years, you still hold a grudge against him. This is the wedge between you and your ex--who may well still love you. Heal yourself before you even think about trying to restore the relationship. You seem to have an idealistic view of a family unit minus the boy. All will not be well, even if the both of you reconcile, if issues from the original family unit aren't addressed. Forgiveness is needed here whatever the outcome.

    RE: my step son will always be a minus in my children life for at least the next 7 yrs. it's a court order, thank goodness.I guess the only resentment i have towards my x's son is that all his son choices for deviding our family up with lies,deseption and molestation, it seems like nothing changed. child and family services ordered this boy 12-24-90, in order to heal, his son needs to apologize to my children and i in a controled enviroment with psychatist and couselors. his son has been running free now for a year in a half, and still till this day nothing. In my oppinion, his refuses to follow through, which keeps us from moving forward as a possible family unit. the family unit that lives on this Island, while his son lives his live on another island. i don't want to sound unrealistic, it just seems so unfair to live apart when we all could be having so much fun and making memories for a stable inviroment , after all the drama my x's his (son) tore apart. it seems like everyone feels i'm asking too much. i just can't seem to understand why my x husband can't get past what his son did and move forward with what we have. him myslef and our 3 children. since my x's son can not be in our lives for the next 7 yrs. anyways. it just seems a waste of a good family.



  • Dear Marie

    Why can't you rebuild your family life?

    Either(1) Because your ex-husband doesn't want to.

    (2) The Court is keeping you 2 apart for a reason....which

    is?? ,,,,,, zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz v



  • Sorry...gremlins in my computer.

    Why haven't you got your children full-time?

    Thanks