Will he return?

  • mine 12-17-61 his 12-18-57

    my life has never been the same since our divorce. our divorce was because of the evil and horrible things my husbands son 12-24-90 put our relationship through and our 3 kids through. my husband dicided to divorce and devote his life his his 15 yrs.old son problems. now the his son is 19 going on 20 in Dec. I see a chance a strong chance to reunite and working now. I have endured not dating, I've tried, but to no availe i just can't seem to find another that captured my heart like he did. according to our kids, he's been single too all 3 yrs.

    I am trying to win his heart again, and maybe have been all 3 yrs. apart. I just can't seem to get past the fact or wondering what life would be like together, with his son now moved out of his home.now, in my eyes we have a chance to really see how good it could be with his son drama gone and his sons harmful ways away from our children.

    my Question is: do you see him and i coming back together with my persistance in wanting to try again. will he truely love me like he did and can we start fresh together and raise our 3 children like a family fully in love and devoted like we once were, before his son interference?

    can anyone help me? i need to know, i've been alone a long long time. am i wasting my time or will my love 12-18-57 return to me 12-17-61?

  • You and your ex are so very similar - too simialr - and you have a shared tendency to think big, so you might be overlooking some important details that may be staring you right in the face. You two can be so intent on seeing the forest that you miss the trees and allow your idealistic visions to get in the way of your performance of necessary everyday tasks. You can both become dependent on others to clear up after you, and since such services rarely come for free, a good bookkeeper, accountant, domestic helper, and yard worker for a start, may be necessary. If you two don't see what you want to see, you may ignore all kinds of warning signals until it is too late. You should perhaps rely on a third party to serve this function, one who would encourage you to kick off your high-energy projects. But alas, this relationship between you and your ex doesn't grant these and other benefits.

    A love affair, marriage or friendship here is highly optimistic, at times too much so. Your shared inability to see that your relationship doesn't warrant such confidence can guarantee bewilderment and despair for both of you if things fall apart. Mcfmauigirl, you wanted your marriage to be impossibly great and this problem with your husband's son interfered with that impossible dream. When the harsh reality that your husband had to devote himself to his struggling son interrupted your dream, you couldn't handle it. Instead of dealing with what was in front of you, you retreated into blame. Your husband meanwhile faced reality and saw what needed to be done. His son did not make your marriage fail - it was never destined to work.

    You and your ex's heads are too much in the clouds for you to be successful together. Together you get nowhere and achieve nothing. You both need a partner whose feet are firmly on the ground. You need to stop imagining the perfect life - which doesn't exist - and go out and find a more realistic and practical mate if you ever want to find real - and not imagined - happiness..

  • Dearest Captain, his son was a violent child at age 6. when i first gave birth my first child. by 6 months old, as she strolled in her walking three wheel rolly thing, my mom witness his son, as age 6 through her and the whole card on it's side, striking her head on the floor. when told to my husband, he said she was in my way. as the years went, and she started walking it got worse. I protected them as much as i could. his son through her against a wall, the boy denied it, i mean right after it happened and she crying and telling, the father does nothing, he his son tells the father, i don't know what she talking about?" this violent behavior continued, I suggested to my husband, we get him help, HELP!! he shouted, nothings wrong with my boy! as the years went by enduring lies from his son violet attacks on our daughter, i had child #2 a son. same thing violet, i lost love for that son of his, i was so worried about how this is affecting our children s lives, through Thick and Thin! Right! well as my son started getting older, his son started destroying his toys, he'd walk past my son and stick his leg out to trip him, elbow slams in the face, pushing him down. But never, I mean Never, in front of his father. all the complaining to my husband, went un punish. and we the kids and i looked like liars. what a horrible thing to endure, when your own husband doesn't believe you or the children. The final blow was when his son started being nice to our daughter, he was 15 and she was 9. I mentioned to my husband.. wow, he's finally got past that violent stage, inviting her to his room to play video games.. i thought everything was great, until i found out he was sexual assaulting her, i went OFF completely Nuts, he hadn't changed i called cps there was court etc.etc and he admitting and was convicted of 27 counts of sexual assault. and I wonder, us both being still single after all these years, we deserve a second chance, a chance to raise our kids with out all his sons drama and violent behavior.

    so I ask you: do you see him returning his love to me, giving me his heart again, so we can have a normal life. with our 3 children? i can accept his son in my husbands life, i just don't want him around our kids. i believe his son has mental issues his son d.o.b. 12-24-90.

    do we have a chance again?

  • No, because your natures do not make for a lasting relationship.

  • wow, .........thanks , i'll go cry now.....

  • can you tell me if i will ever have love again in my life? if not with my x 12-18-57 , then with whom?

    can anyone see... a time, date or first name ?

    marie 12-17-61 born: Sunday @ 3.28pm

    i'm so lonely

  • Marie - I will interject - not with a reading but with my own current expereince. My oldest daughter is not nearly as violent and cruel as your stepson was. But she is very smart and does not have much empathy for other people. SHe is a "princess" Our 9 year old is developmentally delayed and sometimes the older sister can be very cruel to her. SOmetimes she is great , but often not. If I ask the oldest one to clean her room , she smart off at me, calls me names, etc. She has done this since she was about 10. DHr feigns fear of me. If I persist and try to get her to do things she continues to do what whe wants. SHe incites argumants.

    SHe will call her dad at work and tell him I am killing her. SHe tells so many stories - to her counselors, etc that we had CPS come out and interview us. My husband always takes her side. He does not discipline her or MAKE her do anything to earn privileges or rewards. He does not take privileges away for disobeying house rules or for taking other people's things in the house. SO I am always the bad guy and the liar. My husband is mister good guy. My husband left and took her to another house to live with him and he wanted a divorce. THey came back for a while now because of econmics but there is little change in either how she treats me or how he treats me or how he treats her.

    He still does not listen to ME. He believes her story and even if she desverves to be disciplined, he won't do it.

    I believe that we will still wind up getting divorced. Because he did not act like a father. Because he allowed her to manupulate the situation to her own advantage. Because HE allowed HER behavior to cause a rift in the family and in our own partnership.

    EVen if she got world's better and she may) and we stayed together, I feel that I was betrayed because he should have looked at what she was doing and how she was causing the problems instead of taking the easy road and letting her have her way instead of doing the tough thing and addressing the problem.

    I do not think that you will get back together with your x.. His loyalty was to his oldest son - not to you.

    He will still be there for the children you had together. But I doubt that he will ever admit that he made a mistake by not listening to you and that he should have done something about it. Your's and his daughter was injured because of his blindness to the truth. I don't think he would be able to live with you knowing that his early inaction was largely to blame. I don't think that your relationship is likely to ever be the way it was. I think it is irreparably damaged.

    That's just my thoughts. Nothing psychic. No readings. Just from what I have seen and learned. I am lucky that my daughter is not nearly as problematic as your stepson.

    But I know that, despite that my husband cares for me, I am not at the top of his priority list.

    Putting on a good face for his family and friends and making himself look good is always top priority. Admitting that his daughter needed help would be like admitting that he himself was somehow flawed. Indeed he gives less to the younger disabled daughter that to the older daughter. And me - I came after the family, the friends, on line video games, football, golf, baseball and every other form of "fun" he could find. I no longer wish to be last on the list for attention. That is where I would be and I now know it %100 because he would not even play the part of a father and back me up as the mother.

  • omg turledust, you understand. that is exactly what i went through, things i sdidn't even mention the talking back, no disapline to his son. OMG that's the story of my relationship. It's so unreal, isn't it, that i feel the same way second to his son. Thank you for shaing that with me. even if we didn't get back together, i sure wish he'd include me in his life. like wh4en he goes to the beach, he asked if I'd join him or something. you know do fun family things together, that his own son never wanted to do. things we couldn't do as a family because of his son always getting his way. so so sad, that my x now, just can't admit he was wrong. i can forgive him for not knowing what to do. but to admit it would mean, like you said admitting he failed. he did fail, his son. he failed me. but all had always beleived we could work it out. especially now that his son lives somewhere else and his son has a girlfriend now.

    I'm such a hopefully fanatic. my x tells me, we could of worked it out, if I didn't tell so many of our friends and family what happened. Ha! i said i wouldn't of told our friends and family if you just stayed and we together figured out what to do next. #1 would be to get his son help and away from our children. No, I was concidered a trouble maker and a liar. in his eyes. crazy huh?

    thanks so very much for talking to me. I really appreciate it.

    sincerely, mcfmauigirl / marie581

  • As much as you believed that your marriage could be a fairytale of romance, Marie, so your ex-husband believed his son would be OK without any treatment - because both of you believe in unreality and fantasy. So you see why you are bad together? You both need practical down-to-earth partners.

    Of course you will find love again, if you want to. But you have to let go of all hopes for your ex to come back or you will never move onto anyone else. This is why you are alone at the moment - you don't want a new man, you want the old one. Clinging to an old dream is preventing you attracting anyone new. Until you give up your impossible hopes, there is no one coming into your life at present. They can't get in - you are blocking their entry by turning your back to look into the past. The new man is in your future, not your past.

  • So true! How do we block the past so we can move forward? I have the same problem- living with past illusions.

  • Thanks Captain, I understand. It's hard to do, but your right that's why I'm alone.

  • mcfmauigirl

    Yes - my daughter always got what she wanted. If we went out to dinner and I said I wanted to

    go to a small CHinese restaurant, she would throw a fir until we went where whe wanted to go. Everything was always about her. For her. One day I told my husband - you treat her like a girlfriend and you treat me like a maid and an indentured servant. He said I was jealous and acting like a child. I work full time and then come home and have to work with the younger one and take care of the mes that they made and clean up my own stuff and spend the weekends doing laundry and yardwork and cleaning the bathroom, while the 15 year old takes all day of me telling her over and over and over to get something done that takes 20 minutes. WHen I try to get daddy to tell her to do it he says I am too demanding. I had to ask my husband for 4 weeks to clean the shower that he uses and no one else uses. Then he noticed that the clip jolding the shower door came unglued so the shower doors were swinging freely. He said he would glue it or fix it or something. I jumped in the shower really quickly today just to rinse off.

    When I was getting out, the door swung away about 2 inches and swung back and shattered all over because he had not fixed the clip. So I stood there bleeding and crying because I couldn't move - there was glass everywhere. The littlest girl could have been standing on the other side of the door as she often does that. I was so mad. He doesn't care enough about the safety of his kids or me to take care of something like this. I am the one who is always trying to fix these things. He is negligent of things in the house and the kids and my needs ingeneral. But he has a good kob and I cannot pay all the bills myself and he would not pay me enough support to take care of myself and the youngest daughter . That is the way he is. It has been like this for 20 years. If I had not gotten so deeply in debt, never would have had him move back in and I guess we would be getting on with our seperate lives now. The debt was largely due to his lack of preparation. But he will never admit it. The damage has been done. I only hope that my oldest daughter sees that I am not the bad guy someday and tat I wanted the best for her and for her to learn some responsibility.

  • Exactly...I swear! it's so unfair, it truely is the story of my own marriage.

    Thank You so very much for sharing your story with me. I don't feel so alone in my struggle to want some respect.

  • i think go with your heart and dont let anyone tell you what you should or shouldnt do..... talk to your ex husband ask him does he want to try again with some sort of councolling????? if he says yes then go for it if not then try your best to move forward!!!! after all you have 3 kids together!!!! is he worth the fight??????? is your family worth the fight!!!! nothing is written in stone and god is in charge on one or nothing else is in charge only you!!!!! go do what you feel is right for you!!!!! talk to him.....

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