Cancer man.....What do i do?
Hi all, I am new to this this, but have been following these sites for a long time and finally decided to join in. My sanity has been saved over and over thanks to everyone here. I myself am going through confusion with Cancer guy, but also have a good understanding how they operate and knowing some of the traits if this is what I really want.
Can someone please give me their opinion on this matter.
After a long wait for Cancerian man, he pursues me, for dinner and drinks, after a few more dates he asks me to join him on a cruise to celebrate his birthday. (a couple of his family members went along as well). My 2 girls spent the summer with their dad in another state, so I was alone for the summer. Things seemed to go well, slowly but that was okay, I liked that too. I went on doing my own things, not waiting around for him. I would hear from him almost everyday, text or phone. One day out on a drive, He did tell me he didn't want commitment that was about 6 weeks into the dating thing and in conversation said he may find me the love of my life. I was stunned by this comment, and did not answer to him. Later when he was in a good mood, I told him I felt hurt by that comment ,and he said I misunderstood him, he told me, what he was saying is, maybe he is the love of my life or I will find someone else while I was with him? Things went on as normal. My girls came back from being with their dad, the next day, I had to have a minor surgery, while I was recovering at the surgery place I get a text from Cancer man saying how you doing? Saw your exs van outside your place as I drove into town. My ex was saying goodbye to the girls thats all. After this incident, he would not answer my call, or text. I let it be, knowing he needed to cool of, I sent a text 2 days after, (he wasn't going to answer the phone, I had no choice), I told him basically in a gentle way, I know something has hurt you and when you are ready to talk about it let me know. 2 weeks later, nothing from him, so I thought I would send him a brief text, just thinking about you and if you are doing okay. The next morning I get a text from him, he says, apologize for no communication, no excuse, still working away, will need to visit when I get back. Still no word from him. Its almost a month.
Was the commitment thing a red flag? Was i just summer company for him? Why take me on a cruise? Was he developing feelings for me then backed off, but why do this just as my girls get back home. I am just getting on with my life, I do miss him but @ the same time wish i knew what his intentions are. I have known him for a couple of years prior, our girls go to school together and are friends. I did send him one last email again very brief (3 lines) and did say his friendship is very important to me. I have done enough on my part now, no more contact from me. I do really like him, even though he has some personal issues, it was more about the emotional connection with him that I liked. Hope I explained this okay.
Please, if anyone can tell me what they think of this situation, I would be grateful.
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I answered you on the other thread you posted on.
i will just repeat it here.
your cancer man is very insecure. he overreacts to just about everything. he ducks and weaves when he feels there is too much pressure from others.
wishing you magic Sunny
Thanks so much. I actually just replied to you on the other thread, sorry for the goof up, I will stick to my replies here. I know I haven't pressured him at all. I give him all the space he needs and I like my space too. He did go through a nasty divorce also he has a very high position in his job, he does travel every other week, this sounds strange but I like that. I am being very cautious too, My ex left me after 25 yrs being together (Aires), married for 21 of that. I have also dated a few guys, but none did it for me. I am intuitive, but i just can't read this crab!
oops, I answered you on the other thread. here is my answer I just copied, and pasted it here.
OMG! I collect heart shape rocks whenever I go for walks in parks or farm fields. and then I put them in my garden. that is so cool..
I think it means you have a loving heart, open, and honest. and that you are surrounded by love. not just from that cancer guy, but you have wonderful friends who care for you more than you know. even in spirit, your angels and guides are looking out for you and guiding you to your next love.
I doubt if you will be single much longer... probably in about a year or so. definitely you will find a good man.
I don't think cancer guy is ready to depart from your life. he is very afraid you will reject him. the competition can be too much for him. so... he would rather go in hiding,and until he gathers strength to face up to his demons and overcome his fear and lack of trust. can take years with this guy. lol
wishing you magic.. Sunny
OMG back @ you!! I can't believe you collect heart rocks too! I just went by my garden and just sitting there another little heart shape rock. You are so right about my Angels and Guides, because just yesterday, I had a little emotional breakdown, I admit I get a little overwhelmed with life sometimes, but I am resilient, and called on them for guidiance, then, I went out side to work on my garden and thats when I found 12 heart shaped rocks, just sitting there on the surface. Thats when I knew I am going to be okay. I am so blessed with great friends here, so grateful beyond words. Long story,but the short of it, I am originally from Australia, and I couldn't have asked for better people in my life.....Everyday I say God Bless America!
Sunny, I want to give some of these rocks away, I have heard that finding love heart rocks is equivilent to finding a four leaf clover! 2 of the nurses where I work were just diagnosed with cancer and I want to give them a heart, a healing heart.....Is it okay to give them away?
Back to cancer man, I hope to get an opportunity to be with him, if its meant to be. You mentioned I will find a good man, so I gather not all American men are like that! lol
Thanks Sunny for everything, in fact, my new little heart rock will be named after you, because you have given me hope.
Let the stars shine on you
oh wow, you made me cry... that was the most touching and beautiful compliment ever! even my hubby can't top that! hahaha
I went out in my garden to count mine.. I have more than 20.. so I am thinking because you found 12 in your garden I feel that is a sign from your guides. I would wonder if 12 is for timing. 12 days, 12 weeks, or 12 months. 12 months in a year, and I feel that is about right time. within a year 's time frame, your love will come to you.
If Cancer man is the one, and you and he are happy, then go for it. my feeling about him, is that is a good man, just loaded with insecurities which could hold him back. nasty divorce eh? that could be an obstacle.
I don't think he is gone from your life... give him a chance to come around, and make it up to you. if not him, someone else will take his place.
so, you are an aussie? yes, I think American men are good, just too much tarzan and jane. not to mention John wayne riding his horse and picking up a woman, and throws her down on the couch. lol the strong and silent type. women have come a long way.
god bless, and wishing you magic.. Sunny
oh and thank you for naming your heart rock "Sunny" that is sooooooo sweeeeeet of you!
This relationship works best for a love affair, but is worst for marriage. You two tend to withdraw from the world periodically to build up your own personal strengths and vision. The relationship will often go to great lengths to protect itself by building barriers against all social intrusions. The danger of lasting isolation or withdrawal, and in extreme cases sociopathic behaviour, is obvious here. Its principal challenge is to prevent the drive towards intimacy from getting out of hand.
In a love affair, you two can indulge your need for privacy and intimacy more fully. A deep sexual relationship can prove immensely satisfying to both of you, but can also stir up a host of feelings, including resentment and jealousy. You two tend to remain faithful to each other, but must be careful to forestall claiming attitudes and sex/love addictions. The use of drugs and alcohol may have an especially debilitating effect here.
A marriage between you will be prone to cutting itself off from the world. Should children be involved, or if the family lives in a physically isolated situation, conscious and vigorous steps will have to be taken to build a meaningful social life. Isolation will stimulate the imagination and fantasy of both of you, one of your best-developed psychic areas, but will have harmful effects as well.
Thank you so much for your reply,
I really appreciate your input. If I may ask one more question, if I give you the year of birth for both the cancer man and I, will this change what you have just told me?
If it doesn't change anything, thats ok.
and now I am off to join a convent..............
Again, Thank you Captain
No, the year will not change the analysis.
Cancer guy is doing you a huge favour, he is unstable emotionally and my cards show he could possibly be a borderline personality., these people are high maintenance emotionally, I call them, emotional vampires. In the next 2 months I see a window of opportunity, social events where you will meet someone of interest. The outcome card is the Ace Of Cups
Thank you for your reading with the tarot cards. I have to head to work now, but will reply tonight.
Can I please just ask you, a couple of weeks ago I did the tarot cards and 2 days in a row the 3 cards I got, The High Priestess, The Empress, 8 Pentacles, the cards were well shuffled, can you please give me your interpretation of these 3 cards.
Have a great day!
These cards are beautiful, as I don't know in what position they fell in your spread
I will interpret them in a general sense.
Your goals, ambitions or wishes will be fullfield, you have the power, the gift, the talent to reach whatever goal you set yourself, you just need patience, and not to be impulsive, patience will get you there in the end.
It also tranlates to a woman who has a lot of love to give, a feminine, emotional woman either you or someone around you. You will get what you want
Thank you so much! Everyday I pick out 3 tarot cards, sometimes I ask what do I need to know today, and at the time I was asking about Cancer man, this was when I got these 3 cards. (2 days in a row). I am so confused> on the one hand I want to forget about the cancer man, on the other hand I feel I need to give it a try and see where things go. For some deep reason, I think I have to go through this, maybe I have to learn something from this I don't know. I do know for sure I am not needy, nor desperate. Yes, I do have alot of love to give, but not just to anyone.
I am sorry, I sound like a broken record. I wonder when or if he will get in touch with me, maybe some one can tell me that and how do I know if he has feelings for me.
Please, no one get upset with me, I am just asking and need to get things of my chest.
Thanks again, always grateful for honesty.
Piscesstar, you can get all the advice in the world but in the end it just comes down to your gut feelings. As a Pisces, you have excellent intuition - so try and put your emotions aside (I know, hard for a Pisces) for the moment. If a friend of yours came to you with this story, what would be your advice?
You are AWESOME!!
Let me tell you what I would tell my friend.
Don't wait around for him, get on with your life, keep busy so you don't think about him and if he returns, it has to be on your terms otherwise hit the road crab!!!
How's that....now I just have to put it into practice.
I believe, I can let go if I put my mind to it, there is still a little tug in the gut, but I am determined to get on with my life, I got through a divorce, I can get through this!
I know things will work out the way they are supposed to.............I am going to be okay:)
I feel so much better, thanks Captain!
You can be the Captain of my boat when I go find other fish in the sea! just not yet though,
I got work to do on me first! lol
I didn't get a chance to reply to your last post!
You made me laugh after I read your last paragraph!
I think American men from what I have seen, are very nice. I will admit the cancer guy is handsome, tall, dark and goatie with a gorgeous accent and little feet LOL!! Had to get that in, (it kinda makes me feel better!).
The Captain, gave me some awesome advice, which I was able to give my self some advice and I am going to take it! How is that for confusion?
The heart rock with your name on it is on my dresser in front of a small Angel statue.
Everyone who replied to my thread has helped more than they know.
First of all, don't feel bad for wanting to know what is going on with him, it is only natural to fee this way, don't feel down on yourself.
Let us look at the key points..
Was the commitment thing a red flag? Yes I believe it was and I think you do too deep down.
Was he developing feelings for me then backed off- 2 p[possibilities, he was developing feelings however from the cards I get that he is very insecure, his emotional growth is not in par with yours, hence why he just disappeared, easier that way ( Not a good sign and another red flag if he was to come back into your life)
wish i knew what his intentions are - He told you his intentions 6 weeks into the affair, " no commitment " but as emotional creatures we only listen to what we want to or believe people might change their minds?
Now, to your question on him contacting you again,. As he said he didn't want commitment it leaves an open door for him to go and come as he chooses, if he gets back in contact and you ask him "why did you disappear like that"? He will have an excuse as he told you before he wants no ties therefore owes you no explanation.
But ask yourself, is that the kind of relationship you want? Or do you deserve better?
Ok now, I did a 3 card spread on why will you two have contact again.
card 1 - 2 of rods = around 2 weeks
card 2 - The queen of swords reversed -
card 3 The fool
In around 2 weeks possibly you two will be in contact. Think carefully about the choices you make if he comes back, I feel your mind will be clearer at this point making easier for you to make a decision on where you want to take this matter.
Denial is not a river in Egypt after all!
The post you just sent me was very "ACURATE".
To be rejected is very hard on me, thats where the pity party for me is!
Do I need closure? Yes.
I read a thread just last week about a cancer Guy and some of the wording was,
He never said we were a couple or that he loved me. I was just following my own heart and staying open for him when he chose to show up, he knew how I felt but made no commitment to to me. I was taking a risk with my heart or a leap of faith. I chose to trust my heart was safe or I was strong enough to handle what the universe dished out.
But in truth there was never a relationship, we had some great times.
He ended it before it could blossom. it was just a matter of a few months.
That feels like it was written for me.
They say the truth hurts, I have to feel the hurt now and right now it doesn't feel good, but I am going to get through this.
Even through his insecurities, he knew what he was doing, the final straw was the time span, as soon as my girls came back home, he severed all contact with me.
Do I feel like a fool? Yes.
I had sent a message to The Captain tonight, please look it up if you get a chance.
I am ever so grateful to you, this really put things in perspective for me?
How do I get closure now? Please tell me one more thing on how to make this easy for me to move on? I know I will survive......I don't want to see him again.
I want to send him a letter right now telling him not to contact me, but this is just part of my hurt
Sashamoon, I am SO GRATEFUL to you right now........ today there is pain but tomorrow will be a new day.