My daughter would like to know........

  • what anyone sees for her regarding her future?

    She is curious to know about career, marriage & children one day. She is very gifted in art and painting and does amazing work!

    She would also like to know what will eventually happen between her and her father? She hasn't been over there in months and she is wondering if they will ever patch things up?

    Her name is Brandy and her birthday is December 31, 1993.

    She seen me browsing and said oh kewl! I have to say she has amazing intuition and usually has a really good idea about things! It's funny my mother & my mothers grandma were and are the same way.

    Thanks for helping.

  • Your daughter is here to learn about commitment and reform. In her career, she will be successful if she doesn't follow the accepted norm and instead breaks the rules and follows her own instincts and creativity, even if she risks disapproval by the establishment of the day. But she must learn to use charm and diplomacy to get her way, not aggression or withdrawal. She tends to have a diversity of interests and must narrow her focus enough to make a firm decision and to then commit and devote herself to that one direction, goal, or career. Her views can tend towards the extreme and she disdains anything that smacks of the middle way. Developing a more balanced and tolerant approach and using more strategy and planning will help her achieve her aims. She can also be far too hasty and not thorough enough and must learn that quality is always preferable to quantity. Avoiding arrogance or autocratic tendencies by developing modesty and guarding against impulsiveness is also important. Blessed with loyalty and trustworthiness, she will have to buck tradition and overturn some very sacred cows on her journey if she is to evolve. Deciding which traditions should be kept and which are of no value to her is part of her life lesson. She must not become staid, stodgy or stale in her belief systems. She has the potential for phenomemal achievement if she can use her strengths of courage, originality, and brilliance and deal with her weaknesses of flightiness and a difficulty handling negative experiences or conflicts.

    So yes she has the potential to be a brilliant artist - as long as she sticks determindedly to the plan, once created. As to the situation with her father, passions run high in her and satisfying this natural desire often involves a lot of drama and upset. But I feel she must be the one to hold out the olive branch as I sense her father turning further and further away and growing colder as time goes by. This is all about your daughter learning how to use charm and diplomacy rather than heavy-handed tactics (or doing nothing because she dislikes conflict) that will only make things worse.

    Your daughter's relationships will be made up of rather large doses of pleasure and pain. It may take her a long while to mature enough to commit to one partner. But she is capable of deep transformation on all levels.

  • Thanks Captain!

    Brandy looked at me a few times and said that was crazy thats some of the things I've told her. Then of course we have the situation with her grandparents who insist she either needs to be a doctor or a lawyer to be successful. I always tell her to follow her heart. She is very good at several things however and I do think it will be hard for her to pick one thing.

    As far as her father is concerned.....we can kinda see that one happening. I've told her she will probably have to approach him. I don't know what his problem is any more, I don't know that he will ever change and be the guy he once was. Its sad because I to had a "father" problem so I don't always know what to do here. She is very close to my husband so hopefully that will at least help her. I'm praying things will work out with me and him my husband now) but I don't want her to loose a dad if something happens to that situation. (I had a father, a dad and 2 step fathers.)

    She begged me to ask you a few other questions so here goes:

    Brandy would like to also know about the boy that just broke up with her. Shes depressed about it and wants to know if he will come back or if they are done? She is also wanting to know was he dating someone else and is that why he broke up with her? Brandy would also like to know if he doesn't come back around will someone else come around her? And her funniest question is will she be dumb enough to take him back if he comes around? She says lucky for you I am the one writing her questions because she would be way to elaborate!!

    Thanks from both of us!!

  • I do feel the boy she broke up with will come around again but I don't think he will stay. Nor will she come to want him to as he is a bit of a cad. He tends to keep his options open regarding partners. I sincerely hope she won't be dumb enough to take him back unless she only wants a very casual relationship.

    I see a lot of different partners coming into Brandy's life through the years - they will all help her to understand herself better so that when Mr. Really Right comes along, she will have worked through all the dramas and be ready to commit wholeheartedly to him.

  • Brandy said to tell you thank you very much! She felt a lot better today though of course she still says she hates having to go thru a bunch of idiots to find really mr. right!! She says great more drama and I said to her make sure she puts herself first and the rest will come when everything is right!

    I really appreciate you helping me out with her it is always good to have a back up person! Since she always had her own sense of "awareness" to seeing the board was here helped get her a comfortable other source! THANK YOU SO MUCH!

    On the other hand I know I've asked before different things about me and I want this to be about her for sure, however I have to know one thing. My dad was killed by a drunk driver on my 10th birthday....I had a father before that so I have had several major father figure losses in my life & I don't want her going thru the same so I don't want her getting attached to my husband if he is not going to be there for her. So my question is do I keep encouraging their relationship or will that wind up being another loss for her? I strictly want to know if their relationship will always be there for her so I don't encourage her that having her "dad" is just as good as having her "father." I hope you understand my reasoning.

    Thanks again!

  • Your daughter needs to make peace with her dad more for herself than him. She doesn't need to have a bad relationship with the most important male in her life or it will affect her other relationships with men. Even if her dad can't always be there for her, she needs to know she tried her best to mend the breach and make peace. Otherwise it will always be an open-ended question mark for her - "Should I have done this or that? Is it my fault it ended badly?" etc.. If she tries to make peace, she will not be questioning or finding fault with herself over the relationship. It will be her father's loss if he doesn't stick with it, not hers.

  • Indeed. I totally agree with you! I will so make sure she reads this from you this evening! 🙂

    But what I was wondering on was how to set the pace for her and my husbands relationship since he has become her "dad." I don't want her to get attached to him and loose him too but its my inner fear over my past that I just can't get away from! Will it be ok for me to encourage their "dad & daughter" relationship or will he too disappear in some shape or form?

    Thanks a bunch!

  • So is what you are really asking is if your current hisband will leave you?

  • Husband, I mean. Is this question really about you?

  • No but I knew you would think that in a way and I understand why because I do wonder if he will leave or if he will die or if I will leave him. I am not sure I am totally over my childrens father yet and that seems to be keeping me in "limbo." I hate myself for feeling all these emotions.

    So with that said and me not being sure or certain of myself or our marriage and me loosing my father figure when I was a child and having to go threw multiple dad looses I am just concerned that she may go threw the same thing if somethings happens to or with me and my husband or just to him in general. They have become very close and I worry how she would react if something happened to him especially with the situation she has going on with her father. Of course I do not want to cause her any more hurt then she's already been threw so because I am confused I don't want to encourage her that it's ok she still has some kind of dad for her to wind up loosing not once but twice! Follow me? I'm afraid of history repeating itself and my daughter reliving my sadness in some form or the other, if I can stop it in some way, well then I will. I want to encourage her to love her father and love her dad, but I don't want her to be so caught up in it all like I was that the loose of one or both of them and it winds up

    absolutely devastating her one day. It took me years to get over all of it! I just don't want her in my type of pain ever!

    I hope you understand where I am coming from. I just want to protect who I love but yes I am curious how things will wind up because I have so many confusing thoughts!

    Wow I about summed it up in that last sentence!! lol

    THANK YOU!! Brandy still needs to read your last I will let you know what she says on that!

  • Brandy just got done reading your last posting and she says she has other questions but right now she is so tired she can't think straight. However her main question right now is when is she going to quit being so depressed about all of this with this most recent break-up? What can she do to quit being so depressed about it especially when everyone around her seems to be in "love" including her brother?

    She said HUGS and thanks

  • People get depressed about ended relationships because they keep focusing on 'what might have been' instead of what actually was or could have happened. Your daughter needs to stop dreaming about this guy as if he was her white knight - he is actually more of a black knight. She should count herself lucky to have gotten out in one piece. He will hurt many more people as he goes through life.

    And Endless, you need to be careful that you are not projecting your fears from what happened to you in the past onto your daughter. Let her find her own way and don't try to fill her with anxiety before she can experience life for herself - on her own terms. She may not find life to be anything like what you went through. She has her own lessons to learn. It's fine to teach your kids that they might burn their hand if they touch the stove - but not to instil in them a terror of ever going near and using the stove.

  • Brandy said thanks. She did better today and has seemed pretty happy since she's been home from school. She's met another boy so I guess we'll see how that goes.

    Thanks for the other advice too! More then anything I don't want her to get attached to my husband and then me decide to separate from him. We did that once and she didn't handle it well and he's only been around less then 2 years! Scared me!

    Funny the advice you gave her about the white/black knight almost reminds me of how I felt about her father and many people have been surprised I got out of that in one piece!

    Always know I only want the best for her and it is hard for me to not to want to over protect her. I didn't have the best protective mom myself so I have really over protected the kids! But I do need to let go some, no doubt about it! And I definitely want her to have her own life just like I have had!

    Good advice from you psychic advice or not, still good advice for any parent! Thank you!

  • You're very welcome!

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