Need help with my BF



  • so here's the thing. I have this guy i have been dating for almost a year now. In the past month he has been talking about freedom saying he's doing this or that because he 'can". I have never stifled him or tried to control him whatsoever. I love him very much and I have no idea what to do about this. i have talked to two empaths and have had my cards read by two different people. Every single person that has read my cards or given me a reading has told me that everything is fine and I need to remember that he is very insecure when it comes to me and he can't understand why I am still with him. I was told that he is insecure about sex, money (because he is currently out of work) and himself in general. I have been told that in May 2009 our relationship will be deeper than it has ever been, even though things are shaky right now.

    Right now I am driving myself crazy over this. I don't know how to make him feel secure in our relationship, I don't know if I am saying the wrong thing, I don't know why all of the sudden he feels like he needs to go out and have alot of "guy time" and come around me when it's convenient for him and I can't understand that he won't call me like he used to anymore. his best friend has told me to wait it out (without me even asking him what's going on) because Pat gets scared of being with me. Pat has even told me that he's scared of me and I feel like he's so afraid of me hurting him, that he won't see that I would never hurt him because i love him too much. Both empaths and tarot readers have told me the same things - Just hang in there - he loves you - he feels insecure and when I feel insecure, he gets even worse - there's noone else.

    For the record, I can tell you that any man that I have ever been with, I have KNOWN when they are talking or having sex with someone else. I have never been wrong on that. And right now, my gut tells me that Pat is not with anyone else, but I do worry that he's out there looking for something else. I don't feel that he's found it though.

    If someone would have any insight on this - I would greatly appreciate it. i'm feel like I am going to go insane. I love him, I know he loves me too, but I don't know what to do.



  • Well It sounds like the fact that he can't control that he is out of work is what has him acting this way. If he had quit his job then he would have controled the situation. But to loose it then that was out of his control and it effects everything in his life. You are working and he can't do or take you to the places you would be able to go were he employed. Just to get you little things are hampered by this. Let it ride its course. But in this time of layoffs and companies closing it may be a while. Just if he could find a couple of part time jobs could help his self esteem. But let a friend say that to him. Not you it might take it as criticism.



  • Yes - he was laid off at the end of December. He was working with his friends dad until he found a job, but now they don't have any work for him. He was supposed to go back to work in April, but his employer said he may not be abe to come back. Even still, he's got plenty of money to spent playing poker with the guys, betting on Superbowl and going out to the bars with the guys.

    LibrasLair - thank you for your insight. I just don't know if I should let it go. He is going through something - now he's saying he's going to move back to his hometown and I just didn't even know what to say. I have no idea what he's going through because he won't tell me everything. I don't know whether to give up on him or wait it out. He is frustrating me right now.....



  • In your second paragraph you said, "I don't know how to make him feel secure in our relationship". That would be because you don't have the power to make him or anyone else feel anything. The fact that he has put this distance between you and is hinting around to physically being gone tells me one thing. There is a piece of information he is not sharing with you, it does not have to be about another love interest. Something is amiss here, and quite frankly if I were you, I would be very annoyed that he was doing this to me. I think you need to dig deep down into your soul and find your inner strength. You deserve better than this, in fact, I can't beleive that anyone would put this much energy into someone that is treating them so badly, there I said it, he is treating you badly, very badly. If he is doing something this cruel now, could you imagine how bad he might treat you if the relationship went further and he got another wild hair. Walk away, forget him, I know it's not easy, but, I think he may have done you a favor. Sorry you have to go through this.



  • Hi, He probably has more options than he realizes. Where I live small engine repair (lawn mower) and boat is in demand. Yard service, painting etc. I don't know what work is like in your area. He MIGHT be overwhelmed w/the prospect of no work. This will test a friendship or partnership. Does he even have the skills to problem solve. You need to step back, offer help (if appreciated.) I have helped 2 friends get back on their feet. One had a hernia and needed an operation before he was recalled. I got a loan and he has paid me back 10 fold. I helped another get a phone and he paid me back 10 fold. There's been other stories. Point is, I would do it anyway. I think it's terrible to be in a relationship and when hard times fall, it's like see ya. But, you need to know that's the way he is. Better late than never. He MIGHT come around after he has stewed about it. It's not worth worrying over. If your that intent on him and can't live without him, offer to help--make suggestions.



  • P.S.--Only you know how stable he is.



  • Dalia - he is a very sensitive man. He hides his feelings and internalizes alot of things - he's a Cancer - and probably everything a cancer male is to a "T". He saves all of our photos in an album, along with our concert tickets and movie stubs. I don't even do that......lol!!! He has a fabulous memory and he remembers things that we have done together that I even forget about.I know he's been really worried about money and the job thing is really scaring him. His roommate moved out at the end of January (less income and already out of a job) and now he can't find anything under the table. To me, it seems like he needs to blow off steam and at the same time push me away. The last two times I spoke with him I could tell that he was down and he kept making comments like - you only want me around because I make you laugh, or you just like me for ***. On Valentines Day we had pizza and ice cream but didn't share gifts. He told me it was because he didn't have the funds - and I have always told him I have never been about the money - it doesn't mean anything to me. He tells me that I'm smarter than him and much stronger than him. I feel like he is pushing me away because he doesn't feel that he is worthy of me. Or maybe he is just trying to make it seem like that so eventually I will just get tired of it and walk away. I almost don't want to give him the satisfaction by doing that;. He came down last weekend and noticed some of his belongings on my shelf - put together very neatly. I had placed them there because I was about to just mail it back to him and say - peace out. I'm done. But I didn't, and he noticed them. He had the opportunity to take them, but he has always told me that he leaves things at my house so it gives him a reason to come back. The fact he didn't take the clothes ( or any of his other stuff) makes me think that he does want to be with me, but whatever it is he is going through makes him push me away.



  • Myviewpoint - you are very correct - and I do feel that way. I do feel like I am treated poorly, and I am tired of being treated poorly. I think where my confusion comes in is that he tends to be so wishy washy sometimes and right now it's really bad. I know something is going on that he is not telling me and I can make up a thousand things in my mind as reasons to what it might be. I may never know. All I know is that for some reason, he isn't acting normal.

    I guess that's why I need help figuring out what the heck to do. My girlfriends and even his friends are so worried that I'm going to walk away from him, yet they claim they know nothing about why he's doing this. I dont' get it. The empaths say everythings good and we'll be better than ever once he gets past this and I guess I am having a hard time seeing the blue skies ahead.....



  • Hi again, My ex-husband is a Cancer. I guess what I see is a pattern. Instead of facing problems, he's being melancholy. He might be scared of you because it spells RESPONSIBILITY. Sounds like how he deals w/problems is hanging out w/the guys. And, if he's like the Cancer I know, he will do it. If you want to wait on him you can. I was just trying to point out options.



  • LOL Dalia! responsibility and COMMITMENT. That's another big thing with him too. I definitely appreciate the input. I know everything will be fine and everything works out the way it's supposed to in time - I'm just really impatient.........



  • I'm stuck here, please help me, why would you want to get further involved with someone that has a hard time dealing with the reality of life. Money comes and money goes, it's always been that way and will always stay this way. The way I look at it is, if this is how he deals with a flux in life, what is it going to be like when there are real hard times. It sounds to me like he disconnects which is fine for him, but is it fine for you. People have a core being and it mostly shows itself in times of crisis. You sound like a really responsible, committed person, if I were you I would chalk this relationship up to a lesson learned and get out there and find someone who can deal with life that equals your ability to deal with life. Don't make the mistake of getting too involved with someone that is hard to read (I made that mistake and wasted 7 years of my life) if he really cares about you he would not be doing all these confusing things to you, or would he? Is being confusing and hard to read his core being? Think about it, really think about it, ponder the history that you do know about him. Just my opinion though, hope it helps.



  • Sometimes guys are just scared, sometimes you need to give them space and understand the whole picture. The guy I love suffers from bi-polar disorder. We got together two years ago St. Patricks Day. In the beginning everything was great, then things slowly started falling apart, he had a lot of things he was going through, problems with his ex, a custody battle reguarding his daughter and so much that is has caused us to split up. We have remained friends over the years, and just recently we wound up by sleeping together again. I guess I was stupid and thought that maybe we could work things out, but we went our separte ways, he says that he can't keep hurting me the way that he has and that I should move on and forget him. I don't always agree with what he does, but I can't tell him what to do. I never understood before but now I know why he did, sometimes he is not himself, alot of times because of his bi-polar disorder, it's like he is a whole other person. Which it's sad because, deep down I know he is a good person and no matter how much he tries to deny it, I know deep down he still cares about me.


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